do you eat dessert?
DH and I were talking tonight about dessert and whether or not we ate it regularly when we were growing up. DH can't remember (I think he's blocked out most of his childhood...I blame MIL...lol), but I know that we never had dessert after dinner on a regular basis. If my mom was making a big Sunday dinner, then she'd usually make a dessert, but that was about it. We didn't even have cookies or ice cream on a regular weeknight.
Now was adults, DH and I do have a cookie or dessert (usually Skinny Cow ice cream bars) after dinner. And if Warner eats most of his dinner, I'll usually give him a couple of those little Earth's Best vanilla cookies.
But now I'm wondering if that's a bad habit to get into...maybe we should just nix dessert since it's basically empty calories for us all (obviously we aren't going eat dessert if he's not and we don't need it anyway).
I'm so torn between not wanting to let him have too many sweets and not wanting to put them so off limits that he thinks it's a really big deal to get them. We never had sweets in the house when I was a little and I spent the bulk of my childhood plotting how to get money so I could buy candy. And I don't want to only use sweets as a reward.
I'm sure I'm putting too much thought into it, but is anyone else crazy like me? What's your plan?
Re: do you eat dessert?
I didn't grow up with dessert being a regular thing.
As long as you're doing the "sweets in moderation" (and it sounds like you are) I don't think it's a big deal.
Honestly, I think if I had a modest amount of cookies after dinner a few times a week I would have learned more about portion control and moderation.
I love sweets, mmm, I have a really strong sweet tooth! I honestly don't recall if I got "dessert" as a child. I promised myself I would not use food as reward or punishment w/ my kids, b/c that's what leads to adult obesity and food issues (not the only thing of course but it doesn't help). Having said that, DD does not often get dessert. She does sometimes get a "treat," but it's never tied to behavior. It's usually b/c we eat something and she sees it and wants it. For the most part, we do our dessert eating after she's in bed. I always offer a fruit at the end of dinner and in my mind that's her dessert. I never send any treat-like/dessert food to DCP.
I am letting myself have ice cream now b/c I'm nursing and I need the extra calories/calcium
but after I'm done, I'll try to limit my sweets intake.
I think if a certain food is not often present at home, then the child won't even know what (s)he is missing. It's not just desserts, it could be salty foods, too. I think it's OK to offer it once in a while, but he can't want what he does not know exists (this gets harder once kids start interacting w/ other kids outside the home).
I seem to remember we had ice cream a lot after dinner growing up. As for right now, DH usually has yogurt and I have a popcicle or a skinny cow but it's usually after DD goes to bed so she doesn't eat the whole thing because she wants whatever I'm eating.
I haven't thought much specifically about desserts but as far as food in general, I think I will take the approach my mom took. She is a dietitian and basically used the everything in moderation approach. She tried to encourage healthy foods and cooked balanced meals but she also allowed some junk food in moderation. I remember that we had pizza every Sunday night and sometimes she'd get donuts for Sunday morning before church. We had potatoe chips in the house and she let us enjoy all of the candies and sweets during the holidays. I never felt deprived but at the same time I'm thankful she also instilled healthy eating habits in us. So, that's what I'm going to aim for.
We didn't have dessert on a regular basis growing up. We'd have it for special occasions or when Mom just felt like making something. We did also sometimes just have something sweet around, like ice cream or Chips Ahoy cookies, that could be eaten by anyone who wanted it. I would say, though, that I didn't grow up thinking of dessert as a regular part of dinner.
DH's family does almost always have dessert with dinner. When DS and I stayed with my ILs for a week over the summer, I eventually just started declining dessert after dinner. I like it occasionally, but every night is just too much for me.
We follow more my mom's model when we eat at home. We have dessert occasionally if I make something or if I buy something that sounds good. Other times, there's usually something in the cabinet (currently Kit Kats) if DH just can't go without dessert. DS has the occasional cookie, but that's about it as far as dessert for him.
I eat something for dessert pretty much every night. When I was growing up, I was always allowed to have dessert - not immediately after dinner - but shortly before bed. My parents controlled the portions, though.
DH doesn't eat dessert every night, but he can inhale a bag of halloween candy in 1 or 2 days, so I think there's something to portion control. I rarely eat sweets other than my evening dessert.
Full disclosure - I am a childhood obesity researcher and pretty passionate about this. Here are some things I try to follow.
What we know from the research is that children who have parents who are too controlling in terms of food intake have a higher risk for obesity.
As PP's said, moderation is good so teaching him its a once in a while thing not tied to behavior or comfort is good.
That said, we recommend NOT ALWAYS GIVING DESSERT LAST. This makes it a reward for eating dinner. It doesn't give it the "just a food" status of everything else we eat. Sometimes give a little sweet thing first. That way he also won't learn to crave it after a meal. WHen they get older, you can let them choose if they want dessert first or last.
