30 Days of Truth: Day 4

rssnlvr · October 2010

So, yesterday's was hard, eh? Today's might be easier . . . or it might not. Feel free to be as general or euphemistic as you need in order to feel comfortable sharing.

Today's topic: something you have to forgive someone for.

The original blog idea

Mrs.Froggianna · October 2010

Cheese and rice, man. This 30 Days of Truth isn't for the faint of heart, is it?

I need to work on forgiving my mom for LOTS of things. I'm almost there, but not quite. I think it would be easier if she could admit her mistakes, but she refuses. It took a few rounds of therapy to get to where I am, and I feel good about it.

mlf625 · October 2010

I need to forgive Oprah for making me CRY LIKE A BABY yesterday. Biatch.

But on a more serious note, I need to forgive my MIL. She's said and done some very unfortunate things over the past 5 months, but she's A & V's grandma and J's mom and for those reasons alone, I need to let go of my anger and frustration and love her anyway.

rssnlvr · October 2010

I need to forgive my DH for some things that he did in the past, mostly through college. Marrying your HS sweetheart is never easy, especially because we were together all through college, which is a time of personality exploration and formation for most. His exploration was hard on us both. I'm glad we stuck together through it, but I've had a hard time getting over that it happened at all. Luckily, I think I'm just about there. I like what Froggy said about forgiveness yesterday...I need to accept the fact that it couldn't have happened any other way.

kiarox2002 · October 2010

I need to forgive my step-mom for being a huge b!tch and my dad for letting her treat me the way she has in the past. I almost cut them out of my life a few years ago, but my mom talked me out of it. She said that I would regret it later in life.

They are both making a huge effort to be in Kate's life and I'm trying to reciprocate. It's hard though.

Nessia · October 2010

mlf625:
I need to forgive Oprah for making me CRY LIKE A BABY yesterday. Biatch.

For Real!! Talk about depressing. I would just die.

Anyways I needed to forgive my Dad for being an alcoholic that caused my parent's divorce. He was great when he didn't drink but he couldn't ever give up the alcohol. It hurt me for a long time that he wasn't able to chose us over going to the bar. I was able to forgive him while I was in college. Now I pity him more than anything. My mom's life is much better today and my Dad's in not great. I Wish my sister could forgive him and move past it too.

Emer · October 2010

I need to forgive MIL for telling DH she wishes he was never born. But honestly, I don't think I can. It was a long, long time ago. Well before I knew him. But how can a mother say that? I think about it every time I see her and I can't help but hold it against her. It inhibits our relationship, or at least my desire to have one, so it would probably be best if I could get over it.

L L CG · October 2010

I need to forgive my mother for a long list of things. I've had oodles of therapy in the past to help me do this, and for many things I have, but there are some issues that I keep holding onto. Its not good for me or for our relationship.

KSandAE2008 · October 2010

I need to forgive my SILs for the way they have treated me (and DH). Since his parents are both deceased, they are the only close family that DH has left. DH knows that they don't treat us fairly or all that great, but it is really important for him to have a good relationship with them. They have hurt me a lot in the past, but it is best for my marriage if I forgive and forget so that we can all get along.

ali-1411 · October 2010

This is hard. What's forgiveness?

I guess I should forgive my ex for being a worthless human being. He caused me a lot of hurt. But I'm not angry about it anymore, I've moved on and healed. Does that mean I've forgiven him? I don't really know. I don't ever want to talk to him again. If forgiveness means letting him back into our lives, then I'd rather go on hating him.

I need to forgive my mom for how she was when Jakob was a baby. Rationally and logically, I know that she did all the right things. My parents supported me and my child for 3 years while I went to college. They babysat for me all the time so I could have a somewhat normal social life. There's so much I am thankful for. But at the same time, I felt like I was constantly competing with my parents. I felt like they were trying to take him from me, trying to be his parents while I was just the nanny or something. I don't know. It was a strange dynamic. I would LOVE to go to therapy for that issue!

brideonjuly8 · October 2010

Easy peasy- I have to forgive my mom for going batshitcrazy on me after I got married. And for the way she treated my dad growing up. I've gotten over it, but I will definitely never forget it. It's in the past and nothing is going to change it now, but I will probably be quick to cut her out if it happend again.

nanann · October 2010

Okay, I'll play again today.

I need to forgive my DH for moving us here to Austin instead of letting me take the job in Houston some 4.5 years ago. Just UGH. He was miserable in his job there, which precipitated our move here. But just as he made this huge rush decision to move here, I got a great job offer in Houston. Our money woes would be practically nil if I had taken it, and my career would be thriving instead of dying. It is just so hard to get rejected from jobs here when I had such a good opportunity there. And it's just on my mind a lot recently with our money issues.

