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3rd Trimester
taking your newborn out.. (rant)
I am so annoyed with my family. My due date is Dec. 20th and my sister is getting married on New Years also my grandma is having a retirement party for my grandpa on Dec 28th. They both live 2 hrs away and winter road here are nasty. They are both upset by me saying dont plan on me bringing the baby. Number one it is cold season and a newborn should be around 150 people. My grandma emails or calls me once a week now for a month saying my aunt from San Fran is bring tons of baby clothes she bought for the baby so you have to bring her to be nice. Well she can come to my house and see the baby if she wants but im not risking my baby's health to make anyone happy! Im almost to the point of not going to either event myself (which i already know I wont feel up to in anyways and they know that) and not calling them when the baby is born! Am i just overracting or is my family selfish nuts!
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Re: taking your newborn out.. (rant)
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You're not overreacting. And since you're a first-time mom, odds are good baby will be late. So you might be in labor for either event!
Just ignore the family. Tell them you appreciate that they all want to see baby but you'll see how things are going when the time comes (and know if your head that you're not taking her).
DD #1 passed away in January 2011 at 14 days old due to congenital heart disease
DD#2 lost in January 2012 at 23 weeks due to anhydramnios caused by a placental abruption
Don't give into family pressure. They'll always want you to bring LO to whatever they're doing.
When my LO was a couple months old, we took her down to Dallas (3.5 hour trip) to see my parents off, who were going back to Korea. We got back home, and MIL wanted us to then drive to Arkansas with them a day later, to see her parents. We said no, we just came back from a trip and we're all tired... But then she started crying on the phone and giving us the "this could be the last time grandpa can see her..." So we ended up going. She was SO tired, and cried the entire time on the way back (also 3.5 hours)... When we got home, she puked all over me, which she had never done till then.
Don't stretch the health of your baby to make your family happy - they won't have to deal with the baby, but you will!
I agree!! Plus if you are DUE on Dec 20th, there's a good chance you'll have the baby a week late and still be in the hospital! WTF people?
I know I had a c/s with DS and couldn't even go up stairs for like 2 weeks PP... so YOU probably won't be going to these things even by yourself.
I'd just tell them to Eff Off and not go at all!!
You are not overreacting, your family is definitely being selfish and nuts, in my opinion. I wouldn't go to either event, even if they were next door to my house, nevermind traveling 2 hours in winter!
Stick to your guns, and I would also make it VERY clear that this is something you are not going to budge on, and if I were you, I would say "You do not have to like my decision, but you need to respect it. Please stop mentioning it to me, neither of us are going to either event". I really would let them know ahead of time that YOU are not going either, because I doubt you are going to feel up to it, and you may not feel comfortable being away from your baby so soon after she is born, especially 2 hours away!
I feel for you, because people do not seem to always respect how others feel. It may seem like no big deal to them, and a lot of times older people love to say "well I did it when my kids were newborns, and they turned out fine" or something similar, but this is YOUR baby, and YOUR choices.
Hope this helps:)
It's not only about the baby. They seriously think just because you're due 12/20 that you'll be giving birth ON that day?
And that aside, within 1 week you will feel up to running around, driving a long distance, and mingling with people?!
Whatever. Hold your ground.
I think your family is being very unreasonable. It's much more important for you to look out for the health of yourself and (if they've arrived yet) your newborn.
I would lay down the law with them now and just say that you're not going anywhere that close to your due date. I would feel more comfortable taking baby to the mall in a moby wrap that early than taking him to a large family gathering where you KNOW people aren't going to respect your personal space because they know you and want to meet the baby... in the middle of cold/flu season. Eeeesh! NO THANK YOU.
My best friend's newborn was hospitalized this week for a bad fever which turned out to be pneumonia. It was terrifying for everyone involved. That's what a common cold can turn into for a newborn. No way I'd risk that just to appease some selfish relatives.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.
- Robert Munsch
I have a slightly different view from the other ladies... You may actually feel like going.. After I had Tanner I was tired of being in the house within a few days. If you take a baby somewhere it does not mean they will get sick.. you can tell people to wash their hands or not touch just look... they basically sleep the whole time anyways.. your family just wants to see the baby.. they're excited too. relax... sorry but I hate posts like this and decided to tune in due to having nothing better to do... just my opinion..
I agree with this. Don't let your family push you around, but I'd offer a "we'll see" response. Because, you never know - you may actually feel like going with your baby. But........if my baby wasn't going, I don't think I'd be going....especially if you are breastfeeding.
I agree. I was dying to get out of the house after a week - and I had a c-section.
Meh. My second was born a week before Christmas and I hauled him all over the place. I talked to his pediatrician about it and he said as long as I wasn't passing him around, it was fine to go to the family get-togethers. We went to a family celebration with 60+ relatives the night we got released.
Everyone's excited to see the new baby -- and probably want you around, too, to help celebrate with the rest of the family. Obviously, it's your call, but I'd probably go to at least one of the events. And if I went, the baby would be coming with me since there's no way I'd leave my newborn with anyone at that point (and I EBF, so the logistics would be a nightmare).
Is there someone's house nearby you could hang at after making a brief appearance?
DD #1 passed away in January 2011 at 14 days old due to congenital heart disease
DD#2 lost in January 2012 at 23 weeks due to anhydramnios caused by a placental abruption
I agree with this.
Just lurking from the 6-9 board.
You are not overreacting. I had a third degree tear after DS was born, and I was super tired for about 5 weeks or so. Simply exhausted. Besides the fact the I could barely walk, let alone sit, due to the extreme pain from my stitches, I was just to tired and depleted I didn't go anywhere for two weeks, and yes, my MIL was crazy enough to try to convince me to bring the baby to a birthday party.
pffft. Do what you need to do.
vegan mama, military wife
I completely agree. I would probably say that I wouldn't be attending the retirement party. But I would not miss my sister's wedding unless i was actually in labour or it was physically impossible for me to make it. I would definitely have my accommodation lined up so that if I got sore or tired I could easily sneak out. I don't know how close you and your sister are, but my sister is my best friend in the world and I would never miss her wedding. (As for taking LO that's your call... I don't think its the end of the world to take him or her though). I don't think it is selfish of your sister to want you and her neice or nephew at her wedding.
Me too.
I also agree with the pp who said to give them a "we'll see" answer. You just never know how you'll feel. But definitely stick to your guns if you don't feel up to it or don't want to take your LO around huge groups of people.
I have this same opinion. Heck I had my daughter in third world countries before she was even a year old and she has always been a healthy child.
If your EDD is the 20th. There is a chance you won't even have her by newyears, much less the 28th.
I agree with the "we'll see" responses.
However, if you have to be a little more assertive (or even borderline rude) to get your point across that you are not comfortable travelling with your newborn, may I suggest the following: "I'm sorry that the timing of our first child's birth is inconvenient for you."
Both my sister and MIL are giving DH and I a hard time now that we won't be accompanying them on various family vacations in March as was planned when we thought we'd have a nine month old, not a four month old (plans don't always work out!). I said that (with a little bit of a smile and a slightly joke-y tone) and both apologized and haven't mentioned it since.
Your OB might well advise against it too - particularly if you are less than a week out from delivery.
My OB might be more cautious, but he doesn't recommend any long distance travel for several weeks after birth as well.
My Blog
Your family is CRAZY!! I am due a week before and I don't care what time of year it is I don't plan on leaving the house until January unless I feel like it!!
Note to all, selfish family included: Christmas, retirement parties or the apocalypse can just go right ahead without me and my baby while we get settled into our new lives, thanks, and see you in January ( unless you want to come visit, but you can't stay the night)