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s/o s/o clicky - was your husband your 'type' when you met?
kinda going off on a tangent here, i was thinking about how i believe we can choose who we love, which is why i think arranged marriages can work. and then i started to wonder how much initial attraction plays into a relationship. when i first met my husband, i wasn't interested - he wasn't my type. i knew what i wanted, and he didn't appear to be it. i (eventually) gave him a chance anyway, and i'm so glad i did! and now i'm wondering how rare that is - to end up allowing yourself to fall in love with someone you initially weren't attracted to. i'm guessing it usually happens because you get to know their personality better, which makes appearance matter less? regardless, time for another poll!
[Poll]
[Poll]
This discussion has been closed.
Re: s/o s/o clicky - was your husband your 'type' when you met?
I voted "in some ways." I was used to dating smart fellows, but most of them (who am I kidding...all of them) were a bit more "bad boy" than my husband. While I wouldn't say J has lived on the straight and narrow, he is (by far) the only guy my parents have really welcomed- which, to me, says a lot.
Physically, he is NOTHING like what I thought my type was. Every single guy before him was tall and skinny.
I also said I would never date (let alone marry) a guy who was in the military. Jon became a Marine (reservist) a few months into our dating. Shows how much I know
When 3 Became 4
When we first met (were introduced), the only way he was my type was that he was good looking. Beyond that, he was not my type at all. In fact, I left that night giving my friend a hard time for ever thinking that she could set me up with him. I was raised in Houston, he was raised in Liberty Hill. He seemed like such a country bumpkin, and that was not my thing at all. At the time we met, he was "between jobs" (his words, I rolled my eyes), not in school, and living with his brother. That to me ='d lazy. The friends he was with got on my nerves the whole night, so I thought there was no way we'd ever be able to get along.
The next weekend the same friends that introduced us tricked us into going to dinner with them, just the 4 of us. In the smaller setting, when we actually had a chance to talk, he was really nice and really funny. A week or so after that, I got into a car accident near his house and he was the first person I called (because I knew he was closeby).. he showed up to the scene in record time, and seemed genuinely concerned. He was very helpful and comforting, and that was when I really started to look at him differently.
I never would have imagined I'd marry a bumpkin, but its working for us.
The O'Baby Blog
i think of this alot when i think about online dating. i would have never picked my dh off an online site. that just scares me that i could have missed him!!
i swore i would NEVER marry anyone of German descent (my family is German and we lived overseas half my life). his family is German! i just wanted a more affectionate person (Germans don't tend to be so warm and fuzzy). dh is very lovey.
see what i woulda missed if i had stuck to my guidelines?!
Kinda but not really. It was the solider thing that first attracted me to him, I had a thing for men in uniform
But then we went out a few times and I didn't really like him. He was so quiet and respectful, I liked more aggressive personalities. I broke up with him and we didn't talk for a few months. Once we started dating again, I got to know his true personality. When we first met, he had just gotten back from Iraq and was dealing with things I didn't understand. It took about 6 months after he came home to get to know the real him.
So he is my type, but it took awhile for me to realize that.
The Blog
I was dating my college boyfriend when I met DH, and we were just friends. Apparently I thought that my type was a self-centered (but devastatingly handsome) college lacrosse player. Yikes.
In my bag: Canon 60D, 50mm 1.4, Tamron 28-75 2.8, 430exii
I voted butterfly - because I'm divorced.
Even though it says current, I've got my own theories on it.
My XH was not my type at all. In fact, I had all kinds of red flags going up about that guy, and I should have listened to them. He pretty much wore me down over three months just to get me to go out with him, and then after that I decided that giving him a chance was worth it and ended up marrying him. Well, that was a big fat bust!
However, I will say that the reasons why it didn't work out had less to do with physical attraction and more to do with emotional/mental compatibility. We had different fundamental beliefs, education levels, hobbies, etc. and I think that was the bigger problem. Same ethnicity, but starkly different religions and upbringing. So, if religion and culture have any say in it - an arranged marriage might work out.
Since then, and with any guy I dated post divorce, there was no way I was not going to listen to myself on anyone. I figured if I could be THAT wrong on one person, I'd give myself the chance to form a solid opinion and measure it against my gut. If I had done that w the XH, it wouldn't have gone past the third date. Actually, I probably would have never gone on the first one.
With K - it was the magic I had always wanted. Seriously. Physically he was the right height/weight/build that was my "type," and he exceeded my list of wants in a guy in so many ways. We met up on our first date (which was sweet - we did bike cleaning and cooking), and spent the rest of the night (and I mean, until 6am) talking and clicking.
Now, we don't agree on politics one bit, but that just makes it more fun. It may be snotty, but I love that he is a PhD - and that he is encouraging me to go down my own educational path as well.
I didn't think that DH was my type at all! I think that I pictured myself as much more socially outgoing and just all around "cooler" than he was. He was so quiet and introverted. And he's also...well...a total nerd!
It's funny what you can't see in yourself that others can see in you. When my a couple who are friends of mine met him for the first time, the wife's comment was, "G, he's perfect for you! You two totally compliment each other."
The husband's comment was, "And now you have someone who can match you. Nerd for nerd!" LOL! Apparently I'm a big ol' nerd too. Just didn't see it until DH.
I had also had a string of mimbo boyfriends who were decidedly very much below my intellect.
Bwahah! Mimbo.
DH and I were opposites in almost every way when we met. I was a sorority girl, at a party almost every night, and he's a huge introvert who hates the Greek system. I'm Catholic, he's an atheist. He's a country boy (also from Liberty Hill- I wonder if he knows MrBeckO) and wants to live on acreage, I would lose my mind if I couldn't order Chinese. We like to joke that we would never have been matched on Match.com.
Once we got past our obvious differences though we saw how much we complement each other. I pull him out of his shell a bit and he reigns me in a bit. We are both much more balanced now. I had a bit of a thing for bad boys before I met him and it was hard for me to adjust to dating someone who treated me well.
We have really grown up together in a lot of ways even though we didn't meet until we were 21. We are very lucky in that we have grown together instead of growing apart.
My DH's family is German - his grandmother and uncle moved here from Germany, although his mother was born here. DH is very lovey dovey, nauseatingly so sometimes. Although, he certainly didn't learn it from his family. They are very typical Germans.
DH was NOT my type. We went to high school together and hung out with the same people, but did not like each other at all. Then after my first year of college and a string of "bad boys", I had reconnected with my first boyfriend who kept telling me I needed to drop the loosers and meet a nice guy with some morals, blah blah blah. How DH and I got together is kinda a long story, but he was so different from everyone else I'd been dating, it was a breath of fresh air.
Of course .... then I ruined him
Not even close. He is Jewish and from highly populated Orange County, CA. I am Christian and from small town Texas. He was one of the first Jewish people I had ever met.
This.
Not at all. Not that I had a type I was aiming for in my head- he just wasn't like anyone I had ever known, in that he didn't party hard, do any drugs, smoke, and had never been arrested. That was pretty impressive to me at the time.
(Oh yes, my klassy roots are showing.)
DH was much older, mature, established. Everything that I wasn't. We became friends, and that led to more after awhile. This is something we've been talking about more lately, but he was at such a difficult time in his life, that I don't think he really had his head screwed on straight. We're both super happy though, and it all worked out for a reason.
DH was physically exactly my type: dark skin, dark hair, dark eyes. However, the guys that were my physical type before him didn't come with the sweet nature, loving spirit, education, or overall "good boy" that DH had.
I was totally smitten and ridiculously drawn to him from our first date. I hadn't felt that with anyone so I just ran with it. 5 years later we were married.
"The House We Built."
A journey of building the dream.