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TTC After a Loss
Feeling really really down today (sort of long)
In addition to the fact that today is October 15 and I am thinking of my loss and all of yours I am really upset with DH.
We are technically on our second cycle TTC after the m/c. I decided not to temp, chart or do OPKs for the time being. I just count days from my cycles, check CM and keep track of days that we BD. After the BFN last month I told DH that I wanted to try to BD every other day from the last day of my cycle to the first day of my next cycle or a BFP. He agreed.
Two nights ago on what should have been a BD night he got grumpy and said that he didn't want to BD because "scheduling it" made it no fun and not romantic. So, no BD that night. It really hurt my feelings. I tried to explain that I didn't feel I was asking for too much and that I wasn't even doing a lot of the things that others did to get PG.
Last night we revisited (with hurt feelings still on my part) and basically still disagreed....again no BD. Ugh!! Now I totally feel like this cycle is going to be a bust.
I think the bottom line is that he still wants our sex life to be good without thinking that I am just wanting to do it for conception. I don't know how to make him feel loved and wanted in a sexual way without him thinking I just want his swimmers. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
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Re: Feeling really really down today (sort of long)
It definately becomes difficult to combine FWP and romance. We seem to sometimes get obsessed with it. I do, at least.
I don't have much advice, b/c DH has felt the same way, too.
Good luck.
My DH has told me many times he feels like I just want sex to get pregnant, to which I replied "It's sex!! What do you care what my motivation is?!" I don't even tell him anymore whether we are doing it to do it or if we are FWP. I'll just lay my business out there and say that my DH is VERY visual so I spice it up with sexy attire and it always gets him in the mood.
I'm sorry you're feeling down ((((hugs))))
DH and I had that same conversation recently - we've decided to use this time to mix things up a bit. He let me know some things that he's interested in and we're going to give some of them a try (i.e. fantasy role play, dress up [mostly lengerie on my part lol], new positions, new places, etc.). We're also trying to do more relationship building - date nights, meaningful conversations, sharing feelings, finding new hobbies to do together, etc. By exploring new things and getting back to focusing on our relationship, it has made BDing or FWP seem like much less of a chore and much more about us.
I hope you guys find something that works for you!
DH has made comments like this....
Here's how I feel: We BOTH want a baby. That's just what you have to do to get there. We'd probably be having much less sex if we weren't TTC. On occassions it's going to be awesome and romantic, but if you're doing it every other day there's no way to prevent boredom or feeling like it's a scheduled event- it is! The fact that we have to carry the baby for 9 months, we had to go through a m/c, we have to go through labor.... HELLO.... all we ask is for you to just have sex with us! How hard is that?! If DH whines this time around I will literally kick his a**. Having a baby is hard work for BOTH of us!
Bah!
BFP#1: 7/23/10, EDD 4/1/11, MC/DNC 9/29/10(14wks)
BFP#2: 1/12/11 CP (6 Weeks)
BFP#3: 6/26/11, EDD 3/4/12, Natural MC 8/5/11 (10wks)
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