I dont even know how to title this post..

monj76 · October 2010

I totally lost it on Hunter this morning.

I know I may get flamed for this, and that is understandable. I just have to get it off my chest.

I made pancakes and gave Hunter control of the syrup.I usually pour it for him, but he demonstrated good control the last couple times so I let him pour. I told him not to pour too much, and demonstrated how much. Well a few minutes later, I came out of the kitchen to find him emptying the bottle on the few bites left on his plate. They were floating. So I got really mad, but I was trying to keep my cool. I told him to eat his food. He refused because there was too much syrup... Angry

I yelled, screamed and threatened, and forced him into time out. He would not eat it. I took his Nintendo DS away (he had just gotten it back after having it taken away for more than a year because he broke the screen), and yelled some more. I don't even remember the sequence, but there was a hard smack on his leg and I squeezed his arm. I feel horrible that I couldn't keep my cool.

I need to get counseling/therapy/anything. I am going to call his therapist in a little bit when Logan goes down.

neverblushed · October 2010

Hang in there -- you will be able to work with a therapist to come up with strategies to help you cope with moments like this! Apologize to him for getting frustrated and angry when he comes home from school today.

And make sure your apology is not just words by making that phone call today.

What got to you the most -- that he messed up when pouring the syrup, that he then said he didn't want to eat it because there was too much syrup, or something that went down in the yelling match that followed?

monj76 · October 2010

neverblushed:

Hang in there -- you will be able to work with a therapist to come up with strategies to help you cope with moments like this! Apologize to him for getting frustrated and angry when he comes home from school today.

And make sure your apology is not just words by making that phone call today.

What got to you the most -- that he messed up when pouring the syrup, that he then said he didn't want to eat it because there was too much syrup, or something that went down in the yelling match that followed?

What got me was that he was putting more and more syrup on it, then didnt even want it. Then it escalated when he looked at me and screamed in a really high pitch, and attempted to up-turn the table.

It is very hard to not blame him for my inability to control my anger. That makes me extremely mad at myself because it is my fault, not his.

monj76 · October 2010

I put the call in, now I'm waiting for the therapist to call me back.

mrsskiz · October 2010

Honestly, dont beat yourself up about it. I honestly think kids are coddled too much these days. He was told not to do something, he is old enough to do for himself and he should have known better but he did it anyway. He should have been disiplined. You handled it exactly how it would have been handled in my house.

Im sure a combination of other stresses in your life also led to the blow up being bigger than normal. its ok. It happens. Think about when you were growing up. If I did something like that I would have gotten my butt spanked. Its called parenting. You live you learn, you move on. Your kid isnt going to be scarred for life because you grabbed his arm. Yes, you will feel bad about it, but when things calm down explain to him why you did what you did and why you were upset. I dont think you need therapy. Maybe a friend to talk to that knows you and Hunter on a personal level.

I have a very very difficult child and Im sorry if what I said sounds harsh, it by no means is meant to be. That is just the way I have to parent my child. If you give a little in the disipline area, he will take you for evrything you have, so I tend to be a little more stern in that area.

shouldbworkin · October 2010

(((hugs))) we all have bad days and kudos to you for making the call to get help! I think it is really important that you apologize to your DS and talk about things you both could have done differently. Kids learn by example, the good and the bad. So, try to make some good out of it.

FWIW, I yelled at DS this morning b/c he spilled his milk (all over my freshly mopped floor!). Such a cliche to yell/cry over spilled milk, but I did it. I wish I could have just said oops, but I couldn't. We didn't have time for something like that this morning. KWIM?

ValAndRyan · October 2010

Awe...seriously, I agree with pp..don't beat yourself up at all! We all have bad days and I have quite a few stories of my own with DS. It seriously is a learning process to be honest. I can have a temper and get mad very easily but I've learned to know when it is coming on or better yet, I start to prepare myself of some "surprises" that may occur with him and try to remain calm or even laugh about things.

DandelionMom · October 2010

We all have bad days and kids can do some really strange things (my 4 y/o stuck a bead up her nose last night). You're doing the right thing by apologizing to him and looking for help for yourself. Hang in there mama.

mrs.dovey · October 2010

I am a screamer also. It happens. It is a natural reaction when you are upset. I have a firestarter and when I called his therapist for help she wanted to put me on lexapro or something like that so I would have a "longer fuse" I didn't do it, but have tried reminding myself to count to ten before I punish. I have also made a deal with SS. If I am flipping out over something small he is to ask for a time out. This is for both of us, so I can calm down while he thinks about what he did wrong. This has really helped because I am much better at parenting with a clear mind. Good luck!

neverblushed · October 2010

Mrs.Skiz:
Honestly, dont beat yourself up about it. I honestly think kids are coddled too much these days. He was told not to do something, he is old enough to do for himself and he should have known better but he did it anyway. He should have been disiplined. You handled it exactly how it would have been handled in my house.

Im sure a combination of other stresses in your life also led to the blow up being bigger than normal. its ok. It happens. Think about when you were growing up. If I did something like that I would have gotten my butt spanked. Its called parenting. You live you learn, you move on. Your kid isnt going to be scarred for life because you grabbed his arm. Yes, you will feel bad about it, but when things calm down explain to him why you did what you did and why you were upset. I dont think you need therapy. Maybe a friend to talk to that knows you and Hunter on a personal level.

I have a very very difficult child and Im sorry if what I said sounds harsh, it by no means is meant to be. That is just the way I have to parent my child. If you give a little in the disipline area, he will take you for evrything you have, so I tend to be a little more stern in that area.

I do think the OP's son should be held accountable for using too much syrup in defiance of mom's instructions. I don't think anyone's suggesting that the OP should just blow this off. Clearly, discipline is called for.

However, the difference in this situation is that the OP knows that she reacts with a short fuse and with an irrational level of anger/yelling/physical punishment. (Scroll down for previous posts.) She knows the way she's handling her son is actually making things worse, not better.

So I agree that the OP shouldn't be flamed, but I also don't think she needs to hear "hey, don't worry about it, you're just being a strict parent."

The important thing is that SHE has already recognized that there's more going on here than just discipline and that she need help.

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