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3rd Trimester
~*Mrs.Gallegos*~
Am I right or am I wrong?(long)
Ok. So I am one day past my due date( so frustrated 
) and me and DF have had our whole birth plan and everything set up the way that we want it for a month or more now,We have been in agreement and are just waiting on baby to arrive. Well today his parents came over to our house.They rarely ever come over but we don't argue or fight or anything,we are just not very close to them. Anyways out of nowhere his mom says that she needs to ask us a question and we say ok,and she says so if I show up during the birth would you be mad and kick me out? DF knows that in our birth plan we had already previously agreed that she and her husband and the rest of the family would come a few hours after LO has been born and instead of saying we will talk about it and let you know or something ANYTHING he back pedals and looks at me and says would you kick my mom out babe? I am like SERIOUSLY!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!? (in my head of course) So once they leave I tell him that I didn't like how he totally threw me under the bus when we already had an agreement that's been set in stone. I mean it's not like we still have months and months for me to get accustomed to a change in the birth plan! It's any day now! He then tells me that he did agree but he agreed when he was mad at her about something and that's why he agreed to not having her there but he actually changed his mind a while ago. The fact that he changed his mind isn't the problem here, the problem is that we have since the agreement talked it over many other times just me and him and also with the MW's and he has had plenty of opportunity to say that he changed his mind and we needed to rediscuss this and try to make a compromise or something, which I wouldn't have had a problem with a month ago or maybe even a few weeks ago! But not any day before the baby is going to be here! It made me feel like I didn't have his full support and like he was lying to me this whole time when I have been asking him if he was ok with everything and he has been telling my yes. I have never been the type that was worried about being "politically correct" when it comes to not wanting to be rude about having someone there that I really didn't want to be there. I have always said this is my birth and I need to do what feels right for me and LO, even more so since we are doing this at home with no drugs and not being completely comfortable with everything can really stall out your labor and make things much harder on you, and up until today I thought I had DF's support on this,but now that he is saying he has changed his mind I'm not sure what to do? Do i just sacrifice the birth that I want knowing that maybe I won't even be able to do this because I am so uncomfortable? Or do I stick with the birth plan and do what we said we were going to? After al I am the one who is having this baby. I don't ever have any problems with his mom, I do like her but we are just not close enough for me to want her to be there seeing me at my worst. She really is a sweet woman, but I just don't want her there, it would be very awkward for me. Me and DF talked about it and he said that he would call her and tell her that we are sticking with the original birth plan (She is already aware that they weren't supposed to show up until after the birth) but I don't want him to do that either because he already made me look like the bad guy and she will know that it's me that doesn't want her there instead of it being a joint decision. She is a very sensetive person and I know that for the rest of my life she will always be timid and act weird about everything like "well I don't know if I can hold the baby because your wife doesn't like me" sort of thing when it's not even like that at all. So he said that we just wouldn't call and tell them that I am in labor and then I won't have to worry about it, and part of me wants to just say cool and move on but I also don't want to bulldoze his feelings and make him think that what he wants doesn't matter, because it does. I am just really confused and need some advice/support from you ladies. If you're gonna flame don't bother replying cause I don't need that Sh*t today. TIA
~*Mrs.Gallegos*~This discussion has been closed.
Re: Am I right or am I wrong?(long)
I dont blame you at all. I t hink it was very upsetting that he didnt keep his agreement with you. I know he didnt want to hurt his moms feelings, but this was your plan.
My IL's have been totally ok with this up until last day or so,.. suddenly I hear H laughing and he is trying to explain to his mom that its just going to be me and him, and apparently his grandma,mom,aunt and SIL want to all come in the room, oh and his dad.... NOT HAPPENING!
I'll start by saying that I didn't read the entire post (sorry, it really was long and paragraph-free) but I think I get the gist.
My thoughts - giving birth is something that YOU are doing. If you are not comfortable with your MIL there, then she doesn't belong there. This isn't you "withholding your LO" from her - this is you having the *private* delivery that you are comfortable with. Completely reasonable.
If she's seriously going to hold this against you "for life" - she's got bigger problems than you can really tackle.
Your husband is offering to following through on the birthplan as you agreed to it. Take him up on his offer. Don't overthink it - it's what you want, and he's willing to do it, problem solved.
Good luck, and fwiw, I would murder my husband if he tried to allow his mother to be at my son's delivery.
