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Am I overreacting? Help...

bryellebbryelleb
in Natural Birth

I reeeeeeeaaally need to vent.

I currently live with my MIL. She pretty much has no knowledge of the natural, holistic way in which im trying to raise my son. She is awfully mainstream and old fashioned, and tends to put down things she doesn't understand, or want to try to understand because her way is right.

In the first few weeks of breastfeeding I quickly learned that LO is extremely sensitive to dairy. Im exclusively breastfeeding, but she seems to think that putting ice cream on her finger, and sticking it in his mouth when Im around the corner is the CUTEST thing ever....and Ohhh how much he likes it, and so on....She also continues to think he is ready for solids at 3 1/2 months (He doesnt even care about what we're eating, he just watches our faces!) Also, she keeps saying how he is ready for his own room. And she wanted to give him a bath one night, so I handed her his stuff which included organic castille soap....weeeellllll, this was too "crunchy granola" for her, and the next night she came home with johnsons fragranced soap stating " I wanted to wash him with this so he smells like a baby"  What the effffff!?!?!  The castille soap I have is unscented! What could make him smell more like a baby then his own clean scent!!!!    AGHHHHHH!!! ( I have nothing wrong with what soap you use on your babies, it was just the underminding I have a problem with)

The list can go on and on..... I had soooo much frustration with them (MIL and G-MIL) during the pregnancy because of the natural birth thing, but it just goes to show that it doesn't stop there......

Well,sorry for the vent ladies! Add on if you need too!!!

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Re: Am I overreacting? Help...

  • grnshdwgrnshdw
    OH wow!  I was good friends with an older woman when I had my son that was just like this.  I learned two things with time- first I distanced myself from her while he was young.  It was horrible at the time.  She was a Mom during a time when they did stuff like this- and they thought it was a good thing.  Can you find your own place?  That is probably way simpler typed than whatever is going on there.  How does your husband feel about all of this?  Since this is his Mom, is he best to handle the situation or have you tried to talk to her?
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  • ironmommyironmommy
    You are not overreacting, and I would be livid if someone gave my 3 months old even a taste of ice cream, let alone fragrance-ridden soap. But I do agree that it seems unlikely that you'll get much relief until you move out.
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  • mrsward4evermrsward4ever
    We moved in with my parents when DD was 8 mo. I was laid off and instead of continuing struggling to live pay check to paycheck in an apartment, my parents offered us to stay with them rent free so we could save up for  house-it took a year.  while we appreciated the generosity, we were going crazy! I don't know how many times I caught her drinking DIET SODA and eating cheap wholesale club DIET JELLO! and no matter how many times I reminded them that we were trying to keep her (and our) diets as natural and organic as possible (we even offered to take care of all groceries and dinner for the house as some sort of contribution, but it didn't stop them from buying their sodas, HFCS laden sweets, and those sugary kids cereal that turn the milk all sorts of colors :/  )  its hard to get openly angry at the person helping you put a roof over your family's head though.unfortunately  two different lifestyles is going to be nothing but headaches until there's two different homes .
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  • roundtheworldgirlroundtheworldgirl member

    Yuck.  My MIL is similar.  We discovered early on that my oldest daughter was allergic to dairy - very very very allergic.  My MIL did not believe that she was and kept trying to give her cow's milk (because she doesn't believe breastmilk is real nutrition for a baby over the age of four weeks).  I had to put my foot down hard because I knew MIL could do something that would be damaging to her health.  I admit it was not good for our relationship, but it's been about seven months since the latest argument and I think she is starting to understand that, even if she disagrees, she needs to respect my wishes and keep her mouth shut.

    Also, she found out today that we had done a homebirth with #2 (I guess DH was scared to tell her that we had done a second one), and she was asking me all these pushy questions suggesting that the reason I lost blood was because I gave birth at home.  I find it best to keep my answers short and to the point.  I don't want to talk to her about this!)

    Oh and P.S.: Um, he is a baby.  Therefore he smells like one.  

    Traveling the world with my girls - born 12 months and 18 days apart.
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  • HappyMommy28HappyMommy28 member
    Sorry you have to deal with her!  That would be so awful!  Maybe you should explain to her that if  your son is allergic to dairy than by her giving him even a little, could upset his tummy.  I think I would lose it.
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  • bryellebbryelleb

    Thanks for the advice ladies. Im glad to know it isnt just me.

    I am currently stuck for the time being, but Im defiantly trying to get on my own two feet. My boyfriend has a severe lack of motivation and is a big mamas boy, so I currently dont expect much from him.As of right now Im waiting on a breastpump from a friend, and filling out applications around town. Hopefully something will come through, and I wont have to post any more household complaints.... Tongue Tied

    Thanks again to all!!

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  • bryellebbryelleb
    imageroundtheworldgirl:

    Oh and P.S.: Um, he is a baby.  Therefore he smells like one.  

    Stick out tongue  Exactly!!

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  • SageBeginningsSageBeginnings

    You are NOT overreacting. In fact, I think you are under reacting and very civil/kind. Myself? I would be completely bonkers!

    I did have similar issues, with my own mom though, and simply laid down the rules for her... i.e. "ok mom, you had your chance to mother me, and I am sure you didn't want anyone undermining your parenting when I was little. Please respect me and my parenting, otherwise I will have to reconsider allowing you so much freedom with my child". 

     She got it after a 1 month 'grounding' where she was not allowed to see or sit for our kids.

    My MIL was similar but not horribly bad. She thought I was a tramp (even though dh was my first partner) and took my dd to get a paternity test without my knowledge. I ate her for lunch for that one. She never has stepped on my toes again. 

     Sorry, I digress. Needless to say, when you become a mother yourself, oftentimes it is hard for the MILs and DMs to understand boundaries. I agree that it would be best to be able to move out if possible. If that is not possible, perhaps sitting her down and laying your own ground rules. 

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