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3rd Trimester
Ajlee904
member
27 weeks and no excitement.....
Ajlee904
member
Ok so I'm new to posting on here, but here goes.... my boyfriend and also daddy to be has been great through our whole pregnancy. One major problem though, it seems that we've lost the "flame". The physical contact has been well non existant since well about month 1 of all this. Our pregnancy wasn't planned, and although we are totally thrilled now, its just not there. And then the this happened.....
I open up his laptop to do some facebooking, and sure enough there is porn up clear as day. He thought the computer had died so it would have to be turned back on and what not, but I just plugged it in. When I asked him about it he admitted it, but it was like it was no big deal. I however think this is HUGE deal. I mean here I am 27 weeks pregnant, definately not feeling good about the way I look and he is home watching porn. I know this all probably way to much information for all of you, but I just needed to vent. Im pretty disappointed and more so just kiinda sad about it. hmmmmm what to do?
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Re: 27 weeks and no excitement.....
The only thing you can do at this point is talk to him about it. Explain how your feeling and how you feel about the situation. Some of the largest fights me and my man have had was over porn... so I totally know how you feel. Although I wasn't even pregnant at the time so if I saw it while I was pregnant, holy .... crap. I don't even know what I would do
Seriously, you really need to express your concerns and come to an "agreement" of some sort. Other than that.. theres not much you can do. At least he didn't deny it.. or lie about it!
Don't make a big deal of it.
Is the flame gone because you don't want to have sex or because he doesn't? Is it mutual? I don't like my pregnant body but H loves it. We barely have sex because of my self conciousness. So we watch porn! Sometimes together, sometimes not.
Watching porn doesn't mean he's cheating or anything. Maybe hep him out.. give him a "hand" ( if you catch my drift )
Good luck!
I personally don't have a problem with MH watching porn, especially since these days, we're not having much sex because I'm just not in the mood like I used to be. If the porn bothers you that much, just tell him calmly and don't do it like you are accusing him of cheating.
Like a pp said, is the flame gone because you're not happy with your looks or is your BF nervous or is it just your hormones? That is something else you will want to talk about with him. GL!
Have you and him talked about your feelings on porn in the past? Or, your feelings on him masterbating for that matter. The fact is, some men just don't find pregnancy attractive. I guess I don't hold that against him. Sure, as your partner he should make you feel special in other ways, but he may need a little help sexually. If you want to make an improvement in your sex life, communication is key. Communicate what you need from him, and allow him to communicate what he needs from you.
Like the pps, I would suggest that you talk to him about it. Let him know why it bothers you. Do you not approve of porn at all? Only together?
DH and I agreed before we got married that porn would not be a part of our marriage. So if I discovered that he had been watching it, my reaction would be different then yours. But seriously, talk to him about it.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to be over, it's about learning how to dance in the rain." -Unknown
Married 3-1-08 | Nathan 11-24-08 | Kaelyn 11-30-10 | Alicia 8-17-13
This, with my ex. Although admittedly, it seemed like every time I jumped on the computer for anything, there it was in the browsing history, and I was very young. I think I've mellowed out with DH, but he either hides it well, or I've learned my lesson to even look, so it's not something that really comes up with us.
I would suggest, like everyone else, to have a talk with him. It's probably not going to be an easy talk, either, unfortunately, because you're both going to want to justify how you feel (Him: It's not that big of a deal! You: You jackass! Don't you realize this does NOTHING for my self esteem right now?!) But it's probably the only way you're going to get any resolution. Try and not belittle him for it. It'll only make him want to hide it from you, and that's not the answer, either.
As for the *spark* not being there, Oy. I get that, too. I was horny as hell when I first got pregnant, and now my idea of a sexy evening is eating a donut in bed instead of on the couch. *shrug* I do, however, try and do... Aah... You know. THINGS for DH a couple times a week though. He knows that I'm not all that interested in the sex lately, and I think he's bummed out, but he understands WHY, and no matter how many times he tells me I'm beautiful, he gets that *I* dont' feel super sexy right now. But I think that me making an effort to put in some time for him, whether I really feel like it or not, really does help.
I guess I'm lucky that porn doesn't bother me at all. But, during this pregnancy it does... so I told DH not to look at it when I'm pregnant, that it really bothers me, so I'm sure he still does, just is careful to hide it better.
About the flame being gone... hell, I don't think I ever had a flame with DH. hehe, that just isn't important in our relationship. I do wish we had it, but you can have a awesome relationship without it. In my case, I feel like a flame wouldn't last forever anyways, I could be wrong, but after years of being with each-other, I think it tends to die down anyways.
Are you not physical because you don't want to be, or because he doesn't want to be, because of stress...or is it mutual? If you aren't into sex since month 1, which is pretty common and reasonable, then just let him look at the porn. It's better than hooking up with chicks on craigslist, KWIM?
Also, if your sex life is lacking luster, instead of getting mad at him, why not offer to watch the porn with him? It has an uncanny ability to get things going if you can find the right one.
A lower sex drive while pregnant is normal. Try to think of things you can do to spice things up -- not necessarily anything that has to lead to sex.
And its just porn.... they're images on a screen. Its not like those women are trying to jump through the screen to bang your SO. It doesn't mean he loves you any less.
Thanks everyone! Got some good advice! And your right....its not like he's going out and cheating on me, its just porn. Its not so much the porn that bothers me, its the fact that we've been totally lacking in the sexy department, so I felt a little bummed that hed rather look at pron than try anything with me. But a good, long, CALM talk is in our near future for sure. I'm glad I didnt act on my feelings when it all happened, I just went to bed. Because im sure I would have made the argument much bigger than what it needs to me. So, now that i've calmed down I feel like a true grown up talk is what we need. and who knows...maybe this will all end up really helping our relationship out!
Thanks everyone!!
This is how I feel too. Thank GOD my husband can take care of himself, because I'm not in the mood these days.
OP - the only time I would ever be upset about my husband watching porn is if he was rejecting my sexual advances. Even then I'd be a lot more upset about the rejection then about the porn.