~EDD Nov 18, 2017 with my IUI success story~
[spoiler]
Ok, that is entirely too long to read without paragraphs. I made it through about 10 lines and got the gist.
Short answer: that was crappy of him to go back on the birthplan in front of them. I don't care how sensitive someone is when it comes to things like this. If you don't want them in the room, they shouldn't be in the room. You don't make that kind of decision based on not hurting feelings. You make it based on who you are comfortable with having in the room. Stick with your original plan, and if she throws a fit/gets her feelings hurt, too bad for her. The end. Tell the nurses who you want in the room, and let them handle it from there.
Not trying to flame, but maybe you could edit & add paragraphs? It's just hard to read.
That aside, it's not very cool to throw you under the bus like that. It is hard to confront people when they get in your face & take you off guard like his mom did. Maybe you guys could just not call?? And just tell them that it all was "so quick" that you didn't have a chance?
Otherwise, your DF will have to suck ti up & call her about it. He could start out with "You caught me off guard, esp. since we'd already gone over this with you...." and end it with a firm "We're sticking with our original plan. Please respect our time as a new family."
And sorry you are having a rough day. I hope you guys get this sorted out in a positive way.
So...I read it! I did go a bit cross-eyed in the middle though.
I would stick by your original plan. Maybe have your DH bring up the fact that you want it to be private and you really are not comfortable with everyone seeing ALL of you. Even if you are not a modest person, I think you could totally play that hand and not have it seem as if you don't like her/want her there.
I know when I had #1 I didn't want people all up in my business, that hadn't seen it in years.
Brady Phoenix, 8.29.09
Claire Zoe, 10.26.10
Ok - paragraphs next time please! That hurt my eyes!
Anyways - I think you AND DH should talk to FMIL. Explain to her that while you wouldn't mind her being at the hospital in the waiting room, you don't want her to be in the delivery room. Just explain that you think you would feel more comfortable being alone and that she is more than welcome to see you, and the baby after the delivery.
I just find people pushing their way into someone else's birth annoying and rude, I just don't get it. Was her mother in law in the room with her when she gave birth to her son? I highly doubt it.
If that were me before dh could reply I would totally have said no one but me, your son and my mw, can I go with you to your next pap smear or mamogram? Didn't think so, thanks!
ITA!
Based on that post, I'd say you are already in labour. Holy smokes!
Listen, you are not 'the bad guy' if you don't want extra people attending the birth. You are the mother, and the mother gets to say who attends and who doesn't attend. One of the pp's said it very well re: your husband saying he was caught off guard and that you will be sticking to your original plan.
I'd just like to caution you against leaning too much on the birth plan. You mentioned it 2 or 3 times about "getting the birth you want". By all means control what you can - such as who attends the birth and what music (or lack thereof) will play and such. But labour and delivery are a natural event, you can't truly plan them. It'd be kinda like trying to plan puberty, you know?
I hope you get the natural home birth you want. Natural birth is a fantastic experience.
Best of luck. I truly do think that tirade is an early sign of labour.
You really need to work with DF on communication. This is not just about MIL in L&D, it's really about DF not communicating with you openly. That doesn't just miraculously get better. I would be *issed if my DH did something like this to me. I'd reconsider letting HIM be at my birth! :-)
Anyway, no, just say no to MIL in the birth room. Since he's the one who got her hopes up, he's the one who needs to dash them. You were clear about your expectations and he can't just go changing them because "he was mad" but "now he's not." Too bad for him.
And what's the deal with MIL springing, "Would you be mad if I showed up?" Um, people should wait to be invited, not invite themselves - especially to a birth. I don't care who you are. It sounds like you're currently surrounded by a gang of whiney selfishy selfishers. :-)
GL!
Where is your mom going to be? Sorry if you answered that - I did read the whole thing.
Can you just have DF tell your MIL that your mom would be hurt if she was not included, and you just can't have too many people in the room with you?
This would be one of those situations where I'd pull the "my vagina, my rules" card. Sorry. Things will be stressful enough without adding another person in the mix. Even if you had already decided it was okay for her to come, now that you haven't, it'll make it even more stressful. It was crappy for him to throw you under the bus like that, and I'd have to have a serious discussion about that. He probably just didn't want to have to be the one to break her heart about it, but the way she worded it to you, it sounds like she was already told that it would just be the two of you? I'd stick to your plan. Especially this late, because it's what you've expected, and you don't deserve to be disappointed for deviating from your plan.
Breleigh & Mason