s/o Clicky: Being gay

misjenn · October 2010

Do you think that being gay is a choice people make or do you believe it's genetic?
[Poll]

MrsAJL · October 2010

For those who chose "other", I'm really curious as to how else a person can be gay (if they don't choose and it's not innate, then what?)

Nessia · October 2010

I don't get the other. Aren't those the only options? You either believe it's a choice or you are born that way? Unless the other option is for those undecided?

misjenn · October 2010

MrsAJL:
For those who chose "other", I'm really curious as to how else a person can be gay (if they don't choose and it's not innate, then what?)

LOL. Agreed but I thought I would include it just in case :-)

molliedb · October 2010

i chose other. i think its more complicated than that, or can be. there are lots of natural inclinations that i have that i don't act on or choose not to act on that are part of my nature, the way i was born.

so while i do think you are either naturally attracted to the opposite sex, same sex, or both, i do think some people choose to NOT act on it based on their personal convictions that it is not 'right'.

does that make sense?

MrsAJL · October 2010

misjenn:
MrsAJL:
For those who chose "other", I'm really curious as to how else a person can be gay (if they don't choose and it's not innate, then what?)
LOL. Agreed but I thought I would include it just in case :-)

No, I know. I just want to the "Other" choosers to out themselves and explain a little bit. Smile

ssinca · October 2010

I voted you are either born gay or you are not - IMO, I will never be attracted to a female in the way that I'm attracted to a male. no ifs, ands, or buts.

BUT, I recently met a CW who is "gay" - I use the quotes because I don't actually think she's gay in the true sense. she had multiple horrible, abusive, relationships with men and said she will never trust a man ever again. so, she decided to have a female partner - she's even claimed she's not gay, but she wants companionship and again, doesn't trust men.

yes, she's a special kind of crazy. I don't personally get it, but whatever floats your boat.

Nessia · October 2010

molliedb:
so while i do think you are either naturally attracted to the opposite sex, same sex, or both, i do think some people choose to NOT act on it based on their personal convictions that it is not 'right'.
does that make sense?

I think that puts you in the "born that way" category.

MrsAJL · October 2010

molliedb:
i chose other. i think its more complicated than that, or can be. there are lots of natural inclinations that i have that i don't act on or choose not to act on that are part of my nature, the way i was born.
so while i do think you are either naturally attracted to the opposite sex, same sex, or both, i do think some people choose to NOT act on it based on their personal convictions that it is not 'right'.
does that make sense?

So the choice is related to the action but not to a state of being? Just clarifying; not flaming.

Abrooks · October 2010

Nessia:
molliedb:
so while i do think you are either naturally attracted to the opposite sex, same sex, or both, i do think some people choose to NOT act on it based on their personal convictions that it is not 'right'.
does that make sense?
I think that puts you in the "born that way" category.

Makes sense. And I agree - that seems like the "born that way" category. This is my friend. Actually a couple people I know. They are attracted to the same sex but have chosen to not act on it. They never chose who they were attracted to. They've chosen what they will do with that attraction.

MrsAJL · October 2010

What makes this discussion extremely nuanced is that human sexuality isn't defined in all-or-nothing terms. For the majority of humans, we all entertain a certain degree of sexual flexibility. For some of us that flexibility is extremely small (nths of degrees.) For others, it's far more fluid.

Imagine human sexuality being defined on a spectrum. At one end is "100% homosexual", meaning no thoughts, desires, curiosity, interest, feelings of attraction to any person of the opposite sex. At the other end is "100% heterosexual" (same definition with respect to the same gender.)

Very few people for the duration of their lives will always sit at the extreme poles. Most humans will float in one direction of the other, some people sitting very, very close to the poles (i.e. 99.999% heterosexual), throughout their lives. However, other people may float drastically or moderately between the two extremes (i.e. the ol' college experimentation anecdote, etc.)

molliedb · October 2010

I guess that is my very limited understanding but again like I said inthe other post it's not something I see as worthy of polarizing or even of note. when it comes down to it the state of our heart and how we love people is what is important. Not who we want to have sex with. Just my opinion of course

Chicklit · October 2010

MrsAJL:
Imagine human sexuality being defined on a spectrum. At one end is "100% homosexual", meaning no thoughts, desires, curiosity, interest, feelings of attraction to any person of the opposite sex. At the other end is "100% heterosexual" (same definition with respect to the same gender.)

