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WWYD: how to handle tough situation with SIL

saturdaynightdoubletreesaturdaynightdoubletree member
in 3rd Trimester

Part of me says call, e-mail, or text... the other part says let DH talk to her and that's good enough.

In the past SIL and I have had major issues. She has cut ties with me completely. DH and her haven't spoken in months. She has had some pretty sh!tty things happen in her life, and although that does not justify her actions toward me and my family... my heart is breaking for her right now. She just got diagnosed with placenta previa at 20wks. I want to call her, check in, make sure she is okay... If it were me, I'd be beside myself and totally scared.

DH has asked me in the past to just let everything go and not talk to her until she apologizes to me, or reaches out to me first. I would usually ignore this advice, but it seems like every time I try to be nice it totally backfires and causes more issues. He texted her from work tonight to make sure she's okay and tell her we're thinking of her. Was DH's attempt enough? Should I still reach out? WWYD?

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Re: WWYD: how to handle tough situation with SIL

  • xoashleigh4oxxoashleigh4ox
    it can't hurt to send an email or text and let her know that you are there for her.. no one's family is perfect.. and *** happens.. but family is family and it if was me i wouldn't be able to not say anything...
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  • gemrae1225gemrae1225 member
    Send her an email, and within the email let her know that the lines of communication are open if she wants to talk.
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  • konaboomomkonaboomom

    ::Lurking::

    I don't think it would hurt to send her an email and just say you are thinking of her. I had a partial previa that was diagnosed at 18 wks and at 34 weeks, my placenta had moved enough that I was cleared for a vaginal delivery. It could mean bedrest for her, in which case support from the family would be in great need.

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  • jlfhurleyjlfhurley
    End of the day you are family and sometimes its better to be the bigger person and bury the hatchet.  You should call and if she rejects your concern then you at least know you tried and can move on.  Hopefully she will be open to hearing from you.
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  • pixieprincsspixieprincss member
    I would call her in the next day or two if you DH doesn't hear back. If she answers the phone, you can pass on your concerns and keep it short. If she doesn't, you can leave a kind message. There are very few circumstances in life where text or email cut it for highly emotional situations and I don't think this is one of them. The tone of your voice will impart much more sincerity than typed words and that sincerity might even help prevent further misunderstandings.

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  • mom2haymom2hay

    I say reach out to her yourself anyway that you feel comfortable.  If it were me, I would probably just email her that is how I would feel comfortable at first.  If she were to respond and things go well then maybe you could talk to her on the phone, if you wanted to.  

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  • saturdaynightdoubletreesaturdaynightdoubletree member

    Thanks for all your responses.

    All I can do is try... and hope and pray that everything works out for the best with her.

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  • karen_loykaren_loy member

    imagegemrae1225:
    Send her an email, and within the email let her know that the lines of communication are open if she wants to talk.

    this

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  • lvnhwclvnhwc
    I would go with a phone call, leave message if she doesn't answer.  be sure to call when u would expect she will be home.  Follow up with email a few days later if you don't contact her.  She is family and you will have to deal with it the rest of your life, better to just get it over with.
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  • triplea1819triplea1819

    well placenta previa is not this horrible thing to be diagnosed with. 

     I would let Dh handle it.

    I say this coming from the same type of situation.  My husband and I have not talked to his sister in 5 years due to how she treated me and then turned on him for us getting married.  We have NO contact at all.   Honestly sometimes it is for the best!

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  • SpinFreak13SpinFreak13
    imagetriplea1819:

    well placenta previa is not this horrible thing to be diagnosed with. 

     I would let Dh handle it.

    I say this coming from the same type of situation.  My husband and I have not talked to his sister in 5 years due to how she treated me and then turned on him for us getting married.  We have NO contact at all.   Honestly sometimes it is for the best!

    This.

    I should share my story with you:

    My SIL and I used to be close friends. I introduced her to my BIL and they got married. Once she married my BIL, I hardly hear from her - it's like she got what she wanted and didn't need me anymore.

    After she found out I was pregnant, I hardly heard from her - no phone calls to see how I was coming along, check ins, offers to help with anything - nothing.

    Well, she got pregnant in the Spring. I wasn't one of the first she told - I think I was mid-way on the list of people that she told. Which was kinda hurtful.

    She had a m/c in late July. Although I knew she wouldn't do the same for me, I texted her the day we found out to extend my condolences and said I was here if she wanted to talk or someone to listen to, and she and I shared texts through the evening. A couple days later we talked. I was there for her, even though I barely heard from her during my pregnancy. It did feel good that I was, as they say, "being the better person".

    My shower was in mid-Sept.   45 mins. before the shower, she calls to tell me "she just can't do this today."

    I haven't heard from her at all since then, either.

    So, I guess what I'm getting at - is - no matter how nice you are to people and try to do the right thing, you end up getting your feelings hurt in the end.

    And as Triplea said - placenta previa is not a totally horrible thing.

    Save yourself the possible hurt feelings and let DH handle the communication.

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  • saturdaynightdoubletreesaturdaynightdoubletree member

    sounds like we share the same SIL!

    wish I had read these responses before reaching out... totally shut down. She seemed offended that I even wasted the time to e-mail her. Oh well... I guess at least I'll always know I tried, and it's not on me if she wants this crap to continue on.

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