6 months (long vent)

ksulli · October 2010

It's been 6 months since my D&C.? I would have been 38 weeks along, putting finishing touches on a nursery,?washing and folding tiny clothes, and?rocking a huge bump, or maybe rocking a baby in my arms if (s)he was early.? It's so hard not to think?like that. ? We've been trying to get pregnant since last September (which I know is far shorter than many of you), and all?I have to show for it are empty medicine bottles, hospital bills, a "babys first teddy" that will never have?it's rightful owner,?and a broken heart.? On good days,?I know that?each failed cycle is bringing us one month closer to our take-home baby.? On bad days, I wonder if it will ever happen, and how far we'll go to make it happen.?My husband doesn't want to go the adoption route, and while I always had considered it an option, it's certainly not something I can push on him, or convince him about, that just wouldn't bode well for parenting issues that are bound to arise.? He doesn't even want to have the 'how far will we go' conversation until the time comes.? I can't help but think the time is here, although I know we won't change my treatment for another 6 months. ? I try to be thankful that I have a wonderful husband, a nice home, and relative health.? But I've always wanted a baby.? I wish I could be happy and satisfied with what I've been given, and I feel selfish to ask for more, but I can't see myself growing old without a family of my own. ? I'm so glad I found this place to vent (at times) and go through it all with you ladies, although I'm so sorry that we're all going through it. Sorry for the crappy formatting, I'm on an itouch. Thanks for reading.

Gummybear · October 2010

((hugs)) I think there are quite a few of us around that 6 month mark. It is so painful. I try so hard not to get stuck on it but it takes all the strength I have not to let it get to me. I pray that every one of us has success, and soon.

gracie5107 · October 2010

Big, big hugs to you.

AutumnLeavesFall · October 2010

((BIG HUGS)) I am past 6 months, almost to 7.. and it still hurts.

Kira98 · October 2010

I am so sorry. You are not being selfish for wanting to share your life with a child of your own. I am beyond grateful for my son, but I don't feel our family is complete. The waiting and uncertainty is excruciating at times. I hope & pray that you will get your take-home baby soon. (Hugs)

ColleenS629 · October 2010

Hugs! I hope you get your take-home baby soon!

ksulli · October 2010

Thanks ladies. It felt really good to get that all out there in writing & to know people 'get it'. I hope we're all able to get out of this holding pattern soon.

cutebride73 · October 2010

((((hugs)))) I understand completely. I have had 2 losses since January - although we were TTC for 7 months before I even got my first BFP. The 6 month anniversary of my D&C (2nd loss) was last Saturday and my EDD for my 1st loss was last Sunday. It's very hard to take and to think of the passage of time and all of the milestones you thought would be so different.

Try and stay strong and hopefully you will get a BFP and your take home baby very soon. I also hope that your DH will be willing to at least have the conversations you need to have. I know it's hard in a different way for men, but he needs to be sensitive to your needs too.

ksulli · October 2010

cutebride73:
(((( I also hope that your DH will be willing to at least have the conversations you need to have. I know it's hard in a different way for men, but he needs to be sensitive to your needs too.

Thanks- a huge part of me knows DH is right about the fact that we don't need to talk about shots, IUIs or IVF yet. I'm just such a planner that I'd like to know, but it won't change anything. I'm going to leave it on the table for a few more months until the reality of it gets a bit closer.

LilMaggs · October 2010

*hugs* This really is a hard road to walk. I am crossing my fingers and hoping for a BFP for you soon!

jesslw · October 2010

I'm sorry. I would be around the 18/19 week mark right now and I'm starting to think about how I would be showing by now, working on my registry and going for my big u/s and finding out the sex of my baby. It's a hard time for me and I can imagine thinking about your should-be nursery, big bump and impending labor and delivery would be extra hard. None of this is easy and I'm dreading that and my EDD in March. DH and I were trying for almost three years before I got my first BFP that led to the baby we lost and I'm scared about never getting pg again either or what we may have to consider doing to get a baby. My DH isn't open to adoption either and IVF and other similar options are out because of the cost. I'm new to the whole TTCAL thing and this is my first TTC month after my m/c so what I'm feeling probably doesn't even compare to what all of you ladies are feeling when you've been trying much longer, but I try to take it one day at a time and ultimately one cycle at a time. It breaks my heart that we can't all just have the babies we were supposed to have and how hard and unfair it is to have to try so hard to get pg or have a healthy baby. Big hugs to you. I hope your BFP is in the very near future!