I agree. I think we're all born somewhere on that spectrum -- either more gay or more straight.

bobcatsteph · October 2010

I chose other, but I really believe in both. I think some people are born that way and others choose it.

I have three friends from college that dated a girl (the same girl actually..at different times) for several months-several years. All three of them are now happily married and attracted to their husbands, two of them have kids.

I also know two women who were married, had kids, and were abused by their husbands and now chose to be in long term relationships with women.

AmethystBride · October 2010

bobcatsteph:
I have three friends from college that dated a girl (the same girl actually..at different times) for several months-several years.

I have to ask--this girl's name didn't happen to start with the letter J, did it?

bobcatsteph · October 2010

AmethystBride:
bobcatsteph:
I have three friends from college that dated a girl (the same girl actually..at different times) for several months-several years.

I have to ask--this girl's name didn't happen to start with the letter J, did it?

No, an M. I really think I know who you're talking about though and the two were actually friends. Was who you're thinking of an Orientation Assistant?

2H2L · October 2010

Did anyone else see the discovery channel special where they studied identical twins where one was heterosexual and one homosexual? Very interesting-- they traced a difference down to a very small part of their genetics. Anyway, did anyone else watch it? I think I agree with MrsAJL after seeing it and that we're all on a fluid spectrum.

HSartteach · October 2010

I didn't read the responses so I don't know if I am repeating anything. IMO, from the research I have read, I do believe that being a gay male is something you are born with...there is something in the brain that gives you those feelings/attractions towards another male.

As for females, I don't believe it is as cut and dry as you are born gay or you aren't. I have known too many women who like men, then decide they are gay, then went back to males...thus deciding that perhaps they are bisexual. I do know some women who have been with women all their lives and have never been with a man, nor have they wanted to. I think for some women it is more of a choice and that society is okay with it (more so than for men). I don't know of any man who plays around with being gay (xcept for Alan Harper on 2 1/2 men) then goes back to women...

I chose other btw.

AmethystBride · October 2010

bobcatsteph:
AmethystBride:

bobcatsteph:
I have three friends from college that dated a girl (the same girl actually..at different times) for several months-several years.

I have to ask--this girl's name didn't happen to start with the letter J, did it?

No, an M. I really think I know who you're talking about though and the two were actually friends. Was who you're thinking of an Orientation Assistant?

Yes! I worked with her during PAWS Preview one year, and she and I had several friends in common.

JezcaM · October 2010

i believe, similarly to a couple of others who have posted, that we're born with inclinations towards all sorts of things, and choose to either resist or act on them. someone is born with dna that makes them more emotional, for example. but they can control those feelings - just takes more effort than it would for someone without those inclinations. someone is born with dna that makes them lose their temper more easily than others - doesn't mean it's ok for them to be violent. does that make sense?

if science proved that there was a gay gene that gave the person no choice/control over those feelings, then i would wonder what other preferences we're born with. was my husband born with the inability to like onions? if so, i should cut him some serious slack! haha. but seriously, what about pedophiles? if a gay person is born gay, is a pedophile born a pedophile? what about a zoophile? i think people might have stronger certain sexual inclinations than most others, but i don't think those inclinations are beyond control/choice.

ultimately, i think love is a choice. i think you can choose to love or hate just about anyone. certainly there are factors that make that choice easier or more difficult, but it's still a choice.

i think i'm rambling so i'll stop there.

Tiffany5412 · October 2010

MrsAJL:
What makes this discussion extremely nuanced is that human sexuality isn't defined in all-or-nothing terms. For the majority of humans, we all entertain a certain degree of sexual flexibility. For some of us that flexibility is extremely small (nths of degrees.) For others, it's far more fluid.
Imagine human sexuality being defined on a spectrum. At one end is "100% homosexual", meaning no thoughts, desires, curiosity, interest, feelings of attraction to any person of the opposite sex. At the other end is "100% heterosexual" (same definition with respect to the same gender.)
Very few people for the duration of their lives will always sit at the extreme poles. Most humans will float in one direction of the other, some people sitting very, very close to the poles (i.e. 99.999% heterosexual), throughout their lives. However, other people may float drastically or moderately between the two extremes (i.e. the ol' college experimentation anecdote, etc.)