BUT, I have loved my years as a SAHM, being here all day every day for my girls, and I can't imagine not being here to see all of that and do all that I've done with them. I'll never regret these days in that sense, so I really need to forgive him.

Abrooks · October 2010

The biggest act of forgiveness I have done was with my mother, the abuser from my childhood. I knew I needed to forgive but couldn't get there so went to counseling a few years back and it was just what I needed. Forgiveness is for us - not the other person. And forgiveness is not absolution or saying what the other person did was ok or giving them free reign to your life. I think people often think this way. You can forgive but still have boundaries.

Not really the question...I just wanted to throw that out there. Currently I need to work on forgiving some other family members for taking advantage of a situation in a way that was hurtful to me. I'm not really upset about it, just hurt and need to let that go.

2H2L · October 2010

Ditto froggi and rssnlvr almost verbatim. My Gma recently shared info about my bsc mom that has made that situation much better for me. It felt a lot like the scene in the yaya sisterhood when she finds out about her mom and comments on the money spent on therapy thinking it was her fault when it wasn't!

Same with J. I still feel bitter every once in a while about dumb stuff from those hs and college years when we were both growing up. It's getting much better though bc we made it through and have an even stronger relationship now.

intheatx · October 2010

I need to forgive DH for some occasionally poor decision making. DH is a wonderful guy, but like anyone, he has flaws, and sometimes those get the better of him. When they do, I don't always forgive him and try to provide the support he needs, and that's not fair to him. I know he's doing the best he can, and I need to let the little things go.

ndluvsrk · October 2010

I need to learn how to forgive my sister for being such an awful awful family member. She always takes and takes and takes and then seems to feel that giving material gifts is the only way to make up for that. I actually pity her because she does not know how to form any real bonds or connections as is evidenced by her lack of friendships, but it is hurtful to have constantly opened my arms and family up to her just to have the door slammed shut in my/our face over and over again.

MrsBeckO · October 2010

I need to forgive my dad for being absent through the majority of my childhood and let him play the role in Camy's life that he wants to play. I have a hard time letting go of my resentment and understanding why he wants to be here now and didn't want to be there then. It's hard for me to find his desire to be present now genuine, and I don't really trust his intentions. In my mind, I usually think that he doesn't deserve to be here now because he wasn't there then, and I know that's not fair. I know people change. I know he realizes how much he screwed up and what all he missed, and I know he's lonely now and desperate to be a part of our lives. But I just can't seem to get past it and usually scoff when I see a phone call from him wanting to come see us/DD.

cia · October 2010

I need to forgive my dad for a lot of things: his hoarding disorder, his behavior towards my sister after my mom died, getting remarried without telling us, his there-is-nothing-wrong-with-me-but-plenty-wrong-with-you attitude. It's hard. I'm not ready yet.

AustinBride06 · October 2010

I need to forgive my FIL for stuff.

cookie1and2 · October 2010

MrsRosie:
I need to forgive DH for some poor decisions he has made in the past that have hurt us financially. Sometimes I think I'm there, then something happens where we need a chunk of money (ex: this morning's fender-bender), and I think to myself that we would be in a lot better position to handle this emergency if we were not so weighed down by the poor decisions I was not a part of making.

I could have written this word for word (except for the fender bender, knock on wood). I think if I would have been a part of the decision making, I wouldn't be so bitter.

I also need to forgive some ex-friends for treating me like a total outcast when I was going through a period of depression a few years back. When I needed the help the most, they withdrew and were, to say it lightly, vicious. Course, I thank the best friends in my life at that time who actually picked me up and stood by me. I think it takes hard times to see who's important in your life. I *thought* I forgave them years back, but when I see one of them at the grocery store, etc, the anger returns, so I evidently have a lot of work to do on the forgiving side of my life!

Chicklit · October 2010

I need to forgive my two older siblings for basically not being involved in our family at all. One made the conscious choice to cut us out of her (and her kids') life when I was barely a teenager. She wasn't around for several years and not only did I have to live with her absence, it also really crushed my parents and I had to live with them through all of that. She "came back" a few years ago and asked my dad for forgiveness, but she didn't ask me until just recently and it's hard when she talks up all her aspirations toward making things right and then doesn't follow through on any of them.

ACR · October 2010

MrsRosie:
I need to forgive DH for some poor decisions he has made in the past that have hurt us financially. Sometimes I think I'm there, then something happens where we need a chunk of money (ex: this morning's fender-bender), and I think to myself that we would be in a lot better position to handle this emergency if we were not so weighed down by the poor decisions I was not a part of making.

Same here (though once again, minus the fender bender).

