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TOTALLY BLINDSIDED! (NBFR)

ambrvanambrvan member
in Blended Families

Now that I posted an update on SD, I figured I might go ahead and post this little tidbit, also, before I go.

 

My mom is pregnant. That's right. My mother, also a grandmother, is having a baby.

I'm not really sure what to say about it, really. It still hasn't sunk in too much. I'm kind of numb from the news. My mom and I don't have a very close relationship. In fact, saying it is "strained" is putting it lightly. But I told her congratulations and all. I'm not upset, but I have a feeling that this is going to create more distance between us rather than bring us closer.

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Re: TOTALLY BLINDSIDED! (NBFR)

  • gosse1kmgosse1km
    ok, I have to ask, how old is your mom?
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  • MrsBPOMrsBPO member

    I'm a grandmother, who was raising my granddaughter.  I was 38 when I became a grandmother.  I was a stay-at-home with her and made friends with a number of *parents* who were my age.  I have four adult children.  My H and I have recently been discussing the possibility of adoption.

    I know a number of women my age who are having children, have had children, or had to adopt later in life due to difficulties in conception.

    My old gymnastics coach had a second marriage after his children were grown.  His second wife wasn't a "spring chicken" but in her 30s and he was in his late 40s when they had a child together.  In the meantime, his son had a child five years earlier.  Coach's child was the uncle of a child five years older.

    The only problem I see is Amber's difficulty in accepting her mother's pregnancy, not the age of her mother.  It's something you can accept and continue on with your life, it's something you can embrace and you can be a wonderful big sister, or it's something that can be used to create a further wedge between the two.  But don't blame the baby for the mother's problems or relationship difficulties.


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  • IlumineIlumine member
    As someone who had a daughter at the ripe old age of 37....I could be Amber's mom if I had a baby at 19 (which is how old my married mother got pregnant at). 
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  • Mama2S-K-MMama2S-K-M member

    You made your mother a gradmother at a young age.  She still has a life to live.  It happens a lot.

    I could be a grandmother any day now (god forbid).  I had a daughter at 18, she's a teenager now and I'm in my early 30's...does the fact that I have the potential to be a grandmother mean I should not have any more children?

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  • PhantomgirlPhantomgirl member
    I am 32, have a cousin 33, cousin 34, Triplets: 2 aunts and 1 uncle 35, cousin 36 and cousin 37.  We are all friends.  So in space of 5 years my mom, her two sisters and my grandmother gave birth to 8 kids.
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  • jpowell3jpowell3
    I think it is ok to feel a little thrown off by it, you are only human. Take time to sort out your feelings but just be sure to try to move on to a better place. As a pp said, don't blame the baby for any issues that arrise. Look on the bright side, SD & DD will have a new playmate! Perhaps this won't be such a bad thing!
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  • sweetie0228sweetie0228 member

    My sister is only 6 years older than my daughter.  My Mom had my sister when I was 14.  It was awesome.  My sister has all these memories of me taking her everywhere!  I could drive and had a car by the time I was 16 I did take my sister everywhere.  She brought my daughter in to class in first grade for show and tell b/c everyone else was bringing in their new baby siblings she got to bring in her niece.

    I'm very close to my sister dispite our age difference.  She was the flower girl in my first wedding and the maid of honor in my 2nd and forever wedding.  She's nearly 21 now and takes my kids everywhere.

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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  • PinkBackPackPinkBackPack
    I'm just a lurker on this board, but I know what you are going through.  My mom had my brother when I was 21.  When I was pregnant with DD, she was also pregnant.  It was really weird and awkward.  Unfortunately, my mother had a m/c.  There are positives to the situation, but it's shocking at first.
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  • bebe11bebe11 member

    I have a 19 year old son, I am 38 and I guess I could be a grandma and have a baby all before 40?  Now, there is no way in hell I would ever have another child, but I can see how it could happen.

    Maybe it will bring you closer?  Stay positive. 

