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Toddlers: 24 Months+
Speaking of toddlers not listing - re: safety
Lily hates riding in a stroller or a grocery cart. She's a big girl, you know! So she does great holding my hand, but then she will just take off and start running. This has happened twice in the past week in potentially dangerous situations -- once when we were near a busy road, and today in a parking lot. When I scream, "STOP!" she thinks it's a game, and runs faster.
Today, after she took off in the parking lot at Trader Joe's, I was angry and I told her so. She was pretty upset. On the way home we were quiet and then she said, "Are you frustrated, mama?" And I told her I was angry and that it scared me when she didn't listen and ran from me. She repeated exactly what I said. I know she understands, but how to make her actually do it?
Advice? Ideas? I'm all ears because this is really scary for me. I had this thought today of, "Oh my god. What would I do if I had a baby with me?" I mean, I had to drop everything to chase her in the d*mn parking lot.
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Re: Speaking of toddlers not listing - re: safety
I have explained to ds what could happen (not graphic terms but in kid terms) if he ran away from me such as into the road/parking lot and if he starts running there I say really loud in a stern voice "DANGER!" and he stops.
He knows that if he gets hurt in a parking lot/the street he'll have to go to the hospital because he'll have big owies and he always says "no hosibal big owies"
I've started the "what do we do when we cross the road....we look left, look right and look left again..then say, any cars?" To teach him about the dangers of going into the street and every time we get to the road at our dcp's house he's always repeating "look left, look right, look left, any cars? cross a road"
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Have you taught her about street safety? Does she understand the significance of the curb and sidewalk vs. the street and parking lot?
I've been pointing out the "line" between the end of our driveway and the street, the curb and the street, the sidewalk and the parking lot, etc. to DS for more than a year.
I'm not saying it's too late for you to do it, just wondering if you've ingrained this idea in your LOs head. He's heard me say "you need to be with momma if you're in the road" or "you need to have momma's hand while you're in the parking lot" probably a thousand times. I may chase him all over the house until I'm out of breath, unfortunately, but when' we're out and I say "stop - that's the street" or "take momma's hand, we're in the parking lot" in a firm tone, he listens.
I agree when it comes to safety.
In your case OP, I would make a trip to the store tomorrow with her in the cart (unwillingly and perhaps causing a scene), reminding her that she is in the cart because she ran.
And then next time I may continue with the cart. You CAN make her - you are the parent, after all.
Then gradually we would try again with the hand holding thing. But I know that I have a pretty tight grip on my DD's hand when we are holding hands in those types of situations. She couldn't release and run from me very easily.
GL
I know that everyone is very anti-spanking but this is a situation where I felt it warranted it. I have had to give her exactly one swat on the rump when she ran away in a parking lot (after multiple situations like your where talking got us no where) and I'm so glad I did now with DD#2 here. All I have to say is "You walk with Mommy or you get a spanking" and DD#1 says "oh its dangerous!" Flame away but my DD is not getting run over in the parking lot!
ETA: after reading the responses I have to say that we have tried these safety conversations but as smart as a toddler may be, they don't get consequences they have not experienced. Getting 'run over by a car' might scare them for a little while but they don't fully get it and might test it at some point. I know my DD did and now that she has a tangible consequence in her mind, she is more aware of her behavior.
If DS wasn't scared about cars hitting him then he is scared about a spanking. I have no issues with spankings when safety is involved. I rather my child alive then have others judge me because he got a swat on the butt. He has gotten spanked 2 times in his life and he has never done those things again.
We've been working on this a looong time with DD1 b/c you're right -- DD2 really slows me down and if DD1 bolted, I might have a hard time catching her fast enough.
Every time we get in and out of the car, it's immediate hand-holding, and I explain almost every time that we HAVE to hold hands, b/c we're in a parking lot, and it's dangerous. Then I coach her through repeating it. Even if she tries to pull away, I keep a grip on her arm/wrist or whatever and keep repeating that we're in a parking lot and it's dangerous, and a car could come and hurt her, she needs to stay with Mama, etc.
I'm also not above using her favorite TV show to make the point. There's a YGG episode about cars, where two of the characters almost get hit and they explain that you don't play in the street, cars and trucks are dangerous, you need to watch out for them, etc.
So I remind her of that and keep up a little patter about it. "Remember when Brobee and Toodee almost got hurt by the car? That's why we hold hands, because a car could come and you could get hurt. Plex says that cars and trucks are ______." I let her fill in the blank with the word "dangerous."
She repeats a lot of that patter when we're in a parking lot now. I also always, always load DD1 into the car first and take her out last (now that I have two), so she has no chance to bolt while I'm getting my stuff and/or loading/unloading DD2. And if she can't listen, then she goes into a cart or the stroller -- even if she screams and hates it.
DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
Same here. I have never had act on my threat again, a warning or a reminder before hand works wonders. And it's not even like I spanked her hard at all, I'm rougher on her when play! It just shocked her.