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May 2011 Moms
Pregnancy secret betrayed by a friend?
Hi May Mommies........ Small vent with question.... DH and I had our 1st doctor's appt last Thursday and were so excited. That night we finally told our parents and siblings and each of our best friends and bosses (and that's it). We also had a wedding to attend last Saturday, with A LOT of my friends and coworkers in attendance. I thought it would be better to tell 2 close friends and have them help me hide my lack of drinking than probably be called out, so we told 2 close friends with whom we were sitting and the night was successful. We stressed how important it was that it be kept secret and that we weren't going public until the end of the 1st trimester.
So last night, my boss (who is also a friend...and goes to the dance studio where I teach her children) called me to say that this woman (I'll call her "CB") called her to ask if I was pregnant because she heard I was. Then she went on to give very specific details about my May due date and how and when I was going public (I have a whole plan to tell my students after their first show). "CB" used to attend my dance studio but doesn't any longer....but IS a friend of one of the girls I told before the wedding last week. Because of her specificity, I can only assume my friend told CB (who now knows before some of MY closest friends...and is spreading the news apparently!). My boss (love her!) denied knowing anything and immediately told me.
So now what am I supposed to do? I am SO upset, and I usually do not get easily ruffled. This is our 1st pregnancy and a very big personal secret for us. I trusted my friend to help me keep it a secret, and now it turns out she is telling people who I don't even care about. Why would she do that? Should I say something to her? What would you girls say? Sorry this got so long; I just never expected to be betrayed like this about something so important.
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Re: Pregnancy secret betrayed by a friend?
Well you only have a few more weeks till the end of the 1st trimester. I would probably confront your friend and let her know that its not cool and your are hurt by her betrayal and to PLEASE not tell any more people.
That really sucks and I would be hurt too!
sorry this has happened. But unfortunately when you tell one friend the information starts leaking.... babies are exciting stuff and people are so overwhelmed by joy the information just spills out. Do not take it badly...but happily....obivously she is super happy and can not contain herself.
We found this out with our first pregnancy. Our parents were so excited they were telling everyone....at that point I just gave up and said yes we are expecting and basketed in the moments and joys.
Enjoy the pregnancy!!! Tell the world becuase it is a beautiful thing!
My "best" friend did this, and told just about everyone we worked with. Including my boss. The best part was, she said things like, "Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean she gets to be a b!tch." When she was the one being a biznotch in the first place.
But anyway, I never confronted my friend, the damage was done, and she wouldn't admit to it anyway. If I were you I would tell her that you are very dissappointed in her behavior, that you trusted her with a very personal, very important secret, and you feel betrayed. That now you know for next time that she is not the friend you thought she was, and can't be trusted with personal information. You would prefer your closer friends didn't feel slighted because acquaintances found out before they did, and that telling people took something joyful away from you. It's your baby, and you deserve to have people congratulate you, not tell you that they already know.
I would be really annoyed...I just don't get why people repeat things when they are told not to. Especially when it has nothing to do with them and is clearly sensitive to you. The exception to this, in my opinion, is that you can't ever expect someone not to tell their spouse something. But that doesn't apply here obviously. I would confront her...get it off your chest. You are mature enough not to yell at her, but telling her what she did is wrong is completely something I would do too. With both this pregnancy and last, we told a few very close friends in the first tri, and though I can't be certain they did, I do think they kept our confidence. Good luck!
Oh, and yay, for being so close to being done with the first tri!
I would say something, considering that she's a "close" friend and you stressed the importance of keeping it on the DL.
And would people at a wedding really notice if you weren't drinking alcohol? I never understood this. I've never once paid attention to what anybody was consuming at an event.
I'm sorry that happened. I can't imagine how upsetting it would be to trust your friends with your secret, tell them not to tell, and they tell anyway.
I would definitely confront your friend about it. I'm passive aggressive so I would go with something like "The strangest thing happened the other day, CB called and asked my boss if I was pregnant and knew my due date and everything!" Just to see what she says. That gives her the opportunity to confess and if she doesn't I would follow up with "the weirdest part is that you are the only person I told who she knows!"
Hopefully if you can reaffirm to your friend that it's a secret she will be able to keep her mouth shut for the next few weeks. Remind her that she is going to have the next 6 months to talk about it, you just need her to keep quiet for a little bit longer.
Ask your boss and anyone else who finds out to keep it a secret and it will hopefully slow down the rumor mill. Then call your friend and ask her if she did it. Whether she admits it or denies it and blames someone else, tell her how hurt you are by it and remind her that it is a secret. Some people just can't keep secrets, even if they may be a good friend otherwise. Just don't tell her any more secrets. Today I told my team at work because they were suspicious and I already told my bosses and didn't want them to find out from someone else. I told them that I did not want the whole office to know yet, so please keep it to themselves. Immediately after, as we are walking out of the conference room, my co-worker yells jokingly, "WATCH OUT, PREGNANT LADY COMING THROUGH!" Luckily nobody was in the hallway and I don't think anyone heard.
Thanks ladies. I did confront her this evening - just asked her flat out if she spilled and told her what I knew (that CB was texting people asking and sharing she details she knew). She completely denied it.....but I gotta say I honestly don't think I believe her. Which is kinda sad. She's the only one with the connection to the other woman, except for my boss, who told me about it and showed me all her text messages from CB this morning.
But after I expressed how upset I was about it, I hope she at least feels badly and won't share again. Hopefully this can all remain secret for another 3 weeks (holy cow is that all there's left until 2nd tri?!?!). Then I can celebrate publicly
Good luck to you ladies who are still trying to keep it on the DL!
You can't guarantee your friend won't gab, but you can expect them not to.
She shouldn't be off the hook just because it's exciting news to share or she was so happy for them. It's not HER news to share!
If one of my close friends told me they were pregnant and wanted to keep it secret, I wouldn't DREAM of telling anyone. Ever. That's a HUGE violation of trust.