Does this seem strange?

chrisbride04 · October 2010

A child in DS' class at daycare is obviously impaired. She doesn't really talk, but makes a continual spitting noise. (sticks her lip out and makes that "motoring" sound.) She wears braces around her ankles and she has issues with hitting, getting into personal space, etc.

Today when I picked C up she batted at me a couple of times and was making the motoring sound among other noises. I asked the teacher if she knew what her specific disability was and she said "The parents won't tell us. Dad describes her as special, but not "special needs."

The child obviously is special needs in my opinion based on the above observations. As a parent, I don't understand why you would you not want to disclose something like that to the people who are watching your child for 10+ hours a day? The teacher said that legally they can withhold that info from the school.

Also, a child with such issues usually qualifies for special programs in the public school starting at age 3-4, so I'm not sure why they wouldn't have her in a program better suited to her needs. I know the teachers have had to make a few changes in how they do things to accomodate her, and have to discipline her a little differently.

It just seems strange to me that they won't even tell the school what is wrong with her.

KKMMex · October 2010

Well, IMO the teacher shouldn't have shared any of that with you. It could be that her parents don't have a diagnosis yet. Her delays may be caused by any number of things. Having a child who isn't "typically developing" is painful and also very stressful for the parents. They may by taking her to private therapy appointments (PT/OT/speech) during the hours she's not at daycare - there's just no way of knowing.

Mrs.Woods · October 2010

Saying "what's wrong with her" grates my nerves. Maybe disabilty would be more appropriate. As long as she hasn't physically harmed my child in a severe way, or impeded his development in the class I wouldn't care what her disabilty was. I would actually like to see more special needs children mainstreamed into regular classes at least part time. It would help get rid of the stigma associated with special needs and would help other children learn to be understanding and compassionate. I also think it's not your business as to what her disability is. It is completley up to the school to deal with her parents and her needs. If you have a problem with it I would suggest asking to have your child moved to another class.

chrisbride04 · October 2010

I don't have a problem with this child and I did not ask "what's wrong with her?" I don't believe my original post even implied that. I asked, "what is her specific disability?"

I'm a 2nd grade teacher and know all about special ed and mainstreaming, etc. The point of my post was to see if I was alone in thinking that if it was my child I would want to give the school as much information as possible to help my child succeed. It's possible they don't have a diagnosis yet like KKMex suggested. I agree that the teacher should not have discussed it with me, but I could tell that she was particularly frustrated yesterday.

Mrs.Woods · October 2010

chrisbride04:

A child in DS' class at daycare is obviously impaired. She doesn't really talk, but makes a continual spitting noise. (sticks her lip out and makes that "motoring" sound.) She wears braces around her ankles and she has issues with hitting, getting into personal space, etc.

Today when I picked C up she batted at me a couple of times and was making the motoring sound among other noises. I asked the teacher if she knew what her specific disability was and she said "The parents won't tell us. Dad describes her as special, but not "special needs."

The child obviously is special needs in my opinion based on the above observations. As a parent, I don't understand why you would you not want to disclose something like that to the people who are watching your child for 10+ hours a day? The teacher said that legally they can withhold that info from the school.

Also, a child with such issues usually qualifies for special programs in the public school starting at age 3-4, so I'm not sure why they wouldn't have her in a program better suited to her needs. I know the teachers have had to make a few changes in how they do things to accomodate her, and have to discipline her a little differently.

It just seems strange to me that they won't even tell the school what is wrong with her.

Ok, then maybe it was just this part that hit me the wrong way. The parents probably have not finished with diagnosis or are just begining treatment. I didn't start testing my son until he was three and it took a lot of time to go through the school system to get all the testing complete.In all between scheduling with a diagnostician who works for the whole district it took over three months to complete. Maybe they are having the same issues.

SigmundsGirl · October 2010

I know someone personally who has learning disabilities, but his parents didn't want to acknowledge that he needed any additional help and refused to have him tested. Some parents are in denial and don't want to face the truth, even when doing so would help their child.

To his credit he struggled through school, went to a community college, then transferred to A&M and after 7 years, graduated with an undergrad degree. He is now working at Macy's (on the floor) and still lives with his parents. He is almost 40.

I'm not saying this is the case with everyone, but some parents don't want to help their children with challenges because they don't want them to be different. Now he isn't capable of doing a lot on his own.

chrisbride04 · October 2010

I figured there's a good chance it's a case of parent denial.

OSUx2 · October 2010

Maybe the parents are just in denial. DH's best friend growing up has an older brother that defininately has some sort of disability that the parents never addressed. FIL is a doctor and even mentioned it to them and they never did anything. To this day the kid has issues (he is 40).

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