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Blended Families
Letter to school counselor WDYT
I haven't talked with DH yet about this so it won't be sent until I do and he agrees, but I wanted to get something written up. We've talked with our church elders etc. and followed their advice, but I think we need to go here.
Dear school counselor,
Thank you for taking a few moments to help two parents struggling with
a teenage boy. We love our son and want what is best for him which is
why I am writing to you today.
We have been struggling for several years with our son in the area of
lying. He is not a bad boy in that he does not drink, do drugs, party
etc. What he does do is consistently lie to us. Sometimes it is about
things he would be in trouble for, sometimes not. This is not an
occasional happening, and has been going on for a while now. I
understand that lying on occasion is a normal part of a the life of a
teen, but consistent lying can be a symptom of a larger problem so you
can understand why I am concerned.
I understand that often schools have resources to evaluate children
when these types of things crop up and was hoping you would be able to
point me in the right direction.
Thank you again for your time.
Sincerely,
evil step mother
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Letter to school counselor WDYT
I don't know - I kind of feel like you're taking it too far. Kids lie - they just do. They don't even have a reason a lot of times...getting the school involved feels like a bit too much.
Just my .02
I totally understand your frustration, as we go through that with my SD (and my SSs to some extent) all the time. The only thing I can think of is that with our kids, when they get busted, we do usually say - ok, this is what the punishment would have been for just what they did wrong, here's the punishment for lying about it, and its generally being grounded.
I don't know of a better way. But I do get how annoying it is when you're trying to teach him to be honest. Especially when it appears that you are very involved in your church and everything. Did you say he's talked to the youth pastor or anything?
hi,
I dont usually post on here, but I read your post and thought I could offer some input. I'm a special ed teacher, and problems like this come up often. What you need to do is first speak with his teacher (although you probably have), and see if he/she shares the concern. Then, you need to request what's called a "psych eval" or "ed-pysch eval". BY LAW, the school has to recommend him to be evaluated by the school psychologist (not counselor) with no cost to you. There are many things the school can do to help, and the federal law mandates it. Let me know if you have any questions and I hope this helps!
I would no put it in writing b/c they will keep it on file. I would just make an appointment to see the counselor and maybe even the Vice Principal (you would be shocked how great the VP was when we were dealing with SD.) Now that I think about it, the guidance counselor was useless but the school psychologist (different name now but you get what I mean) was great, she is trained for things like this and the guindance counselor inds really geared to helping kids with school. You are looking for any suggestions and for people to be aware so they can communicate.
As a side note, I would not state that he's generally a good kid that does not drink or do drugs, unless you test him regularly you are assuming this based on your knowledge and it might be wrong. We did not know SD was doing drugs for a while after she was - at least 2 months of doing it regularly. Don't make assumptions but if you open communication with the school they can let you know what they see going on and keep an eye out. I am not saying he is doing anything wrong besides lying but if he is you would be shocked what the school knows...the VP knew my SD smoked pot before we did and no, we were never contacted since it is not like she caught her in the act.
Just out of curiosity, when you catch him in a lie and confront him with it, whatdoes he say? What is his reasoning for lying?
OH, if he's given you good reasons, I'm going to be SO bummed. My SKs can never tell you WHY they lied. All we ever get is a shrug. Sometimes, it's obviously becuase they knew they'd be in trouble for whatever. But...other times, when they're just lying about dumb things? No reason.
I am a school counselor...to me it seems like you are scapegoating the kid for larger problems. Kids lie. I am 99% sure that there is nothing wrong with him.
I'm not going to get into an argument with you...I was giving you my professional opinion...I have worked with tons of families and have found that usually there is no such thing as a "problem kid," the problems that the kid is displaying are simply symptoms of larger family problems.
Google "family systems theory" for some insight.