Getting MIL to offer support — The Bump
Special Needs

Getting MIL to offer support

Hi Ladies, 

I posted on here several months ago about my BIL & SIL...SIL's uterus ruptured and was baby was without oxygen for 10 minutes.  She was born 10 weeks early.  We have no idea what exact effects are going to be present from all of this since she is still growing and can't confirm everything until she is older.  She is doing so so.  She is up more now.....she used to sleep most of the day and night.  She is 6 months now (4 months adjusted), but the neurologist feels she is more at the level of a new born right now. She doesn't see very well and won't grab at anything.  But it is good to see her up more now and is finally starting to hold her head without much assistance.  That was amazing to see.

My problem is getting the rest of the family to offer them support.  I know everyone will have their own way of dealing with it, but my MIL is awful in my opinion.  Myself and my father have a chronic illness that involves disability and deterioration.  I do feel that I at least understand a lot of their feelings of the unknown, fearing the worst, anger, hurt, grief....all of that.  But MIL just keeps saying that they need to accept what God has given them and love the little girl.  That's it.  And she talks about it all the time.  Everytime I try to educate her more about things I have experienced through support groups and life in general, she just interrupts and goes back to her ignorant thinking.  There is a lot of hostility between MIL and B/SIL because of their actions outside of their daughter. I think MIL is having a hard time separating those feelings.

I was wondering if you guys knew of a good book or anything that would help the family members better understand what they are going through and to become a better support system for them.  I did some looking around but can't find much.  I am even looking at other stuff like MS and stuff since it is so relative.  Just pisses me off the more I hear her talk about it all.  Like she just said in regards of BIL commenting on how behind his daughter is in development, MIL said well, all babies are different and do things at different times.  (Comparing her normal children to their disabled children).

Re: Getting MIL to offer support

  • I wish I had some resources to offer you, but I don't. Unless your MIL is open to reading a book/going to a support group, it likely won't make a difference right now. It sounds like she's still coming trying to adjust and my guess is she probably won't change her ways until there is a more definitive diagnosis. In the mean time, just try to be there for your BIL/SIL because if you're frustrated with your MIL, chances are they are too.
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  • I agree with you there.  I am trying to be there for them as much as possible while trying to also be a positive influence to MIL. 

    We'll see!
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