Hi, I'm new and looking for advice.
Hi, I'm new to The Bump--I think. I use to be a knottie a long time ago--and I think I may have been scared off from The Bump while I was pregnant with my daughter (17 months old).
So my story...
In July, much to my surprise, I found out I was pregnant again. I was shocked, and a little nervous ( my daughter was only 14 months at the time), but I was okay with it. DH was the same way. We found out on a Thursday, and that following Monday I had made a doctors appt to verify and start setting up pre-natal appts. . However, that Monday morning, I started bleeding and it progressed into a natural miscarriage. My body handled it really well. I was in little pain. It was just what I would say would qualify as intense period.
However, 3.5 months later, here I am still depressed over the issue. I'm a SAHM/student. DH works and goes to school--with the exception of the day it happened, I pretty much was home with my DD alone. Instead of being upset all day, I'd smile and play with her until she napped and went to bed, and then I'd cry. Dh and his bro (also a co-worker) also got into a huge fight this week (and i don't think it would have happened had I not miscarriage--just a lot of emotions sparked from my husband).
Anyway, I feel like DH and I are fighting all the time now. He's really not interested in having another baby until later next year or sometime in 2012, and I feel I have a whole in my heart. I'm so jealous of everyone pregnant, especially those who are due around the same time as I would have been. I wasn't happy for them ( but I wasn't wishing harm either..) I was just sad... when people announced their pregnancies for a few weeks around my miscarriage.
I am so thankful to have a happy little girl and I am thankful to have a DH who loves me... I just don't know how to get out of this funk.
Any advice/words of wisdom would be great.
Re: Hi, I'm new and looking for advice.
Don't think that you are not welcome here
I just had a chemical pregnancy today so I am very new in my journey after a pregnancy loss. I also have a toddler and these women have been nothing but supportive even though I have a child already.
A loss is a loss no matter if you have children already or not.
I don't really know what advice I can give, just that I am sorry for your loss and the aftermath that is has created between DH and you.
Oh, and come to the toddler board more often....right now we have a lot of AE's running rampant but hopefully that will calm down.
edit: I wanted to add that I did the same thing today that you described....putting on a brave and happy face with my son and then once he was down for a nap I just bawled my eyes out. DH works nights and goes to class in the mornings so I am alone a lot...I feel your isolation with this. I just wish I had someone here today to hold instead of being by myself with my thoughts and pain. I plan on telling my mom after Halloween so at least I can talk to her about it.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I definitely feel anyone is welcome here no matter how many children they have. Some people put warnings in their subject when a DC is mentioned, but I don't feel it's necessary.
As far as how to move on... I think everyone is different. For me staying busy has helped and I'm trying to do all the things that keep me sane no matter what kind of stress I am under. Getting sunshine and fresh air is a big one for me. Maybe take DD for a walk or to the park? I also find light exercise is important, although I haven't been as good about that one as I'd like to be. Keeping my mind busy has been a big one too. Maybe plan special activities with DD for each day or start working on a project like scrap booking or organizing. When worse comes to worse and I feel swamped by it, I try to talk to others, my husband, or come on here to give others support.
In the end, none of these takes the pain away. It will always be there, but with time it will lessen. Do things that help time pass and make you happy in the interim, but also give yourself time to grieve. Know that all these feelings are normal and expected. Be gentle with yourself. ((HUGS))
BFP#2 3/16/11, beta 138; 4/12 Baby/HB DS born 9/10/11 at 29w4d due to partial abruption and PTL
BFP#3 8/19/13 Another boy! 17P, modified bedrest and Nifedipine helped us have a termie! DS2 born 4/19/14 at 38w5d.