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Babies: 6 - 9 Months
My UO (a spin-off from the IVF one)
It really erks me that people are always wanting to help and adopt from other countries when our own is so screwed up, and there are thousands of children waiting to be adopted right here. There are over 600 children in Northern AZ alone waiting for great homes. It really makes me sad that we as a country can raise millions of dollars for Haiti and where ever else, but don't give a dollar to the bum on our own street.
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Re: My UO (a spin-off from the IVF one)
this i agree with.
and the "adopt an african baby" fad is errr...emotionally conflicting for me.
Unfortunately, I think there's a lot of red-tape with adoption and it's easier for certain families in certain situations to adopt internationally rather than domestically.
I had a co-worker and her husband (who were Italian, but had gotten their US Citizenship) who adopted and it really only made sense for them to adopt from a couple of countries and it still took about 2 years to get a baby. They were in their 40's and I don't think they would have had a chance at getting a baby from the US in any decent period of time.
Hey, I was a foster child, so my heart wants to agree with you! But it is a fact thst adopting in the US is sig harder than adopting internationally. I spent 3 years tied up in legal bullshiit for an American adoption. Since I don't have a second siggy....guess how that worked out for me?
I have a co-worker who paid $40k to adopt an infant girl from China. Is this cheap? no and it took him about 2 years....
My IVF cost me $11k
I looked into adoption for our second child. The instant I read that the birth parents get to pick the adoptive parents from a profile book, I closed my mind off to adoption.
I'm sorry, but if a couple decides to surrender a child for adoption, they should have NO SAY in who gets to adopt that child. I didn't want to have to wait for a birth mother who wanted to kick it old testament style, as Juno would call it.
I don't want to adopt an older child. I don't want to bring someone into my home that I am supposed to love and care for when I don't trust them as far as I can throw them until I get to know them.
So, DH and I will continue to make babies the old fashioned way.
I think you should put yourself in their shoes. What if you were young say a teenager, found yourself pregnant and making the hardest decision of your life about your own child. Wouldn't you want peace of mind in knowing you felt you picked who was the best option for you?
That's a bit harsh. Parents are encouraged to select/approve the adoptive parents even if they are involved in court due to abuse/neglect. It actually goes a long way in assisting the adoption process, rather than allowing the children to wait to be freed by continuing the court process. When possible, open adoptions are also encouraged---has it's own can of worms, but can also benefit the child.
I can't put myself in their shoes. I wasn't a 16 year old girl having sex. I NEVER put myself in the position to have to make this decision... I had more common sense than that. And, if a professional social worker has deemed me qualified to adopt a 16 yo girl's baby, I would hope that she could take comfort in the fact that the professional has made the decision.
I see no benefit in duplicative parental roles. It's confusion at its finest. This is just MO. I really don't have a problem with it existing, but for an adoption to work for me and my DH, we would be the ones picking the child, and it would be a completely closed adoption.
My DS is adopted from AZ and it is not an easy or cheap process. I have gone through IVF also, and the price is pretty equivalent and the waiting is equally as trying. I believe it takes a special person to be able to adopt from the foster care system, as many times the history of the child is sketchy at best. My friend is one of 13 adopted children, all from troubled homes, and although they were well loved, cared for, and understood by their parents they each had many obstacles to overcome. It took much patience and counseling for many of them to heal from their time in foster homes or with their birthparents (even if they were too young to remember). In homes with two working parents, it would be very difficult to provide the attention and care needed by many of these children after being transferred from home to home to home.
I think the birthmom having a say in the choice of the adoptive family is not a negative, but rather a positive. I think often times it reflects the type of family she wishes she had and wants for her child and it helps her heal after the adoption; knowing that she made the best possible choice for her child.