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Thanksgiving- WWYD? (long)

greengirl0909greengirl0909 member
in Babies: 6 - 9 Months

I'm hoping someone out there has a brilliant suggestion for a problem I'm having.  DH and I host Thanksgiving for my mom's extended family ever year.  About 30 people including kidlets.  His family doesn't do anything, so we always invite MIL and BIL to come to our house.  BIL has the social personality of a rock. He is rude beyond belief, most days I cannot believe that he and DH are related. 

The last 2 years BIL has come in, been rude to various people, eaten dinner, then plopped down in our chaise lounge in the living room and taken a nap in front of my entire family. Like literally he's snoring while Grandma is telling a story about her minister or something.  People are giving him the side eye.

I'm really embarassed about this, so last year I tried to joke around with him about staying away and suggested if he needed to take a Thanksgiving nap he could go downstairs to the tv room.  His response, "Nope, I'd rather stay here and make you miserable."

DH says if we say something ahead of time, he'll just get mad and not come.  I'm afraid if that happens MIL won't come because she'll feel compelled to stay with him and then my DH will feel sad for not being with them. Anyone got any helpful ideas?

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Re: Thanksgiving- WWYD? (long)

  • RadicalDreamer143RadicalDreamer143 member
    Can you bring it up to your MIL?  Maybe being reprimanded by his mother might keep him in line.

    Other than that, no clue.  I feel for you though.
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  • yankeebaby42yankeebaby42

    can you pinch his nose while he's sleeping so he can't breathe?

    Or make the baby cry in his ear. 

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  • greengirl0909greengirl0909 member
    imageyankeebaby42:

    can you pinch his nose while he's sleeping so he can't breathe?

    Or make the baby cry in his ear. 

    I love this idea....perhaps Baby D will have an extra grumpy day that day! Stick out tongue

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  • prego760prego760 member

    I feel your pain. H has an uncle who is legally insane who have to have at our family holidays. He'll jabber to himself and then laugh loudly. We have to lock up the boos and unplug the kegerator so he thinks it is empty. He scares the baby too. The man has unsuccessfully tried to commit suicide 3 times and recently sawed of 3 fingers with a table saw and had them put back on. He was asked to leave our wedding by the venue manager for stealing other peoples drinks off tables and drunkinly dancing and falling on my 7 year old brother.  We basically have had to turn him into the family joke. We dont want him there but he's family and I know H's Grandmother would be hurt if we didnt include him.

    What if you were to take his favorite Chase lounge down to the TV Room?

    Your little hands wrapped around my finger and its so quiet in the world tonight Your little eye lids flutter cause your dreamin so I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light To you everything's funny, you've got nothing to regret I'd give all I have hunny, if you could stay like that Oh darling dont you ever grow up, dont you ever grow up, just stay this little Oh darling dont you ever grow up dont you ever grow up, it could stay this simple I wont let nobody hurt you, wont let no one break your heart, no one will desert you Just try to never grow up imageimage Pregnancy Ticker Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
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  • UsuallyLurkingUsuallyLurking

    Can you say something when he first shows up?  That way MIL is already there, and BIL can choose to leave if he doesn't like what you're saying.  If they come together then you can offer to give MIL a ride home at the end of the festivities.  I'd also approach MIL ahead of time and see what she thinks of his behavior - does she think it's appropriate?  Or does she find it rude as well?  That could give you some idea of what you're up against.

    I'd do that or do something along the lines of what yankeebaby was saying - make it miserable/darn near impossible for him to take his nap.  If he wants to make things miserable for you, then the passive-agressiveness in me says to do the same thing to him.  Does he have a particular beer or other drink that he specifically drinks?  Don't provide it.  Does fall asleep while watching football?  Unplug the TV and put it downstairs. 

    "One healthy, little giggling, dribbling, baby boy." -DMB Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • Jessys_GirlJessys_Girl

    What about you or DH choosing that lounge chair as your "spot" to sit after dinner.  That way he can't get into it and can't fall asleep.

    And if he is grumpy/sleepy/etc. say "You're welcome to go lie down downstairs, where you can have some peace and quiet."  Big Smile

    edited to fix smiley.