     

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  • gosse1kmgosse1km
    Not gonna lie, this whole thread makes me so greatful both my parents were completely fixed by the time they got divorced. While my dads is "technically" reversable, my mom doesn't have a uterus anymore. Considering she has already been remarried and divorced AGIAN, I'm glad I don't have to deal with the stress of her bringing another child into the world.
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  • fauxshelleyfauxshelley member

    When I was in my mid 20s my mom asked if I would be a surrogate for her and my stepdad.  I didn't agree to it, and they decided to buy a hot tub and take a trip to Jamaica with the fertility money instead.  Thank God. I wouldn't have minded having another sibling, but I certainly didn't want to give birth to it! 

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  • ambrvanambrvan member

    No, you guys are taking this the wrong way. I don't mean I'm not happy about it. I'm just... shocked. It was very unexpected. She never talked about having more kids. With anyone apparently, other than her husband, of course. I know he likes kids and doesn't have any of his own, so I always knew there was the possibility of them having one together but didn't think it was likely. She always talked about how good it was to have her life back and be able to do her own thing now that I'm grown and my brother a almost there and doesn't need her so much. She likes going to the bar and hanging out til 3am and coming home drunk. Everything she missed when she got pregnant at 16. So I just never thought she would want to go through raising another child all over again.

    And as far as this coming between us even more, I don't mean because I'll resent the baby. A baby is a baby is an innocent baby. And not to mention my sibling, half or whole does not matter. What I mean is that my mom doesn't talk to me (despite my efforts) but once a month maybe (doesn't even return text msgs), and I think she would probably much rather share this pregnancy with her sisters who have children 3yo and younger and her friends who have none older than 5yo. I think a lot of this kind of makes her feel like she is back in the "right place" with her generation. She always felt out of place because she was the youngest parent she knew (She is just now 38). And having me so young was like a wedge separating her from her sisters and cousins, but now this is her chance to fall back into place with all of them.

    And to be honest, yes, I am feeling a bit selfish. I have not adjusted to her being remarried yet. I would have accepted it better if she hadn't of tried to hide it from me and hadn't of lied to me about when she started dating him (maybe they weren't dating, but they sure were "together" years before she divorced my dad and she thinks I didn't know the whole time). But frankly it doesn't matter whether I ever adjust to her being remarried. I am not a child in her house, so she does not have to think about how her decisions affect me. I don't expect her to.

    And I have looked at it from another perspective that she is probably seeing. She deserves a shot at a normal life. My dad was taken from us, partially his fault, partially not (not getting in that here). And it hurt her and ruined her life. She stuck it out with him, visiting him rather than living as a married couple four years until she could not bear the loneliness anymore. I don't blame her for the divorce or for taking her shot at happiness when she found it. If she has a chance to raise a child with a father that is not going to be taken away and not going to leave, then I hope everything goes well for her.

    I just don't want her to cut me out any more than she has because of it. Call that selfish if you must.

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  • hopankahopanka member
    Nothing wrong with feeling a tiny bit selfish or entitled when it comes to your own mom. You are still sooo young. It doesn't look like you are going to act out on the feelings, especially when it comes to the unborn baby, so feeling this way now when the news is so fresh is completely normal. Don't beat yourself up over it. The fact she's not reaching out to you more (pregnant or not) is really sad.
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  • sabrina69barnessabrina69barnes member
    I can sort of relate. My mom had me at 15. I was adopted so she didn't raise me but we met when I was 17. Since then she has been a mother to me and we have a fairly normal adult child/ parent relationship. My youngest brother was 10mo when I met my mom. He is only a few months older than SD. I had DS when I was 18 (I'm 23 now)  so my mom became a grandmother at almost 33. Her husband had a vesectomy so they wont be having any more children but she has said several times since I had DS2 that sometimes she wishes she could have another child. When she first said that it threw me off a bit. I can't imagine having a sibling younger than my children.
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