Hate fighting with my Mom! (Re:Smoking in the house)

Mrslove78 · October 2010

My Mom and Dad smoke in the house, and have for 35 years! It is nasty, and DS has never been to their house. We go there sometimes, but just hang out on the deck and they don't smoke around him outside. We live 1.5 hours away, so I don't ever go there these days, it's just too much work; it would be different if they didn't smoke. Well, my Mom agrees with me about the smoking (or so she says), my Dad thinks I'm over-pretective. Fine, he can have his opinion, well, the other day my Mom called to complain to me that my Dad just doesn't understand why I won't come over... I said "well, you can tell him that THESE days if me and my sister were children living in that house, CPS would take us away". I had no idea this would set her off. This is unlike her to hang up on me, she won't even talk to me now. =( This just sucks. My sister and I both had athsma and other smoke related issues that no longer exist now that we're out of the house. I'm so mad, and so upset for her being upset with me... but I'll never change my opinion regarding second hand smoke around my children.

jessicaclare · October 2010

While I am in agreement with you about smoking in the house and having your LO around it, I don't know why you would have told your mom CPS would have taken you away. They wouldn't. Smoking in the hosue around kids is stupid, sure, but its not abuse. That was an INCREDIBLY hurtful thing to say to your mom. How would you feel if someone told you that CPS would take away your child from something like that?

MrsBatty · October 2010

I'm with you 100%. Sounds like they need to get over themselves and grow up. If they want you to come over so badly then they can make changes that will make that possible.

Good for you for keeping your LO out of there.

Sweetgurl6630@yahoo.com · October 2010

My parents live back in my home state of MN and we are here in AZ. They have smoked in their house for 26 years. Well when I first went to their house when I was pregnant (12 weeks) I laid out my argument about how I won't stay at their house or expose my child to their house because of the smoking. My mom and I argued but in the end they agreed. So from then on they always go outside no matter what. I can't guarantee they don't continue on when we are not there, but the house smells so much better and I'm fine with being there now. I know there is still 3rd hand smoke in the house, but it's better than before.

MrsBatty · October 2010

jessicaclare:
While I am in agreement with you about smoking in the house and having your LO around it, I don't know why you would have told your mom CPS would have taken you away. They wouldn't. Smoking in the hosue around kids is stupid, sure, but its not abuse. That was an INCREDIBLY hurtful thing to say to your mom. How would you feel if someone told you that CPS would take away your child from something like that?

I'm sorry, but boo frickin hoo. Seriously.

Violet's Mommy · October 2010

I"m sorry! I am right there with you though..my parents both smoked my whole life there are videos and photos of them holding us as babies with one lit up in their mouth, I find it disgusting. I DO NOT allow smoking around DD and (thankfully) they have (for the most part) respected my wishes, there has been a time when my dad would start to light one up around her and I either ask him to leave outside or take DD away. I have gotten rude words from my mother before but I think most of that is past us now, I hope. Perhaps it was just the way you said it that hurt your mother feelings (though I'm sure I would've said the same thing or along the lines) Either way, I'm sorry and hope you guys work it out soon!

jessicaclare · October 2010

MrsBatty:

jessicaclare:
While I am in agreement with you about smoking in the house and having your LO around it, I don't know why you would have told your mom CPS would have taken you away. They wouldn't. Smoking in the hosue around kids is stupid, sure, but its not abuse. That was an INCREDIBLY hurtful thing to say to your mom. How would you feel if someone told you that CPS would take away your child from something like that?

I'm sorry, but boo frickin hoo. Seriously.

Really? Its totally ok to tell your mother CPS would have taken you away as a kid for something like this? There are a million sound arguments to use in this situation. Insulting your mom and then wondering why she's so upset is just not logical to me.

FWIW, we told our ILs the same thing when we had DD1. They were resistent but we stood our ground. I'd never DREAM of telling MIL CPS would have taken her kids away over it though. Its just rude.

KathrynMD · October 2010

LOL that CPS would have taken you away if your parents smoked around you now. You knwo there are kids whose parents beat them black and blue and don't feed them for days or lock them in closets, etc. Smoking around your kid is not the best idea, but there are alot worse things parents could do to their kids.

I get your point, but you are being overly dramatic and kinda mean to your mom. Your mom needs to get over it too and not smoke around your LO.

