an honest question for bedsharing moms

LESP10 · October 2010

Do any of you sleep with baby in the bed without he/she being in some sort of seperate area (meaning those little co-sleeper baskets). I know some people do this, and the honest question is how can you be so sure you won't roll onto baby? I'm not trying to judge necessarily, it just seems like an odd desire to have them in the bed that way because they could easily be suffocated without the mother realizing it. Having them in your room right next to your bed is pretty much the same thing. Just wondering what the defense for this is.

AliciaCM · October 2010

my LO would not sleep in a bassinet... She loves to cuddle up next to me. This is why we started cosleeping. Personally, I look forward to going to bed each night, not just b/c I'm exhausted lol, but b/c I also LOVE that cuddle time with LO.

I've never thought too much about rolling over onto her. I mean, you don't roll off the bed during the night right? I figure if you are able to be conscious about where the edge of the bed was during the night, you're able to be conscious of where LO is...

ETA: IMO, having them in a bassinet is more similar to having her in the other room in a crib than having her in bed with me. We would be missing out on the cuddle time and frankly, that's what she really needs at night. We don't have a cosleeper, but that might be more similar to bedsharing than the bassinet is IMO.

BFab11 · October 2010

DS is in his own room most of the time now (he sleeps better in there), but previously we were bedsharing full time, and now we do in the mornings or if he's having a bad night. I'm very aware of him, and don't move at all in my sleep. Before I had him I was a heavy sleeper and moved/kicked a lot, but I've done a 180 since having him. I like him next to me because it's easy to nurse in the middle of the night, and we cuddle. I do what I need to so he's safe and I'm confident in my choice.

JulzRulz · October 2010

We never had her in bed all night, it was usually just for the last few hours of the very early morning, when she was more likely to wake a lot if she slept on her own. I'd just scoot way over by H and put her about 1.5 feet away from me, within arms reach, and about 2 feet from the edge. I don't think I ever moved from the position I fell asleep in.

rmj3059 · October 2010

My DD sleeps in her crib every night only because DH couldn't get any sleep with her loud noises. I wanted to co-sleep but he was returning to work quicker than me so she ended up in her crib as soon as we came home from the hospital. I do lay down with her on the weekends for naps. Her and I sleep in the bed together and I don't worry about rolling on to her. I don't know what it is that keeps me from rolling around when I normally do. Maybe subconsciously I know she is there. I'm not sure. And oddly, I feel like I sleep better when she is sleeping next to me.

All of my friends co-slept (sp?) with their kids and nothing tragic happened. I've read stories of parents accidentally smothering their kids and it's horrible to think about how easy that could happen.

two-pink-shoes · October 2010

I will occasionally sleep in the bed with him when he's having a rough night. Usually I don't keep him there all night but I have a few times. When I have him in the bed I move the pillows and push the covers all the way down so they only cover my feet. DH sleeps elsewhere when DS is in the bed and I also pull my hair back and wear not-too-loose clothing. I sleep on my side pretty close to DS with one arm above his head so that he doesn't scoot up against the wall. I didn't start doing this until he was about 3 months old.

You'd be amazed how aware of him I am even when I'm sleeping.

p&rmetz · October 2010

AliciaCM:
my LO would not sleep in a bassinet... She loves to cuddle up next to me. This is why we started cosleeping. Personally, I look forward to going to bed each night, not just b/c I'm exhausted lol, but b/c I also LOVE that cuddle time with LO.
I've never thought too much about rolling over onto her. I mean, you don't roll off the bed during the night right? I figure if you are able to be conscious about where the edge of the bed was during the night, you're able to be conscious of where LO is...

This exactly! I'm always aware of where DD is. I think its an instinct we have. Obviously if I ever take anything that will make me drowsy, she sleeps in her pnp in our room.

MamaSquish · October 2010

AliciaCM:

my LO would not sleep in a bassinet... She loves to cuddle up next to me. This is why we started cosleeping. Personally, I look forward to going to bed each night, not just b/c I'm exhausted lol, but b/c I also LOVE that cuddle time with LO.

I've never thought too much about rolling over onto her. I mean, you don't roll off the bed during the night right? I figure if you are able to be conscious about where the edge of the bed was during the night, you're able to be conscious of where LO is...

ETA: IMO, having them in a bassinet is more similar to having her in the other room in a crib than having her in bed with me. We would be missing out on the cuddle time and frankly, that's what she really needs at night. We don't have a cosleeper, but that might be more similar to bedsharing than the bassinet is IMO.

I agree 100%

ToBeMrsT · October 2010

I've never even come close to rolling onto DD or DS. We bedshare safely and I'm not worried about anything happening.

DS slept with next to me until 17 months and DD has been next to me for 6 months.

