Nbr: what do I say?

JenniferTCU · October 2010

My cousin (I guess that's what he is? he's my stepdad's nephew) killed his wife and then killed himself. It was pretty horrific as he stabbed them both. Apparently they had been having problems for a while. It happened a few days ago but the police were just called yesterday after he had misse a few days of work. It's just all so terrible.

What do I say to my aunt? This was her only child. He was my age. My heart is so broken for everyone.

robynlesley · October 2010

Oh, Jen, how tragic.

I don't know... I think take your cues from your aunt. Saying that your heart is breaking for her is actually a very good thing to say.

Kandie35 · October 2010

robynlesley:
Oh, Jen, how tragic.
I don't know... I think take your cues from your aunt. Saying that your heart is breaking for her is actually a very good thing to say.

This.

I had this happen in my family as well. My cousin's husband shot her and then himself in front of my aunt and cousin (her mother and sister). It was terrible and there really is nothing to do but be supportive and let them grieve in the company and arms of their loved ones.

My heart is with you and your family during this time of tragedy and heartache.

KD288 · October 2010

robynlesley:

Oh, Jen, how tragic.

I don't know... I think take your cues from your aunt. Saying that your heart is breaking for her is actually a very good thing to say.

OMG! Jen I am so sorry. I think both Robyn and Kandie gave great advice.

M.Amy · October 2010

Jen, I am so sorry. What a tragedy.

When my cousin committed suicide what struck me the most was how much my aunt and uncle missed their son. My very conservative, southern uncle admitted to me that he went into their basement every day to cry.

No matter what horrific act your cousin committed, he was still her son and she will always miss him. Maybe let her know that she still has a right to be sad.

Kandie35 · October 2010

M.Amy:

No matter what horrific act your cousin committed, he was still her son and she will always miss him. Maybe let her know that she still has a right to be sad.

This too. My cousin's husband's family was mortified by his actions. They were too ashamed to even show up to my cousin's funeral. This is a very sensitive situation.

daisydana · October 2010

M.Amy:
No matter what horrific act your cousin committed, he was still her son and she will always miss him.

This & ....

The whole family is bound to have such deep conflicting feelings. There will be shame mixed and co-mingled with so many *regular* grieving emotions. If you want, you can tell her that you will always remember him as he was (x) years ago (whenever the last you saw him). Just to show her he won't be defined by his mental illness and death.

Sorry honey. That is really a tough one. How are YOU feeling? Aside from worrying about your aunt?

Piranha54 · October 2010

Oh, I am so sorry. I have nothing to add to the pp. What a tragedy for all.

JennRN65 · October 2010

I have nothing to add to PP but I did want to tell you I'm very sorry for what you and your family are going thru.

NewMrs07 · October 2010

robynlesley:
Oh, Jen, how tragic.
I don't know... I think take your cues from your aunt. Saying that your heart is breaking for her is actually a very good thing to say.

This. What a tragedy, I can't imagine! Left Hug

JenniferTCU · October 2010

I called and she was too upset to talk so I just talked to her husband. He said she was doing better than expected. I just told him that I was so very sorry and would travel to WV or FL (not sure where the funeral will be held) for the funeral.

I haven't seen or talked to him in years. He was a nice guy- pretty introverted- but a nice, all around guy. He lived at my parents house for a while when he was a golf pro in Dallas. I'm okay- just worried about my aunt.

You know what's scary to me? When DH was trying to talk me into another child, he said that "if something ever happened..." (I can't finish that sentence). I guess I can see his point as I would be devastated if...well, you know. The only thing I can think about is the fact that my aunt has no children now. It just breaks my heart.

stever · October 2010

I'm so sorry Jen! And I have no idea what to say.

Left Hug

mama.bear · October 2010

How painful. I'm so sorry. What a tragedy.

regardless of the circumstances I think it's always OK to say you're sorry if nothing else.

Left Hug

busybea · October 2010

oh Jen, how awful.... I am so sorry. I think that offering your condolences now and then following up later to see how she is doing and then staying in touch somehow here and there is really the best that you can do.

Pesky · October 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jen!! I think the others gave really good advice about how to approach your aunt and you are being sensitive to her cues. Left Hug

fiazo · October 2010

Oh I'm so sorry. That is terrible. Your poor aunt. PP's had good advice. I'm sure your kind words will be appreciated by her.

Luvmytwogirls · October 2010

I'm sorry your family is going through this. T & Ps to you and your entire family!

indianasunshine · October 2010

I am so sorry, Jen. I would have no idea what to say either. I think the other ladies have some good ideas. So sorry your family is going through this. I can't imagine the conflicting emotions.

peeper72 · October 2010

KD288:
robynlesley:

Oh, Jen, how tragic.

I don't know... I think take your cues from your aunt. Saying that your heart is breaking for her is actually a very good thing to say.

OMG! Jen I am so sorry. I think both Robyn and Kandie gave great advice.

Yep. Oh gosh, that is so terrible. Your poor aunt...

superaunt · October 2010

JenniferTCU:
I called and she was too upset to talk so I just talked to her husband. He said she was doing better than expected. I just told him that I was so very sorry and would travel to WV or FL (not sure where the funeral will be held) for the funeral.

I haven't seen or talked to him in years. He was a nice guy- pretty introverted- but a nice, all around guy. He lived at my parents house for a while when he was a golf pro in Dallas. I'm okay- just worried about my aunt.

You know what's scary to me? When DH was trying to talk me into another child, he said that "if something ever happened..." (I can't finish that sentence). I guess I can see his point as I would be devastated if...well, you know. The only thing I can think about is the fact that my aunt has no children now. It just breaks my heart.

I'm so sorry for your family's loss.