FWIW - my parents smoked around me all the time when I was a kid (as did their parents before them) and I had asthma and still do. My dad still smokes and my mom smokes occassionally, but they don't smoke around DD and they don't smoke inside their house either, but they did until about 3 years ago. We still visit their house - but we don't stay for hours and hours either, and DD spends the night there once every few months.

ljlkm · October 2010

jessicaclare:
While I am in agreement with you about smoking in the house and having your LO around it, I don't know why you would have told your mom CPS would have taken you away. They wouldn't. Smoking in the hosue around kids is stupid, sure, but its not abuse. That was an INCREDIBLY hurtful thing to say to your mom. How would you feel if someone told you that CPS would take away your child from something like that?

I agree. Although I completely agree with OP's decision, there are about 1000 better ways to convey it.

Mrslove78 · October 2010

Over dramatic, sure. But, it is true... it is considered neglect to smoke around your children when that smoking causes them to be unable to breath. Then, no one would have taken us away, but today it would be different.

sunnyday016 · October 2010

jessicaclare:
While I am in agreement with you about smoking in the house and having your LO around it, I don't know why you would have told your mom CPS would have taken you away. They wouldn't. Smoking in the hosue around kids is stupid, sure, but its not abuse. That was an INCREDIBLY hurtful thing to say to your mom. How would you feel if someone told you that CPS would take away your child from something like that?

ITA. I get that you (OP) were speaking in anger, but I think the CPS thing took it a little far and was a bit dramatic.

OP, I think it's awesome that you've stuck your ground on this. Your parents need to respect your wishes and they need to decide what is more important to them: smoking or spending time with your family. I think the only thing you have to apologize for is the CPS thing. Your parents, on the other hand, owe you an apology for making you feel guilty about putting your child's health above their smoking habits.

DEBBIE33CASEY · October 2010

I have pretty severe asthma and my ILs say i'm making it up so we don't have to visit. it's frustrating but i feel like some smokers don't get it. It's nothing personal against my ILs or your parents, but it can be such a heated topic.

I agree that you probably didn't have to call the CPS card but I can understand your mutual frustration. I would appologize her her for that comment but make your feelings clear about the smoking issue if necessary.

Mrslove78 · October 2010

DEBBIE33CASEY:

I have pretty severe asthma and my ILs say i'm making it up so we don't have to visit. it's frustrating but i feel like some smokers don't get it. It's nothing personal against my ILs or your parents, but it can be such a heated topic.

I agree that you probably didn't have to call the CPS card but I can understand your mutual frustration. I would appologize her her for that comment but make your feelings clear about the smoking issue if necessary.

Yea, smoking is not good for asthma! I'm lucky that I don't have it anymorenow that I don't live in their house. Sorry you have it, it is a really hard thing to live with. =(

I'm really pregnant, and deserve to be a bit over-dramatic, don't I? ;-) I did already leave her a message saying I was sorry for hurting her feelings, and that I want them to see my DS and the baby that is coming as much as possible, and that they are always welcome at MY house.

aajfoster · October 2010

Mrslove78:

Over dramatic, sure. But, it is true... it is considered neglect to smoke around your children when that smoking causes them to be unable to breath. Then, no one would have taken us away, but today it would be different.

Where do you live that CPS would take your kids if you smoked around them?

AMYfromKY · October 2010

It takes A LOT for CPS to take kids away. I mean the sad fact is you can do drugs in your house and CPS will often leave the kids there. There are too many more serious and pressing cases they have to deal with.

With that being said, I would most definitely stand my ground about not going over there. My brother smokes occasionally when he's out with his friends and he knows if we are visiting my family he is to take a shower and brush his teeth before he even touches H. Once he held him before taking a shower and I took H away from him. My dad got angry at me, but my mom said I did the right thing. My brother knew he broke the rules so he wasn't upset.

josswhedon · October 2010

She probably just had her feelings hurt because she felt like you called her a bad mother for smoking in front of you that's all.

It'll blow over

DEBBIE33CASEY · October 2010

Mrslove78:
DEBBIE33CASEY:

I have pretty severe asthma and my ILs say i'm making it up so we don't have to visit. it's frustrating but i feel like some smokers don't get it. It's nothing personal against my ILs or your parents, but it can be such a heated topic.

I agree that you probably didn't have to call the CPS card but I can understand your mutual frustration. I would appologize her her for that comment but make your feelings clear about the smoking issue if necessary.

Yea, smoking is not good for asthma! I'm lucky that I don't have it anymorenow that I don't live in their house. Sorry you have it, it is a really hard thing to live with. =(

I'm really pregnant, and deserve to be a bit over-dramatic, don't I? ;-) I did already leave her a message saying I was sorry for hurting her feelings, and that I want them to see my DS and the baby that is coming as much as possible, and that they are always welcome at MY house.

asthma sure does suck. and yes, you are lucky that you no longer have it!!

I tend to be over dramatic when I'm pregnant, too I think it's good that you appologized. It will blow over from here!

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