LESP10 · October 2010

That is a good point about the edge of the bed. I guess it would also help if you are a lighter sleeper. I would think in my case it could never work with my husband in the bed because he sleeps through fire alarms haha...and sometimes does roll *almost* off the bed, like legs hanging off. We never tried, now if we have the baby in the bed with us he thinks it's playtime :b

Mainer-in-Texas · October 2010

I bring DD into bed with me to nurse side-lying, and I often fall asleep while she is nursing - it's the only way I can get adequate rest and that's why we sometimes bedshare. I'm not worried about rolling onto her after getting the okay from my doctor, talking to other moms, doing some of my own research, etc. I don't even move when she is next to me - I can tell that because I'm often really stiff when I wake up!

LESP10 · October 2010

This all makes sense. I was really curious. For some reason when I lay next to him he thinks it's play time and will start "talking" and telling me about his day, it gets him all amped up lol. I guess I would have had to start this when he was newborn so he would've been used to it.

D_Nett86 · October 2010

My DS sleeps with me about half of the night. I'm a very light sleeper, every noise or movement wakes me. I hold him in my arms and sleep on my side. I can't be 100 % sure that I would never roll on him but I do know that when I am asleep snuggling with him I never roll or move. If my hip or sholder starts to hurt from me laying on it too long then the pain wakes me up and I'll roll to the other side with him still in my arms.

Erika6504 · October 2010

I'm a VERY light sleeper.

DS starts off in the PnP by our bed but he only stays there for an hour or so before he wakes up. We sleep facing each other and his head rests on my arm. It's the only way he'll sleep. I don't move at all when I'm sleeping. I really feel that I'm totally aware that he is there. I don't trust DH as much so I face the outside of the bed and DS is closer to the edge.

AliciaCM · October 2010

LESP10:
That is a good point about the edge of the bed. I guess it would also help if you are a lighter sleeper. I would think in my case it could never work with my husband in the bed because he sleeps through fire alarms haha...and sometimes does roll *almost* off the bed, like legs hanging off. We never tried, now if we have the baby in the bed with us he thinks it's playtime :b

My DH also sleeps very heavy... He has slept through pretty much everything including a hurricane lol

LO sleeps between me and a very securely attached guardrail on the edge of the bed.... this way neither of us have to worry about DH.

Although DH is anxious for when LO gets a little older and he can cuddle with her more at night...

AbJams · October 2010

DD has been sleeping with me alot lately because she has been sooo wakeful and I need sleep, dammit. I never thought I would be comfortable bedsharing, but I sleep with her in the crook of my left arm and I literally do not move at ALL while she's there. She has started moving a certain way that tells me she is ready to go back into her bassinet and then she sleeps for a few hours in there. I think it's kind of hard to explain to someone who doesn't do it how you can be sure you won't roll onto LO... you just... don't. FWIW, alot of infants deaths that get attributed to bedsharing around here, where we actually have a very high infant mortality rate, is from people NOT being safe. Sleeping on the couch with an infant is NOT safe, bedsharing with someone who has been drinking or using drugs is NOT safe, and bedsharing with too many people in a not big enough bed is also NOT safe.

JulzRulz · October 2010

Yeah, I definitely would not have put DD next to H. He's too heavy a sleeper and rolls around a lot. I never planned to bedshare, it just sort of happened, and we only did it when DD was very little and swaddled, so there was no risk of her rolling around towards the edge of the bed. We quit once we moved her into her crib at about 2.5 months.

AliciaCM · October 2010

LESP10:
This all makes sense. I was really curious. For some reason when I lay next to him he thinks it's play time and will start "talking" and telling me about his day, it gets him all amped up lol. I guess I would have had to start this when he was newborn so he would've been used to it.

I love those conversations! This is what LO does in the morning when she's waking up.. We have great conversations about what she dreamt about the night before!

ETA: this is great in the morning, but I agree not so great at night when you are trying to go to sleep lol

h2babe · October 2010

JulzRulz:
We never had her in bed all night, it was usually just for the last few hours of the very early morning, when she was more likely to wake a lot if she slept on her own. I'd just scoot way over by H and put her about 1.5 feet away from me, within arms reach, and about 2 feet from the edge. I don't think I ever moved from the position I fell asleep in.

This is me exactly. I am usually a very deep sleeper, BUT somehow, when DD is next to me, I'm never 100% asleep. I'm so aware of her being there, and my body/arms does not move. We are not crazy about having her there, but she still wakes up 2-3 times/ night especially because she cluster feeds and does not eat much at DC (5 oz max for 8-9 hrs/day), and I want to make sure that she eats, even if that means I'd wake up more at night.

jays_bride · October 2010

AliciaCM:

my LO would not sleep in a bassinet... She loves to cuddle up next to me. This is why we started cosleeping. Personally, I look forward to going to bed each night, not just b/c I'm exhausted lol, but b/c I also LOVE that cuddle time with LO.