Also, never make them clean their plate! Give them a few healthy options at each meal and let them choose what/how much to eat. Never comment on how much or what they eat. Praise them instead for how well they sit at the table, use the spoon, etc.
Okay, posted and then realized how funny this is with my sig pic a picture of DD consuming a bowl of chocolate ice cream....
That is so interesting. Before dinner - who would have thought! And heehee to your sig ; )
I have a serious sweet tooth that I'm always struggling to control. Right now, I almost always have something like a scoop of ice cream, a piece of chocolate, after C is in bed. We purposely wait until he's in bed because I just don't think he needs sugar (I don't either. It's very hypocritical.). I definitely want him to have a better relationship with food than I do, so I should probably change our current pattern.
awesome! thanks for the info :-) (and where have you been lately?!)
about the part in bold...maybe it's just his age now, but I've learned from experience that if I give him something sweet before he eats his regular food, then all he does is ask for "more! more!". we're talking begging, crying, pitiful sadness that he can't have more and refuses to eat anything else. I made banana bread last week and gave him some with his regular lunch (sandwich meat and some green beans) and it was a disaster. he gobbled up the banana bread in about 2 seconds, then threw the other food on the floor when I wouldn't give him more banana bread.
maybe this will get better once his language skills improve and he understands us better?
We had dessert on occasion and really I think just have a sweet tooth. My sister does not crave the sweets like I do and we grew up in the same house. Maggie seems to take after me and she loves the sweets. We have a hard time getting her to eat much in general so I don't give her dessert if she doesn't touch her dinner. I don't make her finish but I do make her eat at least one small thing off her plate if I know she likes it.
I am much better about not making her eat whereas DH bribes and begs her to eat. I try and tell him the pedi said to just offer it and if she doesn't want it put it to the side and if she doesn't eat dinner, it won't be the end of the world. Problem is she is so skinny that others feel like they can just give her anything - she wants 3 cupcakes, Aunt or Grandma hands them over, 'because she is so skinny, she needs some meat on her bones'. Well, I was that skinny as a kid too and I could eat whatever I wanted but then puberty hit and eating whatever I wanted didn't work out so well for me.
ETA: thanks for the advice emack!! Any journal articles or reviews you can rec? I work at NIH so I can probably download just about anything for free.
I grew up in a dessert family and I definitely have a sweet tooth because of that I would say. My mom would make something for dessert every weekend.
I was not an overweight child nor am I overweight today.
Today, I do like something sweet after dinner. But DH and I try not to bring too many sweets into the house. When we do, they go quickly. Example: I bought some Halloween candy Sunday in case we have trick-or-treaters (we had none last year). We've already had 4 or 5 pieces of this candy in the last few days.
I'm not sure what I will do with DS but I will try to limit his sweets and encourage portion control and moderation. My parents did an ok job, but we were active kids so I think they kept us from being overweight.
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Another one struggling with a sweet tooth. We also had an emphasis on healthy foods in the household, which made me go wild for it elsewhere. I'm glad for emack's advice!
We have dessert after DS is in bed - DH has ice cream and I try to stick to popsicles or a couple of Dove chocolates. We've been calling the fruit cup we give DS at the end of the meal "dessert" - does that count?
Oh, emack, thank you SO SO Much for posting this. My parents were controlling with food my entire childhood and because of it, it's taken me years to develop a "healthy" relationship with food. I'm still working on it!!
We were only allowed Fig Newtons as cookies, and an occasional ice cream as dessert, with my mother making us feel guilty about it the whole time.
My DH, on the other hand, grew up with M&Ms sitting on the counter, chips, cookies, soda, whatever whenever he wanted it, and he's never had a weight problem. He can take sweets or leave them, and he knows portion control. I, on the other hand, still get tempted by the Little Debbie boxes at the grocery store even though I know it's crap. If you're going to eat sweets, might as well splurge on good ones!
We don't use sweets as a reward with DS, and he doesn't ask for them specifically yet, but I imagine he will at some point. Our goal is going to be to model healthy habits, encourage him to be active, provide healthy meals, and if we're indulging in a dessert, he can too. I don't ever want him to go through what I did!
Here's my long response because I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with dessert:
I had dessert almost every night as a kid - so technically my parents condoned / enabled it. I think it conditioned me for a "treat every day" mentality that has been tough to break. Also, because my mom loved dessert as well (but had the willpower to resist), she let us go hog-wild at things like potlucks, buffets, etc. because it was a "special occasion." She'd fill our Easter baskets to bursting and was always baking stuff. I think it set my brother and me up for a predilection for binging on sweets when giving the opportunity (which runs contrary to what others are posting about being denied it and then gorging) - I *cannot* have a box of chocolates or cookies in my house, or I'll eat the entire thing in 24 hours. He had a weight problem growing up; I didn't.
