Dreading conflict with ILs when LO comes? (long)

Water_Wedding · October 2010

[sorry about the lack of paragraphs-they never stick when I'm on the iPhone] The closer my EDD gets, the more often I remember that the ILs will soon be here to visit. I'm dreading it because I cant imagine how it could possibly NOT end in a blowup. I have an obnoxious MIL who thinks she knows it all. Last time they stayed with us I noticed that she says "No! Let me tell you why...!" several times a day! It was easy enough to ignore most ofthe stupid comments like how could I be drinking Coca-Cola when I should know that it still has cocaine in it today. But I had had it when she started criticizing what I feed my dog too. Now she'll be critizing everything about the baby. I have seen her in action with her own daughter. It was crazy! Her daughter had premie twins and she was feeding cereal in the bottle the day I visited when they were six weeks and her daughter was telling her not to. At my baby shower, she chased after the person carrying my almost four month old nephew because she heard that he's not fed water and "all babies have to drink water!" she didn't respect that she was told he's EBF and that she had never even met my sister! Anyway, I don't want to cause tension between DH and his dad (who think his wife is a genius). But I'll have to put my foot down when she tries these ridiculous things here especially since she doesn't support breastfeeding either. Anyone else think LO might bring things to a boil?

gblake · October 2010

When you say visit, how long do you mean? Is she staying at your house or will she be dropping in for visits and then leaving?

Either way, you need to have DH handle this. If you know it will cause problems start the conversation now. You don't have to attack his mother but tell him 'After the baby comes and during your parents visit I need you to be an advocate for me and the baby. It will be stressful time as new parents and we need to be united together. If I come to you and need your help on something I need to know you will take care of it.' And then say 'an area that concerns me is your parents.' Don't attack and don't bring up these other issues, just get him to be aware of your concerns. Good luck!!

Water_Wedding · October 2010

Good question. They're staying with us for the week because they live on the other side of the country. This is actually DH's MIL who he never liked and really started to hate when she threw away his absentee ballot in college because he goes for the opposite party. He loves his dad though but it's a strained relationship I don't want to make more uncomfortable.

Miranda_10/27/07 · October 2010

Can they stay at a hotel? My mom and her husband and my inlaws will be staying at a hotel when they visit. That way if I get overwhelmed DH and I have somewhere else to send them.

You may want to point out to your H that you if the in-laws iare in a hotel that you and H are guarenteed private bonding time with LO everyday. Also I'm sure it will be better for LO with less people in the house all the time.

TtotheG · October 2010

Agree with PP.

We have one of these, too - DH sister. Unfortunately we had to get a counselor involved, but he said that DH sister is DHs problem. However, DH and I are a united front and he needs to put his sister in her place. Your DH really needs to nicely tell her to back off. I've done it with my own mother and my husband has done it now with his sister. Not saying all is well with the world, but at least they know their place in the pecking order.

Also, I'm not above voicing my own opinions to MIL or SIL ... or my own mother for that matter. If I don't agree, I don't agree.

Just remember, this is YOUR child and they will never be able to take that away from you. And sometimes ... we just have to pick our battles & nod and smile.

curlydoglover · October 2010

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Family politics is never easy. I agree with the PP who said that it might be best for them to stay at a hotel.

I'm dreading this as well, though. My ILs are notorious for a) having no boundaries b) always wanting to "help" and making things 10x worse in the process and c) having TONS of unsolicited advice to offer.

For example, my MIL asked at the shower if we'd decided what formula we were going to use...after I'd been discussing breast pumps with my SIL. I replied that I was going to breastfeed and she waved that off like "Well, sure. But you're going to supplement, right?" Uhhhmmmm....no?

My FIL and I had a falling out earlier this year over his behavior. It's a long story as to why and what. He made a half-assed attempt at an apology this summer, right after they found out the baby was a boy. I don't think it's a coincidence and I'm not quite as willing to forgive based on just words. Fortunately DH backs me up on this and was equally as upset with his dad, so I'm not treading on eggshells quite as much. So, yeah, we're expecting a few fights. Especially with the holidays.

Want a personalized experience?

Dreading conflict with ILs when LO comes? (long)

Re: Dreading conflict with ILs when LO comes? (long)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards