New Here :(

Sunday I woke up so happy and excited!! It marked the day of my 13th week and officially entering into my second trimester. I was so excited I posted it on Facebook (we made the big announcement at 9 weeks to our friends and family). After spending the day at a farm and pumpkin patch with my family, I noticed bleeding. I rushed to the hospital where blood work, an ultrasound (my first) and a pelvic determined I was having a miscarriage. They said the fetal sac was around 7 weeks.

This was so devastating to me and my fiance. I remember having some bleeding around week 7 and going to the doctor where they tested my HcG levels and told me that everything was fine. They had me come in the next week for a follow up where again they said everything was fine.   I guess they were wrong. A lot of my anger (which is probably misplaced) is aimed at those doctors who should have done more testing. Walking around for 6 more weeks thinking I was growing and nurturing a child in my body when there was none just seems so cruel to me.

 I stayed on the couch sobbing until last night. Today is the first day I don't feel like dying of sadness. This was our first child and we were both incredibly excited to welcome our sweet little baby into the world. It never in a million years occurred to me that a miscarriage was even a possibility. Naive, I know.

But today, I feel like I'm on my way to being ok, although I know I'm nowhere close. I still have so much hurt and anger but I know one day it'll feel better. Thank you for listening!