Random thoughts re: BC
We know this is our last baby (always talked about having three, and here we are...) and DH wants a vasectomy - his idea.
But now I'm thinking - he's only 34 - does he really want to be sterilized forever? (OK, I know you can get a reversal, but insurance doesn't cover that and it's thousands of dollars and there is no guarantee that it'll work).
Here's the random thought - what if I die suddenly and he remarries some day and his new wife wants to have a baby?
Is that totally weird?
I always think about life/death stuff like this when I'm pg. It's very strange. I summon up all sorts of "what if" situations. I think about all sorts of tragic things, I don't know why.
I'm totally willing to go on BC pills after this baby, at least for a while until we decide for sure. I am holding off doing anything permanent - tubes tied or whatever - for a few years. DH is sure about getting a vasectomy, I'm the one who is questioning it.
Our goals for BC are 1) no more kids, and 2) no more condoms (which is what we used between kids - and we're both looking forward to ditching).
Re: Random thoughts re: BC
if you die and he remarries and his new wife wants babies, then she can pay for him to reverse his vasectomy or they can do IVF which is what this woman and her much-older-had-vasectormy husband did when they got married (I actually know 2 such couples).
you are overthinking this, just let him get it done, you are lucky he wants to!
ETA: in both of the above cases, the wife did not die, they got divorced
What about getting an IUD for a few years? You could get ParaGuard, which doesn't have hormones and lasts for 10 years. That way, he doesn't do anything permanent until he's definitely old enough to not want to start over.
I think that's the route we're going to go after I have DD. I REALLY, REALLY feel like I'm done, but b/c I'm only 30, DH doesn't want me to get Essure (my ultimate plan) or to get a vasectomy just yet.
I plan on getting an IUI after #2. I don't think we will have another child, but I don't know. I don't like the permanent solution. When we do decide to do something permanent, though, DH will be getting a vasectomy because I flat out refuse to get myself fixed!
I was just thinking about this today, too! I think because I read a Carolyn Hax question from someone who wanted to have kids but couldn't because her husband had had a vasectomy and it wasn't reversed successfully.
Would it be weird to have him get one but also put some healthy sperm on, like, layaway? Just in case, for later, if something happens?
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If he only wants 3 kids, I don't see how having a new wife would change that. I would imagine he would remarry someone that liked his kids but had no desire to have any more.
I think you're overthinking it, too
But it's beyond considerate of you!!! I think that the pp's recommendation of looking into and IUD is a good idea. I have a friend who got Mirena last year and she's really happy with it.
(also, consider yourself lucky, if I even start to say the word vasectomy to my husband he breaks out into a cold sweat!)
I'm sure I'm overthinking it.
And I don't know - we only ever talked about three kids - but what if the tables were turned and I was widowed, got remarried, would I want a child with someone else? I don't know - maybe? I don't know.
I do like the idea of waiting a while before deciding though. The whole thing just seems so Permanent with a capital P.
I have another point of view based on my life. My mother had two children in her 20s and had her tubes tied. My brother passed away when I was 13 and he was 11. My parents decided afterwards to have another child. She had to have a tubal reversal (at 40) to have my brother when I was 16. You never know what life will bring you in the future, so I am hesitant to do anything permanent.
IVF is an option, but from experience, not something to be take lightly. It is an intense process that takes a toll emotionally, physically, and financially on a couple. It also does not always work even in the easiest circumstances or if you have had a prior pregnancy.
I think an IUD could be a good option. I had one for the past two and a half years (Mirena) and it was great. I know that some people have had issues with them, but for me I had no side effects except not getting my period (which was a huge plus in my book). Paraguard would be an option if you don't want hormonal birth control.
You don't have to do anything or think about it, so it is almost like permanent birth control except it is not permanent
Thank you so much for sharing this - I have thought of that too. What if I lost a child or God forbid more than one child... would I want to have another in the future? This is why I don't personally want to do anything permanent to my body until I'm in my 40's (I'm 36).
Yes, totally.