I've never thought too much about rolling over onto her. I mean, you don't roll off the bed during the night right? I figure if you are able to be conscious about where the edge of the bed was during the night, you're able to be conscious of where LO is...

ETA: IMO, having them in a bassinet is more similar to having her in the other room in a crib than having her in bed with me. We would be missing out on the cuddle time and frankly, that's what she really needs at night. We don't have a cosleeper, but that might be more similar to bedsharing than the bassinet is IMO.

Yep, same here. The crib is pushed up next to our bed though, with one side off, that way if she rolls, she rolls into her own bed.

Keep this in mind: Mothers have been cosleeping since the beginning of time. In some cultures it's still necessary in order to provide adequate warmth and protection. When the entire world population is considered, there are probably a lot more cosleepers than not.

Oh, and I'm selfish and want my baby beside me...

sacey21 · October 2010

it all started from my desperate need for sleep! lo hated her bassinet and never slept longer then an hour or two and if she did, i couldn't because i was sooo paranoid about SIDS. one night, after i nursed her, i just cuddled up with her and we both slept through the night!

she sleeps near me (not near dh) and i keep my ace near hers...i kind of press my lips against her forhead so i know that her nose is clear and i sort of form a C bu curling up around her so she can't roll or move into an unsafe position. i don't put the blankets past my waist so i just dress her warm nd she doesn't get any. we both sleep great. it's funny though because i am aware of her every move. it has been so great since i am ebf...she stirs and looks for food-eats-and falls back to sleep with no crying and i barely have to move.

i plan to move the crib into our room soon and start helping her to sleep on her own before i move her into the nursery. i won't move her if she isn't ready.

Soon2bBivens · October 2010

D_Nett86:
My DS sleeps with me about half of the night. I'm a very light sleeper, every noise or movement wakes me. I hold him in my arms and sleep on my side. I can't be 100 % sure that I would never roll on him but I do know that when I am asleep snuggling with him I never roll or move. If my hip or sholder starts to hurt from me laying on it too long then the pain wakes me up and I'll roll to the other side with him still in my arms.

This exactly!

wifeofaussie · October 2010

JulzRulz:
We never had her in bed all night, it was usually just for the last few hours of the very early morning, when she was more likely to wake a lot if she slept on her own.

This. DH started it because with his weird work hours, he never got to see her awake and I just kept it up because I like having someone to cuddle with when he's out of town for long stretches. We're in a queen sized bed, I never come close to rolling over onto her. Plus, I'm half awake at that point anyway.

ToothyRoothy78 · October 2010

I bedshare with DD, only because she will not sleep anywhere by herself for an extended period of time. It's the only way I can get a solid 6-7 hours of needed sleep per night. There is no way I would ever roll on her. I'm a light sleeper to begin with, but with her next to me, I think my subconscious mind won't let me! I would like to get her in a crib, though, so DH and I can have some "alone" time. I plan to try the Ferber method soon.

jen_jupiter · October 2010

My hometown newspaper wrote an article about 8yrs ago about a young mom who rolled onto her baby and killed her in her sleep. The mom had a couple drinks that night, but the word is that she only had a couple and wasn't drunk. Either way, my concern is more about the soft, squishy sleeping surface, pillows and big blankets that they say to leave out of LO's cribs soo... I don't think it's worth the risk. Also, my DS is always laying sideways in his crib when we check on him, so he obviously moves around a bit in his sleep and I wouldn't want him to fall on the floor.

thefineprint1 · October 2010

DS is 4 months old now and has slept next to me in bed since night 1 in the hospital. I don't know what it is...he just won't fall asleep anywhere else. If you try to let him fall asleep next to you and then put him in his crib or cradle he will wakt up 5 minutes later screaming. Sigh...it was either no sleep for me or letting him sleep next to me. We co-sleep safely and I've never had a fear of rolling over onto him. I do feel more comfortable now that he is older and larger. I often wake up if he kicks or fusses or just periodically throughout the night. I think it is just some kind of natural instinctual behavior - i love co-sleeping but look forward to letting him sleep on his own!

BelhurstBride · October 2010

DD sleeps in bed with us and we take precautions to ensure her safety. You never bedshare if either parent has been taking any sort of medicine that may make them drowsy or if either parent has been drinking. DD sleeps between myself and a bed rail.

Fox News did an expose on bed sharing recently. For the year they studied every bed sharing death was related to a formula feeding parent. Their conclusion was that breast feeding mothers have a natural instinct for where their child is in the bed that formula feeding mothers don't have.

To me (and to most other developed countries) bed sharing is a much more natural sleep situation than expecting an infant to sleep independently in a separate bedroom. Interestingly, our country pushes independent sleeping the most yet has the highest number of diagnosed sleep disorders.

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