Emer · October 2010

MrsBeckO:
I need to forgive my dad for being absent through the majority of my childhood and let him play the role in Camy's life that he wants to play. I have a hard time letting go of my resentment and understanding why he wants to be here now and didn't want to be there then. It's hard for me to find his desire to be present now genuine, and I don't really trust his intentions. In my mind, I usually think that he doesn't deserve to be here now because he wasn't there then, and I know that's not fair. I know people change. I know he realizes how much he screwed up and what all he missed, and I know he's lonely now and desperate to be a part of our lives. But I just can't seem to get past it and usually scoff when I see a phone call from him wanting to come see us/DD.

This is how DH and I feel about MIL. She was never interested in being a parent to him, why the interest now? I suppose we should be appreciative of the toys she buys or whatever, but it's just hard to watch her spoil our kids when she didn't seem all that interested in her own.

BLONDIE6FT · October 2010

i need to forgive my parents for not being baby people.

AustinMimi · October 2010

I grapple with the concept of forgiveness, so today's and yesterday's questions have been tough for me. For example, a lot of the things that it would be nice to forgive are the result of habitual behavior that has not changed (ex. alcoholic family member who continues to self-destruct). It's hard to forgive people for things they still do... or worse, if they don't see their actions as hurtful in any way.

Anyway, what compels me most is that I need to forgive my sister for putting her kids as the second priority during her divorce. And on that note, the way I would have answered yesterday's post was that I need forgiveness for being hard on my sister during her divorce.

FeistyFille · October 2010

I need to forgive my MIL for how she's treated me in the past and at times how she still treats me. I need to forgive her for the stupid, little games she plays with me and especially with DH, who is more likely to be sucked in to them. She's never going to change, and who knows how much longer she'll have with us so I need to be the bigger person here. I just wish that weren't so hard. Stick out tongue

ETA: I just read through all the other posts, and I'd like to 100% ditto NDK's and MrsBecko's posts. I have sister and dad issues too. I've almost forgiven my dad, not even close with my sister.

kissmytiara · October 2010

cookie1and2:
MrsRosie:
I need to forgive DH for some poor decisions he has made in the past that have hurt us financially. Sometimes I think I'm there, then something happens where we need a chunk of money (ex: this morning's fender-bender), and I think to myself that we would be in a lot better position to handle this emergency if we were not so weighed down by the poor decisions I was not a part of making.
I could have written this word for word (except for the fender bender, knock on wood). I think if I would have been a part of the decision making, I wouldn't be so bitter.
I also need to forgive some ex-friends for treating me like a total outcast when I was going through a period of depression a few years back. When I needed the help the most, they withdrew and were, to say it lightly, vicious. Course, I thank the best friends in my life at that time who actually picked me up and stood by me. I think it takes hard times to see who's important in your life. I *thought* I forgave them years back, but when I see one of them at the grocery store, etc, the anger returns, so I evidently have a lot of work to do on the forgiving side of my life!

I could have written all of these word for word. My DH and I are working through some pretty major trust issues, and it is a constant effort on MY part to let myself trust him on some things. It's really hard

I also need to forgive some "friends" that kicked me when I was down about a year ago. I really think it's starting to work, but I had no clue it would take me this long to get over what happened.

A&Jmom · October 2010

I need to forgive my parents for having a crappy marriage and allowing me to know about it and partly be involved in it. I need to forgive them for fighting in front of me when I was a kid and just all over not being a good role model on how you should treat your spouse.

More specifically I need to forgive my dad for being a crappy husband and cheating on my mom repeatedly. I need to forgive my mom for being what I consider weak and taking him back every time. I also need to forgive her for involving me in her troubles with my dad(telling me all about the stuff he did) when I was just a kid.

i need to fogive them and get over all of this (almost there!) and appreciate how much they love me and apart from being horrible role models for marriage they are loving and caring parents.

joyco · October 2010

I need to forgive my effing a**hole of an uncle for being a crotchety old man who doesn't care about anyone's feelings. He and I are no longer speaking and I've basically told him that he is no family member of mine. I do need to forgive him and move on though, b/c what he did lingers in the back of my mind all. the. time and makes me very sad and grumpy. argh, family!

molliedb · October 2010

i need to forgive myself for staying with the wrong guy for 6 years and for the hell i put my parents through during that relationship. i need to forgive myself for allowing myself to be treated that way. still working on it a bit.

oooops- just saw that yesterday was about forgiving yourself! so consider that my day 3 answer.

day 4:

i need to forgive a friend from high school for trying to drive a wedge between my sister and i by telling lies to us both about the other. i knew she was a dishonest person and allowed her to be in my life anyway and all it did was cause serious problems and trust issues between my sister and i for a while. i'll never fully understand why she did it but i need to forgive her for it rather than having a dark cloud go through my head every time i hear or see her name.

MrsAJL · October 2010

I'm finally at the point of forgiveness, but it took me a long time to forgive my first long term boyfriend (we dated for almost 5 years) for being an alcoholic. I would say that that forgiveness has come in the last couple of years.

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