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  • LoriZooLoriZoo
    imageprego760:

    I feel your pain. H has an uncle who is legally insane who have to have at our family holidays. He'll jabber to himself and then laugh loudly. We have to lock up the boos and unplug the kegerator so he thinks it is empty. He scares the baby too. The man has unsuccessfully tried to commit suicide 3 times and recently sawed of 3 fingers with a table saw and had them put back on. He was asked to leave our wedding by the venue manager for stealing other peoples drinks off tables and drunkinly dancing and falling on my 7 year old brother.  We basically have had to turn him into the family joke. We dont want him there but he's family and I know H's Grandmother would be hurt if we didnt include him.

    Wow!  How is this person not in a psychiatric unit somewhere?

    To the OP, like PP's, perhaps your MIL can talk with him...or to expand on Yankee's idea...how about creating a new game, "Throat Punch the Mean Ole Man."  Everyone could take turns!

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  • gunsofbrixtongunsofbrixton
    imageguppysown@yahoo.com:

    I'm hoping someone out there has a brilliant suggestion for a problem I'm having.  DH and I host Thanksgiving for my mom's extended family ever year.  About 30 people including kidlets.  His family doesn't do anything, so we always invite MIL and BIL to come to our house.  BIL has the social personality of a rock. He is rude beyond belief, most days I cannot believe that he and DH are related. 

    The last 2 years BIL has come in, been rude to various people, eaten dinner, then plopped down in our chaise lounge in the living room and taken a nap in front of my entire family. Like literally he's snoring while Grandma is telling a story about her minister or something.  People are giving him the side eye.

    I'm really embarassed about this, so last year I tried to joke around with him about staying away and suggested if he needed to take a Thanksgiving nap he could go downstairs to the tv room.  His response, "Nope, I'd rather stay here and make you miserable."

    DH says if we say something ahead of time, he'll just get mad and not come.  I'm afraid if that happens MIL won't come because she'll feel compelled to stay with him and then my DH will feel sad for not being with them. Anyone got any helpful ideas?

    Im a b!tch so I would basically tell him, if he wants to take a nap he can do it in his own home. That your house is not a hotel and that there are other people that are trying to enjoy their holidays and he is simply making everyone uncomfortable. Of course, have that fake polite tone, set him straight. I have no qualms about giving the in laws the what for especially in the home DH and I have made and paid for.

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  • amykins1283amykins1283 member
    imageprego760:

    I feel your pain. H has an uncle who is legally insane who have to have at our family holidays. He'll jabber to himself and then laugh loudly. We have to lock up the boos and unplug the kegerator so he thinks it is empty. He scares the baby too. The man has unsuccessfully tried to commit suicide 3 times and recently sawed of 3 fingers with a table saw and had them put back on. He was asked to leave our wedding by the venue manager for stealing other peoples drinks off tables and drunkinly dancing and falling on my 7 year old brother.  We basically have had to turn him into the family joke. We dont want him there but he's family and I know H's Grandmother would be hurt if we didnt include him.

    What if you were to take his favorite Chase lounge down to the TV Room?

    This particular case just sounds sad.  It sounds like your H's uncle really can't help himself.  Not saying you don't have the right to be annoyed but I kind of feel sorry for him. 

    As for the OP, her BIL just sounds like a "misery loves company" type of person.  Maybe he's depressed or something and that's why he lashes out, I don't know.  It must be frustratig, though.

    I think it would be best if either you or your husband speak to your MIL about it.  It might be an awkward situation (especially if she doesn't see him the same way you each do) but if there is any way you all could come up with a game plan together then I would do it. 


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  • KMK51KMK51

    He sounds like the type of person that will try to make you mad especially if he knows it already annoys you.  Does he crave attention and wants to act like he's too good for everyone?  I would play a really loud game in the same room or get one of your LO's toys that makes noise and keep going until he wakes up.  :-)  or coincidentally buy LO a new music set that week!!  If he keeps sleeping, he's obviously faking it.

    -I have a family member who naps all of the time at get togethers..it is very rude and sends the message that they don't care to be there.

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