Love my boyfriend, but I almost smacked him last night...(long) (Not vent, just funny)

kgabardy · October 2010

Ok, so I'm just in the mood to share this, and get to have a 'girl moment' for a bit.

So my boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, and we are expecting a daughter in early March. We have 3 boys between the two of us, and we've been discussing marriage off and on since we found out I was pregnant. He knows I'd marry him in a heartbeat, but he's more gun-shy, due to a lot of issues with what his ex wife did to him (long story, won't go into it here). I understand his reasons, and I've never pressured him even once for marriage, although I have told him, word for word, that I don't need a ring, romance, or any of that....as long as he just actually asks me. His family has actually been putting more pressure on him than me, haha! But we agree that we want to get married for the right reasons, and not just because of the baby. (Although, girl-to-girl, I have wanted to marry him for most of the time we've been dating, haha....hey, when you find the one, you just know)

So last night we're relaxing, and talking about possible Halloween costumes. And he says "Hey, you could always go as my pregnant wife."

Of course, I had to control my giddy self and put on a poker face as I pretended to laugh off his twisted sense of humor, and I simply said "Ha, ha....you're such a tease." But then I got to thinking....is he getting close to asking me? Because lately he's made comments similar to that, but that's the closest he's come to flat out asking me...or maybe I'm just being a silly girl and reading too much into it. But seriously, who makes a comment like that without having the serious thought in their mind??!!??

Amazing that at 30 years old, I still get giddy like I'm 16, haha. Anyways, just wanted to share and have some 'girl talk.'

Wifezzilla · October 2010

i think once you decide to start making babies with someone, you ought to be past the "reading into it too much" stage. i'd be pissed if i were ready for marriage, and my supposed partner was unable to take it seriously.

to me it's a red flag if he's still not over what his ex may have done to him. you are a different person, and he didn't seem to have a problem when he made a baby with you.

kgabardy · October 2010

I should clairfy (I didn't go into major detail before, since I was trying to keep a long story short)....he takes it very seriously, which is why we're waiting on marriage. Our pregnancy wasn't planned ( I was actually on the pill, so it was a definite surprise!), but we're both happy about it, and looking forward to raising our daughter together.

He's definitely over the ex, and they've both moved on, and we actually all get along fairly well these days, mainly for the sake of the kids. He doesn't harbor resentment, and he's never made me feel like he thinks that I'd do what she did....it's more of a "they rushed into things, and never took the time to get to know each other on the basis of everyday living together." (my words, not his) They got married young, and it didn't last long.

I see your point, but I also see his....like I said, there's more background to his reasons for waiting a bit (even though he has said it will happen, just when we're both ready), but I just didn't feel the need to put them in my original post. I've kept a fairly level head about the whole thing from the start.....my post was more of just a "Hey ladies, I'm sharing some news that's a big deal to me", because I don't have a lot of close female friends to be able to share it with, so I figured this was as good a place as any.

mrsbmw09 · October 2010

Wifezzilla:

i think once you decide to start making babies with someone, you ought to be past the "reading into it too much" stage. i'd be pissed if i were ready for marriage, and my supposed partner was unable to take it seriously.

to me it's a red flag if he's still not over what his ex may have done to him. you are a different person, and he didn't seem to have a problem when he made a baby with you.

This.

I think maybe you do need to put your foot down. A baby is a bigger commitment than marriage, IMO. You can always divorce someone, but if you have a baby you're with them for life, so I don't understand not marrying the mother of your unborn child. It's time for him to grow up, regardless of what his ex may have done to him.

MissYouDietCoke · October 2010

I don't know, I thought your story was kind of cute.

I know it's cliche and trite, but try to be patient. I also wouldn't rush into marriage just because of a child. It's the right thing to do to make sure you are getting married for the right reasons.

ksmielitz · October 2010

Boys hint just to get out of doing the "real thing"...I think your giddiness is sweet...and I'm glad you played it off instead of just jumping at an affirmative answer.

Hang in there and make sure he does it right!! Best of luck to you guys!

kgabardy · October 2010

Thanks ladies....I appreciate the advice and well wishes.

Having gone through a pretty rough divorce myself in the past, I'm actually pretty glad he's waiting until he's ready. It shows me that he's not only marrying me because of the baby, but also because he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

I'll keep the updates coming, because I'm getting that gut feeling/woman's intuition that it may be happening soon! (I hope anyways, haha)

RayRay007 · October 2010

I'm glad you're excited and it is cute, but my first thought was that it is pretty common around my H's group of friends to call gf's "the wife". It is still awesome that he considers you "the wife", and I hope you do get married some day for the right reasons

EMarberry · October 2010

I think your story is cute and it sounds like you two have a really good understanding in your relationship, and that's so incredibly important. Better to wait and make sure you are both ready, and marry to stay together rather than have a shotgun wedding bc you are KU. I think it's sweet that he's beating around the bush, it shows that he's thinking about it. Let us know if he pops the question!!!

BeetleLinz1125 · October 2010

I think it's cute. I also think that maybe he is starting to talk about it more because he is trying to get used to the idea. My fiance called me his wife for a year before he actually proposed....and hopefully we will be setting a date soon (we've been engaged since December, we are trying to move in our house before we plan a wedding). Sometimes guys just need to take time to get comfortable with an idea and "try it out" before they actually do it. Sounds like he is trying to see how it sounds, which is good. I also agree with PP saying that it's good you didn't get all giddy and serious about it and start planning...I can see that happening and you pulling out wedding books, fabric swatches and magazines LOL. I would do the same thing LOL.

kgabardy · October 2010

BeetleLinz1125:
I think it's cute. I also think that maybe he is starting to talk about it more because he is trying to get used to the idea. My fiance called me his wife for a year before he actually proposed....and hopefully we will be setting a date soon (we've been engaged since December, we are trying to move in our house before we plan a wedding). Sometimes guys just need to take time to get comfortable with an idea and "try it out" before they actually do it. Sounds like he is trying to see how it sounds, which is good. I also agree with PP saying that it's good you didn't get all giddy and serious about it and start planning...I can see that happening and you pulling out wedding books, fabric swatches and magazines LOL. I would do the same thing LOL.

Haha trust me, I already did that with my first wedding....had the whole big ordeal, with 250 guests, and spent waaaaaaay too much money. He did that as well with his wedding, so plain and simple is fine by us. We already decided that when we get married, we're totally cool with having Elvis take care of it for us in Vegas, haha. He's even told me that the Justice of the Peace isn't too expensive....to which I responded that I'd marry him in sweatpants in our backyard if I had to.
I agree that he's probably 'testing it out' a bit....he's very much that type, to get himself used to an idea before fully jumping in. And especially since there's 4 kids involved (baby included), then I'm totally fine with that.

Jennis22 · October 2010

mrsbmw09:
Wifezzilla:

i think once you decide to start making babies with someone, you ought to be past the "reading into it too much" stage. i'd be pissed if i were ready for marriage, and my supposed partner was unable to take it seriously.

to me it's a red flag if he's still not over what his ex may have done to him. you are a different person, and he didn't seem to have a problem when he made a baby with you.
This.
I think maybe you do need to put your foot down. A baby is a bigger commitment than marriage, IMO. You can always divorce someone, but if you have a baby you're with them for life, so I don't understand not marrying the mother of your unborn child. It's time for him to grow up, regardless of what his ex may have done to him.

And that's why the divorce rate is so high today. People go into marriage thinking if it doesn't work out they can always get a divorce as an easy out. Why not just wait and be sure that you're in it 100%?

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Love my boyfriend, but I almost smacked him last night...(long) (Not vent, just funny)

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