Now my mom sounds awful... I have to add the disclaimer that my parents were all about sports, no sugary cereal in the house, eating fruit every day, etc...so the regular consumption of dessert was very out of character. And because of some family issues and my parents' eventual divorce, I wouldn't be surprised if my mom was lenient on the sweets because it was one thing she knew would make us happy, no matter what else had happened that day and even if it only lasted ten minutes. Probably there was an element of feeling repsonsible for a few years of turmoil (not true, but I can see a mother's perception getting warped by "mom guilt"), so it was her way of making it up to us somehow. Of course, we were clueless kids who were just like, "Ice cream! Yay! More? Yay!"
With my kids, I won't forbid sugar or desserts - but I want to reserve them for special occasions and treats. Unfortunately, DH rarely sees our kids because of work, so he's always indulging DD in chocolate milk from Starbucks and things like that because he likes seeing her so happy. Now she expects it from him. I surprised her with a few post-dinner ice cream runs over the summer, and now she "hints" at it all the time: "We could go there today, Mama, if you want..." Clearly trying to be "Spontaneous, Fun Mom" backfired. So I can't imagine what it would be like if we gave them some sort of treat almost every night (or set an example by DH and I having one in front of them) and conditioned them that it was part of their daily food intake. I understand teaching them portion control, but I don't think that has to be done using a nightly dessert. Also, it's SO easy to fall into the trap of using foods as rewards (or taking them away as punishments) when your kids are little. I have to remind myself to not start down that slippery slope.
Much more info than you were likely looking for, but I'm sharing the perspective of both childhood and parenthood. I'll make the occasional special dessert for my kids and look for a balance otherwise, like providing semi-healthy, fruit-based treats or establishing a "you get dessert on Friday and Saturday nights" rule. Nightly ice cream bowls or cookies every day after school? Nope.
I have some sort of dessert almost every night (usually some slow-churned/low fat ice cream or a piece of chocolate) and DH sometimes does as well. We have a food scale, and I try to be good about portion control. We also eat healthy most of the time.
I don't remember having it every night when I was growing up, but probably a majority of the time (my sweet tooth is genetic!).The rest of what we ate was always healthy, though - no sugar cereals, chips, etc. in the house, but we never really felt deprived.
I'm trying to hold off on introducing that concept to J, though. He almost never has sweets - his birthday cake and a few bites of ice cream, ever. He's still in the stage where he just eats whatever we put in front of him, without a concept of meals and meal times. Besides that, he still goes to bed before we have dinner so he doesn't see us eating dessert.
I'm hoping to wait until he's older and actually notices what we're doing before he has dessert, and even then something small and healthy. We'll see how that goes . . .
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I grew up with a one sweet a day limit. I don't remember having dessert, and if I was hungry before or after dinner, I remember my mom saying "have a piece of fruit or cheese."
Now that I'm an adult, I eat some sort of sweet almost every night after dinner. Sometimes it's just a handful of chocolate chips, but it's usually something. (Although I often have a glass of wine, and if I do, will sometimes skip the sweets).
We don't give DD dessert at all. If we have a really early dinner and I think she might get hungry before bedtime (which is rare), then I'll give her a little snack of some sort, but not dessert. She doesn't even really know what ice cream or cake are at this point, and her "cookies" consist of healthier options from TJ's or Whole Foods. I'd like to keep it that way as long as possible! :-)
I'm glad people found my comments helpful. I've been busy at work and rarely on the board, which makes me sad.
Bh - it sounds like your guy may not be the type of kid who can eat dessert first. I wouldn't stress too much about it and certainly wouldn't want to get in a situation where you had to negotiate a crying, unhappy child who wanted more!
Tracy - cool that you're at NIH! There was a good recent review article published by Tanofsky-Kraff ( Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} Tanofsky-Kraff, M., Haynos, A. F., Kotler, L. A., Yanovski, S. Z., Yanovski, J. A. (2007). Laboratory-based studies of eating among children and adolescents. Current Nutrition and Food Sciences, 3, 55-74. PMID19030122) that has really good information
There is a doctor at Children's, Irene Chatoor, who does good work with young children and feeding. She has a list of recommendations for teaching children how to regulate eating to hunger and fullness. This will be long, but here are her recommendations for anyone who is interested:
1. Feed your child at regular times and space meals and snacks 3-4 hours apart.
2. Meals should last no longer than 30 minutes even if your child has eaten very little.
3. Do not allow your child to have any snacks, juice, or milk between scheduled meal and snack times.
4. Do not use food as a present, as a reward, or for comfort.
5. Offer no more than 4 different foods during a meal.
6. Ask your child whether she wants to eat the dessert or other foods first.
7. Serve small portions and allow your child to ask for second and third helpings until he is full.
8. Do not allow any distractions (toys, books, tv) during meals/snacks.
9. Praise your child for self-feeding skills but keep a neutral attitude about your child's food intake.
10. Do not praise or criticize your child for how much or little he eats.
11. Do not distract, coax, bribe, or threaten your child to eat more.