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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
Why shouldn't a newborn CIO?
I am so SICK of everybody telling me I need to let Sadie "cry a little" and how "it's good for her" or how "I'm spoiling her". I know a baby under 4 months cannot self sooth nor manipulate you (crying JUST so you'll pick her up, not for a reason, even if the reason is needing reasurrance or a snuggle) or be spoiled!
I know this from reading here and a few pregnancy books but I want solid sources. So PLEASE give me links, books, resources so I can point these nosey people in the right direction of why I WILL NOT let my 3 month old (and they have been "suggesting" it since the beginning) wail. Plu she's my baby so MYOB!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Why shouldn't a newborn CIO?
No link for you with this one, but Happiest Baby on the Block says that the first 3 months of life are the '4th Trimester' where baby is adjusting to be out and you can't spoil them. They have just been carried around for 9 months and you're slowly letting them get used to being on their own. It's scary for a newborn to go through such an abrupt change and holding and comforting them makes it easier.
I'm sure there will be many parenting moments when people don't agree with our choices. I just wish they'd keep it to themselves!
Someone posted this link to one of my old posts about DH wanting to let DS CIO:
https://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-parenting.html
tell the to look up Erikson's stages.
https://www.vtaide.com/blessing/ERIK1.htm
SkipperG--WTF is he supposed to do as an infant? Walk himself.
Sarah-
"When infants are crying and not being attended to, their brains release stress hormones. There?s increasing evidence that this changes the whole physiology of how they?ll deal with stress for the rest of their lives.
Stress on developing brain
These are very young children with rapidly developing brains, and when the hormone cortisol is secreted under stress, it can damage the amygdala (the part of the brain that controls emotion). There?s also some evidence that it can damage the hippocampus, which deals with memory. And the longer babies cry, the more of this hormone gets secreted. There are a number of studies where they?ve stressed animals and then looked at their brains -- I don?t think this is very controversial.
Long-term damage
We know from retrospective studies that the worst possible condition a baby can be subject to is abandonment for periods of time. With a little extrapolation, you can see that in some cases, when babies are not getting attention and have to scream and yell to get it, it can do damage. It?s probably good for every baby to avoid this ? we?re talking about long-term effects here. Impaired attachment creates some of the most severe mental illnesses -- borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder -- and is also seen in psychopaths. The studies are pretty clear on the long-term effects of disordered and ambivalent attachment.
Too tough for babies
There?s something pathologically wrong with people who want to be tough on babies. There?s this whole sort of notion that the tougher you are with children, the better they?ll be as adults. But actually, there?s research that supports the idea that giving children safety and contact early on leads to more secure children.
No evidence
There are all sorts of myths about things that are good for babies, but there?s just no evidence that these harsh child rearing practices are good for kids."
Dr. Michael Lamport Collins, Ph.D. is an assistant clinical professor in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. Dr. Patrice Marie Miller, Ed.D. is a clinical instructor in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, and a professor in the Department of Psychology at Salem State College.
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OHMIGOD I SO HATE THE NEW NEST. I've tried to post this 5 times and it hasn't worked. UGG.
OK--basically the so called inventor of Cry it Out, Dr. Ferber, says that babies should not be left to cry it out until they are emotionally phsyically ready (4-6 months). And you never really leave them to just cry until they pass out. You are supposed to help them learn self soothing techniques. At 12 weeks, if you let your baby cry it out, they would just cry until they gave up thinking they were abandoned. You can get more info off it on the web but even Dr. Ferber's method doesn't tell you to let them cry until they stop. He says to go in and rub the baby's back and soothe them. Then leave. Over time you let longer and longer increments go between soothings. At least the baby knows you are coming eventually and will self soothe themselves to sleep.
The next time someone tells you to let them cry it out, you ask them for scientific research on how it's OK to do it. Tell them your extensive reading on the pros and cons has lead you to be educated in knowing that crying it out is not the best option but you for your opinion. Love, Jenn
https://www.babycenter.com/0_the-ferber-method-demystified_7755.bc?page=2
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Physical contact and reassurance will make children more secure when they
finally head out on their own and make them better able to form their own
adult relationships.
I'm done now.
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