is there a polite way to ask someone not to mention your size?

sandylou · October 2010

My coworker and good friend of my dad's keeps mentioning how big I am. He keeps comparing me to his daughter in law who is due a month before me. I don't know if it matters or not but she was bigger than I before pregnancy by probably a handful of sizes.

For instance yesterday he said "wow, you are REALLY out there. I was talking with Joe (another guy we work with) and he asked when you are due because he said you are REALLY out there. He thought it was sometime soon, but I told him no you still have a ways to go yet. I don't my DIL is as out there as you."

I don't want to be mean or snarky because he ins't doing it to be mean or anything, I just think he doesn't think that it would bother me.

I'm thinking of having my mom casually bring up in conversation how I don't like it when people talk about my size. Not mention him specifically but just start a conversation and maybe he will stop?? He's a very nice man and I don't want to embarrass him, but I don't want to hear the comments anymore!

jessr510 · October 2010

I think that's a good way to handle it...

I'm thinking that you already realize this, since you mentioned that she was larger than you pre-preg, but you probably look more pg than her because you are skinnier, and maybe try to take that as a compliment? At least it's something to remind yourself of until he stops... GL! And I'm sure you look gorgeous!!!

simonra · October 2010

I have been using the old "My doctor is very pleased with my weight gain" line. My mom of all people was the one ticking me off with the comments. I know she was just teasing and "trying to help" since she gained so much with both of her kids but the comments were just too much. I am definitely more sensitive to them now. I had to tell her that I would rather that if she was going to talk about my size she say I was doing a great job (because I really haven't gained that much-I'm all belly but was bigger to begin with) or that I was a cute pregnant lady. It was hard but its so much better now.

columbiamommy · October 2010

I think that having your mom mention it is a good way to go. I know that it would take a lot for me personally to say something to someone, even if it really bothered me, because I'm not very confrontational.

I hope he stops soon, though!

MarSamWhitney · October 2010

I just started saying "Omg, i know!! I am the worlds largest pregnant person!" I try to just roll with it, because they don't know they are being rude. Only a few more months. Lets just hope they dont compare the two of you and weight loss afterwards!

sandylou · October 2010

StephnMatt101008:
I just started saying "Omg, i know!! I am the worlds largest pregnant person!" I try to just roll with it, because they don't know they are being rude. Only a few more months. Lets just hope they dont compare the two of you and weight loss afterwards!

OMG, this never occurred to me before. Indifferent Yeah we have got to nip this in the bud NOW!

pawcall · October 2010

Apparently even impolite/direct doesn't always work.

I think people, guys especially, don't know what to say so they say idiotic things.

At dinner last night, my guy friend looked at me and said "wow, i hope you realize this place isn't a buffet. will one dinner be enough for you?" I didn't bother trying to be pleasant about it - I just said "I really don't appreciate comments about my weight. My doctor is happy with my progress and my child is growing well." I thought that would nip it in the bud, but not 15 minutes later as we perused the menu, he suggested that I order the "PF Chang's For 2" deal for myself, and he'd order something separately. Ha ha. I need two dinners, two soups, an appetizer, and 2 desserts. Hilarious.

Tz's_Bride_2B · October 2010

I think having your mom mention it in casual conversation is a great idea. I cannot figure out for the life of me when people thought it was ok to say things like this. You wouldn't say it to a woman when she wasn't pregnant so what in the world would make you say it when she's pregnant and hormonal.

RedZee · October 2010

I think people, especially men, don't really know what to say but want to say something and they think that talking about size and food consumption are ok topics because they see it in the movies. In every movie where someone is pregnant there are jokes about how that woman can eat 2 meals and things like that. They just don't realize that it doesn't feel that way when you're going through it.

I find that when men say stupid things like that to me (and ESPECIALLY when those men have not had a pregnant wife), I can take it in stride. When women who have had children make comments, I want to punch them.

sandylou · October 2010

Yeah, I'm just going to have my mom bring it up and try it that way first. If he doesn't catch on, I will be a little more direct. I know if I flat out say "pleae don't talk about that" he will stop, but I just want to try it the other way first.

sometimesalwayschaotic · October 2010

One thing to think about also..You're a month ahead of the other girl. That is quite a difference! A month ago I was a lot smaller than I am now. I would probably say something like, "Yeah, you grow so quickly with every month! I'm so happy the baby seems to be doing well!" Don't take it to heart, it isn't personal. I think people are just amazed at the whole process. I often times look at my own belly and wonder how in the world I got so "huge". It is an amazing thing!

izzourclue · October 2010

Yeah, people are stupid and don't understand that everyone carries different. I'm carrying all in front so I'm sticking out quite a bit and don't look at all pregnant from the back. I think the way you are proposing to handle it is the best way.

mzclaire · October 2010

People say dumb things to pregnant ladies, but men can be especially clueless. And unfortunately, the polite and indirect way often DOESN'T work on men, because they are too obtuse to get the point. Try going through your mom first, because she might know the best combo of polite and direct. But be prepared to gently take him aside and ask him yourself to please stop talking about your weight. good luck.

pixieprincss · October 2010

I would talk to him yourself. The only thing more embarrassing than being corrected is knowing that people were gossiping about your foul-up privately before coming to you. I know that I personally would much rather be corrected by the offended party and have a chance to apologize rather than it become a family affair and then there is this "do I apologize or just keep quiet about it" awkwardness. Direct, polite confrontation is hard, but best.

"Mr. X, I know that you mean well, but I am not comfortable with talking about my weight or comparing it to others. My doctor is happy with my gain, I feel great, and the baby is healthy."

tinytraxx · October 2010

I would turn it around on him. Say, "well if your daughter is that much smaller I hope everything is ok with her? because my size is normal according to my doctor"

SND2010 · October 2010

cdobry01:

I thought that would nip it in the bud, but not 15 minutes later as we perused the menu, he suggested that I order the "PF Chang's For 2" deal for myself, and he'd order something separately. Ha ha. I need two dinners, two soups, an appetizer, and 2 desserts. Hilarious.

This guy is your friend? Is he gay? I hope so becuase if he ever ends up with a pregnant wife she will kill him.

uklawgirl · October 2010

Honestly, if I was getting to the point where I was getting tons of comments I'd probably have to try to make them feel bad for saying something like that. Such as no reply and looking like I might burst into tears. Yeah, I'm a real B that way, but words don't seem to get the message across!

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