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Moving Question
We're moving for more space (yay!) and have a house with a bonus room. I want to put SS in the bonus room since he's over there 2 weekends a month and have BR #2 for DD and BR #3 for next baby. This makes complete sense, right??
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Re: Moving Question
Are you currently pregnant w/ the next baby?
How big is the "bonus room" and how old is SS?
Does the bonus room have a closet and a window?
If you aren't currently pregnant w/ your next baby are you going to use the BR# 3 as a guest room?
I'm not sure how I feel about it but it could just be the terminology and not the actual spaces that makes me feel uncomfortable. I have horrible visions you are putting SS in the broom cupboard under the stairs all Harry Potter like. I'm sure that's unrealistic.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
So, you are going to make a NON bedroom into a bedroom but leave the actual bedroom open until some not-yet conceived baby shows up?
I think that the perception that your SS is not worthy of a bedroom (something three anonymous women all picked up on) is pretty clear. Is that something you want him to feel when he comes into his home (remember, it is his home with his father 2 weekends a month).
Now, if this room is ginormous, with its own bathroom, and you can sell this point, then I can maybe see it.
I am not pg but we are trying. He is 9. The bonus room is right above our room to the right a bit...long in style, window, no closet.
We kinda have no other place to put potential baby #2...I can't allow him/her to share with DD since she is such a terrible sleeper. I love my SS, but IMO, 4 days a month doesn't warrant a BR that we need 24/7 UNLESS he feels that uncomfortable and then i don't know WTH we'll do.
Just wondered what the experience had been with other ladies. Thanks
"not worthy" is cruel and totally not the case. yes, the room is ginormous with a bathroom right at the foot of the stairs. I feel like maybe he'll be excited once he gets used to it.
Agreed.
I think it would be unfair to be like "Oh you get this OTHER room because I'm saving THIS room for our NEXT baby".
If you're not currently USING the 3rd bedroom I'd say put him in it. If/when the next baby is on it's way you can discuss with SS whether he'd like to move to the "bonus room" or not.
But you don't need this room 24/7.... you are not pregnant yet! Put SS in a bedroom and when the time comes, make it an exciting move into the "bonus room" and how he is maturing, etc. But right now... there isn't really a need for a 3rd bedroom for a non-existent baby.
You said it yourself that you feel 4 days per month "doesn't warrant" a bedroom. That MEANS he's "not worthy". Same thing.
Also, for all of US to have picked up that feeling from you, without knowing anything about the situation, it's a pretty big red flag that your SS will pick it up as well.
"Maybe he'll be excited once he gets used to it"......this sounds to me like you KNOW he's not going to be excited about it and you are aware that it's sort of not fair.
What if you and your DH use the Bonus Room as your master bedroom, and put him in the MBR?
Great idea! Thanks!!!
As someone who has moved quite a bit in the last 3yrs I totally understand the exhausting thought of moving your SS into a room when you plan on moving him into a different room once your next child is born.
However, since you are not pregnant, you still have quite a while before you need to relocate your SS from a bedroom to the bonus room. In my opinion, placing your SS in a non-bedroom with the hopes of getting pregnant & placing YOUR child in the bedroom is clearly telling your 9yr old SS that he is not as important to you as YOUR daughter is or YOUR next baby will be.
I completely understand that you want to show your SS how mature he is by giving him a different room but unless you can completely turn the bonus room into a bedroom you are telling him how you view him by giving him a non-bedroom. Instead, move your SS into the bedroom. Once you get pregnant and you believe it's time to move him, give him the option & ask his opinion. You have to remember that your home is also his home even if he only stays there one night a month. The way you make him feel about his place in your home & family he will carry with him for years & years to come. It will also affect his relationship with his father. Think about it...how many people have crumby relationships with a parent because they do not like their step-parent.
If you are still set on using the bonus room as a bedroom, then consider making it the next baby's bedroom.
Give him the other BR until you are actually into your second pregnancy. The room is not being used right now. Better yet give him the choice of what room he wants right now.
My someday ILs va a HUGE bonus room. For people who are confused they are generally extra space (I believe usually over the garage) never understood why they're considered bonus and not into the regular sq ft but oh well. As a kid I would of loved a room that big. At 9 he may choose that. If he chooses it and needs closet space IKEA makes some very cool bureaus (I think that's the term I'm looking for).
Ha ha ha ha. You're right!! Better yet, maybe he'd be out in the dog house.
Loser.
I think he's going to think the bonus room is awesome, but just wanted to be prepared with some ideas incase he is less than excited. Thank you for your input. I want to put him in the BR downstairs and then when I get pregnant, we'll start playing up how awesome the bonus room is. We'll have it as his "game room" between now and then. Thanks!!
I am actually going to change my answer. I did not see if you stated if the bonus room is bigger than the 2 kid bedrooms. If it is then I would tell him that he is the oldest and getting the biggest room. Do not call it a bonus room, call it a bedroom and if he questions the closet then tell him you do not know why there is not a closet (or better yet build him one if you can) and get him furniture from Ikea to use as a closet and tell him that is what he has. I think that putting him in a bedroom and moving him when you are PG is a horrible idea because that will have a bigger chance of sending the message that the baby is more important. You need to either give him a choice and deal with it if he wants the bedroom or give him the bonus room now but do not make him move if you have another kid. IMHO it would be hard for an older child in a non-blended family to deal with being pushed out when a baby comes but even harder for a child in a blended family who is always trying to find their place in a family that they only see part-time.
I agree with these 2 ladies. If the issue with the bonus room is that it wouldn't be feasible to make it a nursery but is appropriate for an older child, I think it's better to put the older child in the bonus room now and keep him there. Yes, I realize the OP is not pregnant currently, but it's not like she's daydreaming about this, they are making efforts so it's a definitely possibility that in the near future, there will be a baby to think about. I think it will be a lot more hurtful for the older child to get set up in a new room and outed when the new baby comes, then to start out in the bonus room. Just...don't call it that. Don't bring any attention to the fact that it's not the same as the other bedrooms and personalize it as much as possible so that he feels comfy there.
I'm going against the grain. Really I don't see any issue, and I wouldn't want to move him in a year to a different room, and I don't think a 9 year old would feel like he isn't important because he isn't getting a real bedroom. It has a door? Or is it a loft type space?
Get him excited either way, by letting him help decorate it, pick out wall colors...etc. It doesn't seem like any issue to stress over.
If the only difference is in the name then simply stop calling it a bonus room and call it a friggin bedroom - problem solved.