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I think I need help :(

SarahRose26SarahRose26
in Postpartum Depression

I keep imagining horrible things happening to my baby. I have never had an urge to hurt him or anything, but I am constantly seeing danger in every situation and see vivid images of awful things happening to him. For example, if I see someone on the street and think they look shifty, I get a mental picture of them pulling out a shot gun and shooting DS. If I walk past a pond, I get the feeling that my pram is going to somehow fall into the water and get sucked down into the mud. I worry that his cot is going to catch fire and burn him alive while I am in another room. I panic and think that I've left him to die in his car seat, even though I know full well that I have dropped him with the IL's. Just constant, horrible things popping into my head.

But because I feel otherwise fine, I keep putting off going to the Dr. I keep thinking that maybe it's normal to think these things, and don't want to waste the Dr's time, or feel stupid for going in for something common. I know you aren't medical professionals, and I hope I'm not being annoying or insensitive to people with diagnosed PPD, but I don't know where else to turn. Does what I'm feeling sound like the 'baby blues'? Or can something be done to help me not think about these horrible things? 

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Re: I think I need help :(

  • just_peachyjust_peachy

    I can totally relate to what you are going through.  What you have is Post Partum Obsessive Thought Disorder.  Your brain has an overactive Amigdila (sp?) which is letting all these bad thoughts enter into your psyche and there is nothing that is blocking it.

    I am having the same problem (among others).  Proper therapy and medication will really help and assist you so please go to a doctor and get this evaluated and checked out.

    If you need me to chat, please feel free to reach out and contact me at bluerosemlm at yahoo dot com

    God Bless our sweet baby James. Our son, born 11/22/09. Unplanned, Emergency C-section image
    "Wearing his BING CROSBY clothes and crooning...buuuh buuh buuuh" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • tbone22308tbone22308
    I had the exact same thing. I'm now on Zoloft, and it's seemed to help. At my worst, i will have just clipped DD in the car seat, and i'd have the thought that i left her in the shopping cart. Or when crossing the street that i'd leave her stroller in the middle of the intersection. Or dropping her down the stairs...the list went on and on. Please call your Dr. You CAN end these thoughts.
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  • emnoahmomemnoahmom member
    I've never posted here before (need to though) and your post really hit me. I have similiar thoughts, have with all 4 kids, my last is 5 months. The fire thing is what gets me especially...keeps me from sleeping sometimes. I know I need help as well, it's just making that step.  Know your not alone, though it really feels like it when everyone else seems to be living "normal" lives. "Hugs"- Jess
    Mom to Emma, Noah, Isaac, Asa, Asher, Jonah and expecting baby Alice 7/16


     



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  • robinadornorobinadorno
    I still obsess over my son, but what you are describing was exactly what I went through right after DS was born. I drove myself crazy worrying about everything that could happen. I cried a lot as well and looking back it was all PPD related. I felt like meds weren't for me. I talked through it with my husband, went for long walks and it eventually subsided around 3-4 mo. Find someone to talk to about it.
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  • jenny1980jenny1980 member

    Yes, these intrusive, repetitive thoughts are common in post partum disorders, specifically PPOCD (which i was diagnosed with). The good news is that it's very treatable with a combo of medication & cognitive behavioral therapy.

    The best thing to do is to be seen by a medical doctor who can refer you to a psychologist. Good luck!

     

     

    image Lucy, 12/27/2009
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  • SarahRose26SarahRose26
    Thank you everyone. I have made an appointment with my GP for Friday morning. I really hope that he can help or refer me to someone who can, because I feel like the last week or so I have gotten worse. I had a panic atack the other day because I was convinced that I was going to drop DS into a tank at the aquarium and he would be eaten by sharks. I was not at, or had any plans to go to the aquarium at the time, it just randomly popped into my head while I was driving and I had to pull over until the panic subsided and I could safely drive again. I just want to enjoy my baby without feeling like a crazy person. And I feel like having these thoughts makes me a bad mother. I know in my bones that I don't actually wish for or want any of these things to happen, but I feel like by imagining it, I am betraying DS in some way. Like, a 'good' mother wouldn't imagine sharks eating her baby, would she? :(
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  • Becca410s711Becca410s711

    I am SO glad that you posted this. I have been having the exact same issue and I was too afraid to post it or talk about it because I thought people would think I was crazy or that I didn't love my daughter. I haven't even told my husband the extent of it, but he knows I've been "anxious" about something happening to her. I have had really vivid, horrible thoughts come into my head constantly since she was born. I have gotten to the point where I stay at home most of the time because the thoughts are driving me crazy. I have had many panic attacks - in the mall, a grocery store, etc. I started taking Welbutrin, but it hasn't helped yet. I am not crying all the time anymore, but I am still having those horrible "visions" about my baby. At night, its hard for me to sleep because I keep having the same vision of someone breaking in our house and shooting my baby in front of me. It's driving me crazy. Do you all think that the Welbutrin should be helping this? Or is there a different medication that is typically prescribed for this?

     Again, thanks for having the courage to post this, I am SO relieved to know that it is common. I thought I was the only one and I was too scared to talk about it! 

    I hope this gets better for you real soon!! Hugs! 

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  • wombat 3wombat 3 member

    I am right there with you guys.  I finally saw a counselor last Friday and she confirmed that it was PPOCD.  Mine started while I was pregnant--only like 7-8 weeks along.  Isn't it crazy what our brain does to us?  My counselor informed me that studies have shown that the part of our brain activated when we have these intrusive thoughts is the same part of the brain that is activated when we are being protective of our baby.  So really these obsessions are us thinking of anything that could happen and being protective of our children--even protecting our children from ourselves even though we wouldn't do anything to hurt our children. 

    The big breakthrough for me was realizing that I wasn't "crazy" and that many women struggle with this.  I am not alone and it doesn't have to affect my life.  I can overcome it. 

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