thinking back to where I've been "in my head"......an excerpt

"I remember feeling physically and emotionally paralyzed for some unknown reason.  I was told that it wasn't because I didn't love my baby, per se....but because my mind was "fried" from sheer exhaustion.

I couldn't focus on listening to people's conversations to me....they were just words that didn't have any sentence structure....people could've been telling me the solution to finding world peace and it would be lost on me....I just wanted to sleep.  I didn't want to take care of myself or my baby or anything. 

Just sleep.  I don't care if the sleep was permanent....I wanted to give my baby to someone who would care and love unconditionally - not sit around and cry for hours until I felt faint from exhaustion and dehydration.  If I could only sleep and escape the sheer misery that engulfed me.

All this for having a baby.  While most women are "OVER THE MOON" with the new found thrill of motherhood, I was feeling overwhelmed, depressed, guilty, angry, resentful, jealous, sad, worried, nervous and scared.  I turned into someone unrecognizable almost overnight and have not returned to the old me since then. 

Each day gets better....or so they tell me... but I know I am not alone.  I am with many other beautiful, gifted and loving women who just lost the seat of their soul with the birth of their baby and are on a journey to find it and get it back.

I look forward to the day when I can breathe and believe in good again."