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Success after IF
Serious Discipline HELP Needed! (Hitting, Throwing, etc.0
Is this the right boad? I am a SAIF-er, but my DS is almost 21months?
Ladies, I am really really upset and hoping you can give me some good advice. DS has gone from being a really great kid to a terror. Literally, this started last Monday and hasn't stopped. When I try to take away a toy or basically do anything he doesn't like, instead of thowing a normal toddler fit (crying, throwing himself on the floor, etc.) he has started to hit me or throw things. This is happening all the time. Yesterday, DS's friend took a toy right out of his hand (not that this is good behavior either!) and DS flips out. I tried to redirect him, giving him other toys instead and he threw them at my face 
I picked him up to go talk to him in a corner and he started hitting my face. I have no doubt that he probably would have hit his buddy if I hadn't been right there.
Seriously, I am scared of what's happening. I miss my sweet boy. Here is what we've tried: Normally, if he isn't ballistic, I tell him (scary mommy voice) "NO THROW/HIT. That that hurts mommy and we don't throw/hit. And I make him say sorry and give me a hug. Lately though, he is just crazed, crying, etc. Nothing I say seems to get through. I yell at him to "STOP. NO HIT" then grab his hand and put it down and hold it there, but it just doesn't seem to faze him at all. Time outs are really not working yet. When we do them, I put him facing a corner and he is usually crying hysterically and eventually I just have to let him out of time out; he never seems to calm down. Please any advice would be amazing. I am really scared to go anywhere with him right now b/c I am worried he will freak out on another kid I have read 123 Magic but those priniciples don't really seem to work b/c of the lack of understanding of a time-out.
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Re: Serious Discipline HELP Needed! (Hitting, Throwing, etc.0
Our boys have started this recently too. It sucks. The only thing that we have found that is effective is just totally ignoring the behavior. It's almost like they're TRYING to get a rise out of us. The angrier we get, the more they want to do it. So we just say "don't hit/throw/etc." and then walk away or go on doing something that is completely separate from them. If they stop getting a reaction, they tend to stop more quickly.
Our problem is that they egg each other on! If one throws something, the other one laughs so he keeps doing it! I guess that's one of the down sides of having twins.
Also, you may want to hop over to the Toddlers: 12-24 month board. I post over there mostly and the ladies there have a ton of experience with these types of things.
I really think this is normal...but I know it's very upsetting and frustrating. Is he talking much? He's probably very frustrated that he can't express himself verbally. And of course learning that you can't always do what you want to do at any given time is something all toddlers go through, and it's tough! I would try a different approach and see if it gets through to him any better. How about trying to be very loving with him...get down at his level and calmly say "we don't hit; can you use gentle touches like this?" (demonstrate) then ask if he will show you his gentle touch. Give him great praise if he does show you gentle touches! And lots of hugs. It took a while, but this ultimately worked with Cal. He now will break into the gentle touches on his own after the initial lashing-out (which are much less frequent).
I think you'll find it's a phase that will fade in a while...
LO #1 - 1 unmedicated/self-monitored IUI w/ donor sperm.
LO #2 - 1 m/c, 2 BFNs, 4th IUI worked (unmedicated/self-monitored with new donor sperm).
Life is beautiful!
I also try to remind myself that no matter how well they can communicate, toddlers are completely self-centered individuals. Everything revolves around them. Imagine having 2 of those at the same time! No wonder my hair is going gray already!
They are looking for immediate satisfaction and they want what they want NOW. I know that doesn't help mom or dad stay sane, but at least it's an explanation!
We have been having similar problems with DS, although in his case he likes to bite as well as do all that you mentioned. I told him that we were trying all of these various strategies and he told me that we needed to take DS's freedom away or he would keep on doing it (now some of what he suggested I agree with, and other parts we have never done).
He told me to have different punishment levels. We would put DS into time-out on the stairs. DS would begin to move around or go from the third step to the first step and our pedi said that that was DS's way of saying, thanks for the time-out but I am still in control. He said to begin with the stairs and if that does not work, then put him in a high-chair (a chair that he does not eat in) and take away all of his freedom (i.e. he cannot walk away, etc.) Simply say, no bite, no hit, no fillintheblank and walk away. Do not yell, raise your voice, just pick him up and take him out of the situation. So far, it really makes DS stop and think. He told me that we should keep him in this form of time-out for two minutes or until he calms down (up to 15). We usually put him there for about five minutes (because it takes him a bit to calm down).
Good luck and know that you are not alone!
If it is time to stop watching Diego, or Dora, Eli will throw an all out fit. He will hit whatever is closest to him, and start screaming. We try to prepare him before we do something but it sometimes still ends in a fit. We try to ignore it and he will usually stop in a few seconds. If he doesn't, he will get a warning, and then go into time out. He does really well with time out. When he is done, he come off of his chair and apologizes and gives hugs.
We do pretty much what lola said...
I've read the books love and logic, the main principle is that when they misbehave the fun stops. We don't raise our voices, don't yell or nag, if she's out of line we sing the "uh-oh song" and she goes to her room. We shut the door and when she is calm she can come out. When she is finally calm we open the door and tell her that we are happy to see her again.
Check out the love and logic books, I especially recommend the toddler one
E
My child isn't as old as yours, but we are already into fit pitching territory. She has also started trying to hit people in the face...which I hate.
Honestly, I just ignore it. She has figured out really quickly that screaming/squealing/jumping up and down pretty much gets her put in the floor and ignored.
I will not be hit in the face...I can't stand it...it makes my blood boil. She isn't old enough to understand that, and I don't like yelling, so we have just decided to ignore it. It gets her to stop faster than anything else.
Have you ever heard that any attention...even negative attention...is good attention? Don't reward his bad behavior with attention.
I started the principles of 123 magic closer to 2. At this age, months matter. Ethan is also very verbal, but that doesn't mean he was able to understand consequence. I think consistancy is best until they really get the idea of a consequence, but using 123 magic has been a lifesaver for me with my 27 month old. I think he is normal, and is in that testing phase, so keep doing what you are doing, be consistant, and use 123 Magic when he is closer to 2!