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Adoption
Thoughts from a birth mom (a bit long)
Hello everyone,
I know this board is for those looking/planning/in the process of adopting but I wanted to give you all a perspective and some thoughts from a person who placed her child for adoption. First, I want to say to all of you, thank you. I cannot express how wonderful it is to have people like you in the world that are willing to love someone that you have no blood connection with and promise to love unconditionally. Secondly, I am willing to answer any questions or concerns you may have from "the other side." I normally hang out on the NorCal Baby board or you can email me at sthrn_bel at comcast.net. I am very open about my story and the decision I made and if it helps me to tell my story, then I am for it.
Here is a bit of my story: I am a birth mom, my daughter that I placed is now 7 years old and she was placed at birth. I was 22 when I became pregnant and single running a business with her birth father. I sold my business, got my own apt and started thinking about how to raise my child. I should probably mention that my daughter is bi-racial and I was born and raised in the southern US. My mom still lives in a town where your skin color determines what side of the tracks you live. So let's just say my mom was NOT thrilled, nor was she supportive of my situation. I sat down with the birth father and we made the decision that I was not going to raise our child in a family that would not love her 100% and be supportive of me. He was supportive, but my family was not and I was not going to have her thinking she was unloved in any way.
So, we started looking for an agency and I started going to a doctor and looking for a job. I quickly found both and focused all my energy on an adoption plan and staying healthy. We found a wonderful agency in my 6th month called Bethany Christian Services. They handle both international and domestic adoptions. They were perfect for us.
After a long search, we found the perfect family. They had 1 child that they had biologically about 10 years of age and had adopted one child just 2 years earlier as well. They fit everything we wanted. We chose to have a semi-open adoption. For those that do not understand that term, all communication is done through the agency and neither sides know the last names or home addresses. The agency handled everything. I did see her a few times as a baby and a toddler, due to the agency's requirements to the adoptive parents. I also received updates and pictures for several years.
Now, the decision I made helped me turn my life around and was the best decision I have ever made for her and me. She was my inspiration to go back to college and get my business degree. 2 years after she was born, I met my now husband who loves me and knows about her. He supports the decision I made then and loves that I could do that. We have been married for 2 years now, and are currently expecting our first child. Do I wish my daughter was with us? Yes, everyday it hurts that I cannot see her, but there is not a day that goes by that I regret what I did. I know I could not give her what she needed to survive and thanks to a wonderful family willing to open up their home, she has everything I could not give her.
I know this is very long, I will stop here. I just wanted to tell you thank you and I hope that you are blessed with a little bundle of joy as well. Feel free to find me on the NorCal Baby board or email me as needed. Like I said before, I am open to answering any questions you may have.
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Re: Thoughts from a birth mom (a bit long)
Hi,
Thanks for sharing your story. Just like you said that adoptive parents are special, I believe you're special too. If not for a birth mother then we wouldn't have our wonderful son Ben.
I'm happy that you have such a wonderful life and are expecting another child. BTW, I think it's interesting that you said you're child was bi-racial and you live in the South. Ben is either bi-racial or 1/2 Caucasian, 1/4 Hispanic and 1/4 AA. We live in the South too, but my family is so wonderfully supportive and we didn't care if he was purple polka-dotted. LOL!!
Thanks so much for your courageous story!
thanks for sharing your story.
I am going to have my husband read it. It is such a good reminder to remember the bm stories. I appreciate it!
Thank you for opening your heart and sharing your story! I too would like to thank you.....if it was not for birth moms having faith in the system we too would not have our daughter!!! So hugs and congrats on the new little one!