Is there any way to get through to him?

Sapphyr · October 2010

If DS is doing something he shouldn't be doing it comes down to yelling at the top of my lungs to get his attention to stop. He has this stupid riding car thing and he loves to crash it as hard as he can into us or DD. He doesn't get what he wants and he bangs his head on anything hard that he can find. He tantrums and does the same thing. Tantrums are frequent every day with lots of throwing of objects on his part. He's broken dishes even. I was trying to look through a box tonight and DD was on the floor a couple feet in front of me playing. It took me a minute to realize that DS was pounding on DDs hands and arms with one of his puzzle pieces. It left welts on her hands and arms. I know it's my fault for not keeping my eyes on them 100%, but I can't figure out how to deal with DS anymore. He doesn't care that he has or does hurt us or DD. He laughs about it. Or he tries to hide by covering his eyes. Talking to him just makes him angry and throw a tantrum. Timeouts aren't safe for any of us with the head banging and kicking. He's in the process of being tested to see if he's eligible for the special needs preschool. I want both kids to be happy and to be safe to play but not if DS is going to keep wailing on DD. He's told multiple to be gentle and shown gentle by using his hands lightly to hug. Any recommendations on how to address this? I have the Dr. Sears discipline book but I can't seem to get anything out there that works for DS.

hollerjeepgirl · October 2010

Hi, I'm a lurker. I use to throw awful temper tantrums and I know that I don't know your DS's condition. I did it for attention. You can try and let him know that it's not bugging you, he's getting attention like he wants but it's negative attention. So if you ignore him it might help?

Sapphyr · October 2010

I remember throwing a tantrum or two myself. For DS though ignoring him doesn't work. He's persistent and it leads him to banging his head on hard objects.

Sobachka · October 2010

What is his dx? Are his behaviors addressed through therapy at all?

My son has ASD and screaming, no matter how load, does not work for him at all. I can sympathize with what you are going through, my son broke my nose several times and I had a few black eyes too. He has a very strong head and does not feel any pain.

This is why I know my DS does not understand that he is hurting me. He sees me bleed and he just freaks out not understanding what is happening and that he did it to me.

The only thing that works for us is to be 100% with him at all times. We go to the park, I do not chat with other moms or look around, I am shadowing him, playing with him, introducing him to other kids and guiding his activities. In fact, many times you will see us on the playground surrounded by a bunch of other kids, and I organize them all in a game, but I am always with my DS.

It is super hard with 2 kids. I would say - take your daughter everywhere with you. If you are sitting on the floor, you can play with him, but she will be closer to you, so you can block any unwanted activity.

Teach him to get your attention. If he crashed a car into you, teach him to touch you, pull your hand - this is what you are responding too. Car crashing only means that the car is taken away.

The hardest part is to be loving. I feel sorry for myself every day!!!! But at the end of the day, my DS best responds to my quiet voice and loving redirection.

Good luck!

MummyGruetzie · October 2010

This sounds like more than just typical attention seeking behavior. How long have you seen these types of behaviors? Have you spoken with your pedi. at all? Does he communicate effectively with his spoken or receptive language? These are the things I'd look into:1) Follow up with the local Child Find about the special ed. preschool to make sure things are rolling. Also follow up with your pediatrician to let him know that you're getting more concerned about the issue. See if he can pull strings with a dev't pediatrician.2) Developmental pediatrician--this is a pediatrician who specializes in children with differences of all sorts. They'll be able to help you sort out what's going on, get a diagnosis if there is one, and point you in the right direction for help. You may need a referral from your general ped. Developmental peds take months to get into. (We have an 8 month wait with the one we're going to). I'd get on that as soon as possible.3) Look into a BCBA. This is a Board Certified Behavioral Analyst. This person may be a psychologist, a special education teacher, a speech therapist or a social worker. They're trained specifically in behavior management with a very specific approach. A lot of people use a BCBA for children on the autism spectrum, but they're great for kids with many needs. Make sure that you share that you're specifically looking for help with "behavior management". They sometimes do a type of teaching. Once your DS has a diagnosis, you may want to pursue that, but regarding the topics in this post, I'd look specifically to that part of it. There are some BCBAs that don't like to do just behavior management, so you do want to tell them ahead of time. This is a list serve of people who are certified. https://www.bacb.com/consum_frame.html To be a BCBA you have to be a master's level professional. A BCaBA needs a lesser amount of training/schooling. 4) Look into a sensory OT. Not every OT will specialize in meeting sensory needs and often times the OTs at a school will not. OTs that will help you will managing sensory input usually refer to something called Sensory Integration or some variation of those words. A good one will do a profile where they will show you the type of sensory needs your son has and then follow up by showing you how to meet those needs. If he goes to preschool, they may or may not help with this arena. That's kind of a spotty area with schools. 5) If you're the googling type, look into "Positive Behavior Support Systems". This is a method where you teach the child what you want them to do. There are variations of exactly how different people do this. Becky Bailey is someone who has very easy to read books with super practical ideas on establishing positive discipline by creating a nurturing but consistent and structured environment.**Big hugs**.

MummyGruetzie · October 2010

Also. Do you notice that the behaviors happen more at certain times? Like --around lunch time or in down times. After certain toys have come out. After a certain snack or with the lights a specific way. This is something to start paying attention to so that you can relay the info. to other people who will be trying to get the bottom of things.

Is there any way to get through to him?

Re: Is there any way to get through to him?

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