If you've ever visited my Facebook page you will see I'm a huge advocate for gay rights. I've taken sexuality courses and absolutely love to discuss this stuff. But in order to not geek out here. I do believe in what she posted above. A version of the Kinsey scale of sexuality:

https://www.iub.edu/~kinsey/research/ak-hhscale.html

I believe in sexuality on a sliding continuum - no set numbers, just gradually sliding up and down the scale.

The other reason I chose "other" is that I do believe some people who fall/are born more in the middle of the scale (and possibly more on the heterosexual end of the spectrum) can choose who they want to be with because they are attracted to both. Some due to past trauma, experiences, etc. Some simply because they fall for the person of the same sex.

Not sure if anything that I said makes sense. But if you want to enjoy a cup of coffee and discuss it I'm happy to. Smile

bobcatsteph · October 2010

AmethystBride:
bobcatsteph:
AmethystBride:

bobcatsteph:
I have three friends from college that dated a girl (the same girl actually..at different times) for several months-several years.

I have to ask--this girl's name didn't happen to start with the letter J, did it?

No, an M. I really think I know who you're talking about though and the two were actually friends. Was who you're thinking of an Orientation Assistant?

Yes! I worked with her during PAWS Preview one year, and she and I had several friends in common.

Haha. She was my boss when I was an OA. I don't know how, but her and the M girl I was talking about would set their sights on straight girls and end up getting them to date them.

AmethystBride · October 2010

bobcatsteph:
AmethystBride:
bobcatsteph:
AmethystBride:

bobcatsteph:
I have three friends from college that dated a girl (the same girl actually..at different times) for several months-several years.

I have to ask--this girl's name didn't happen to start with the letter J, did it?

No, an M. I really think I know who you're talking about though and the two were actually friends. Was who you're thinking of an Orientation Assistant?

Yes! I worked with her during PAWS Preview one year, and she and I had several friends in common.

Haha. She was my boss when I was an OA. I don't know how, but her and the M girl I was talking about would set their sights on straight girls and end up getting them to date them.

I know! J used to joke about how one of favorite things to do was "turn" freshmen girls.

AustinMimi · October 2010

Every gay person I know says they were born that way. I haven't read a ton of queer theory, but I have friends who write about this almost exclusively and my understanding is that the notion that queerness is learned is considered pretty offensive to many gay communities.

ashleybritton · October 2010

Tiffany5412:
MrsAJL:

What makes this discussion extremely nuanced is that human sexuality isn't defined in all-or-nothing terms. For the majority of humans, we all entertain a certain degree of sexual flexibility. For some of us that flexibility is extremely small (nths of degrees.) For others, it's far more fluid.

Imagine human sexuality being defined on a spectrum. At one end is "100% homosexual", meaning no thoughts, desires, curiosity, interest, feelings of attraction to any person of the opposite sex. At the other end is "100% heterosexual" (same definition with respect to the same gender.)

Very few people for the duration of their lives will always sit at the extreme poles. Most humans will float in one direction of the other, some people sitting very, very close to the poles (i.e. 99.999% heterosexual), throughout their lives. However, other people may float drastically or moderately between the two extremes (i.e. the ol' college experimentation anecdote, etc.)

If you've ever visited my Facebook page you will see I'm a huge advocate for gay rights. I've taken sexuality courses and absolutely love to discuss this stuff. But in order to not geek out here. I do believe in what she posted above. A version of the Kinsey scale of sexuality:

https://www.iub.edu/~kinsey/research/ak-hhscale.html

I believe in sexuality on a sliding continuum - no set numbers, just gradually sliding up and down the scale.

The other reason I chose "other" is that I do believe some people who fall/are born more in the middle of the scale (and possibly more on the heterosexual end of the spectrum) can choose who they want to be with because they are attracted to both. Some due to past trauma, experiences, etc. Some simply because they fall for the person of the same sex.

Not sure if anything that I said makes sense. But if you want to enjoy a cup of coffee and discuss it I'm happy to.

I agree with this completely. I also think that people who firmly beleive that being gay is a choice are the people who probably fall within the middle of the spectrum and therefore choosing to be straight is something that seems more logical to them. (I realize that's a little flame worthy)

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