I'm still bitter

SpartanChick88 · October 2010

And feel horrible about it! My brother and his wife got married last October 31 and their baby was born in July (oops) He's my younger brother, very immature, has an ok job but never finished college and now never will. I am the oldest... I should have had the first grandchild and I'm pi$$ed about it!

I tried to get over it when their son was born, but I just can't - especially when I see pictures on FB with the baby in the car, a portable DVD player mounted on the seat in front of him and the seatbelt across his legs in the carseat. Yeah, you read that right. Who let these people have a child?? And it's not like she's clueless... she has a 4 yr old. My parents consider her a granddaughter so I got cheated twice. Little girl is the first granddaughter for DH's parents, but I lose out completely on my side.

I'm so frustrated that I still feel this way but I can't help it. Especially since a m/c cheated me out of all of this - I would have had that baby in Feb. Don't get me wrong... I'm so excited about my little October (I hope!!) baby and am already in love with my spunky little girl. I think that also adds to my guilt in feeling this way.

jeannaqueena · October 2010

i got bitter the other day when I thought about our friends, we had been trying for a year before they started trying and got PG, their baby will be 1 year old when this baby is born. I could have already been having baby number 2.

I hope we both are able to let it go once our babies are in our arms.

ihearteddieboo · October 2010

It's absolutely fine to feel the way you do. If I were in your situation, I would feel bitter too. ((hugs))

I'm admittedly still bitter. This paralegal in my office (who I can't stand) had a baby in July, I was due in August with the baby I m/c'ed. He told everyone about the pregnancy over our office Christmas lunch (which was a mere week after my D&C) and his wife comes to the office every.single.day. with the baby. I suppose since she has nothing else better to do. Today, was his birthday and the wife and baby came to the office to sing and have cake. This is something we do for everyone in the office, but significant others have NEVER come. I stood in the background and left when the cake was being cut (not out of spite though, but b/c I have GD, and that cake looked GOOD).

And whenever a family member or friend announces a pregnancy, my first thought is, "please God, let me have my baby before they do." I hate feeling this way, but I just do.

Amanda78 · October 2010

Maybe they know my BIL and his wife? They have a 3 y.o. that is her son from an ex. A 2 y.o, conceived about 5 minutes after they got married without telling anyone. They're in the USMC and he's 26 and she's 23 I think? And right after I got pg this time they started talking about wanting a girl-they have two boys and what do you know, she's pg again.

Bitter? Not me.

Love the boys, will love their 3rd child and I absolutely think her oldest should be considered a grandchild, but DH and I are the oldest, waited to get married, etc and it irritates me to no end that we don't have the first grandchild on his side. And b/c I am a b!tch I really hope their #3 is a boy.

kilissa · October 2010

I understand how you feel. As nasty as this is, I'm thankful that no one else got pregnant before I did again. I feel/felt like it is my turn to have the baby next since I was trying before and was supposed to have a baby in my arms in August. I've also been struggling with Halloween because I was supposed to have a baby to dress up instead of thinking about next year. I think I'll probably get annoyed around Christmas and New Years because I was pregnant during that time last year - why am I still pregnant a year later with no baby?

It's natural to be upset, bitter, jealous or whatever you want to call it. What happened to each of us was unfair!

uklawgirl · October 2010

((hugs)) I have a similar situation and I totally hear you. My brother (7 years younger than I) and his wife got pregnant just a few months after they got married and he never even wanted kids. My parents went stupid over their son and they are much more "chill" about my baby. It makes me almost beside myself to think about it, so I try not to. But I will never, ever get over it.

SpartanChick88 · October 2010

See... that's the thing. DH and I have been married for 7 years. We got ourselves completelt out of debt, moved to an area where we are comfortable raising children (we were in Metro DC where I had a great job. Now we are in NC where there is nothing for me. I still contract through the government, but make a lot less, and have an outside job working childcare at a gym, which I love!!) and bought a house.

We did everything the "right" way by waiting until we were secure and emotionally ready for a child. Yet they just throw caution to the wind and figure eh, why not??

Amanda... I will hope that #3 is a boy too... maybe two b!tchy thoughts will help.

Amanda78 · October 2010

Kredd88:

See... that's the thing. DH and I have been married for 7 years. We got ourselves completelt out of debt, moved to an area where we are comfortable raising children (we were in Metro DC where I had a great job. Now we are in NC where there is nothing for me. I still contract through the government, but make a lot less, and have an outside job working childcare at a gym, which I love!!) and bought a house.

We did everything the "right" way by waiting until we were secure and emotionally ready for a child. Yet they just throw caution to the wind and figure eh, why not??

Amanda... I will hope that #3 is a boy too... maybe two b!tchy thoughts will help.

Thanks! It helps to know I'm not the only one who gets so frustrated with these situations. Don't even get me started on my BFF's BIL-his baby mama just had twins and they aren't married b/c she qualifies for more aid that way...

magdalina.h · October 2010

I get bitter when I think about a family member. She has 3 healthy children that she takes for granted and can't afford. She's older then me and her youngest is a year and a half so I don't have that type of bitterness, but I get it.

jesmckenna · October 2010

I'm also in a very similar situation and always wonder "Why can't I just get over this?" It affects no one but myself to be so bitter, but I just can't help it. Why are things always so easy for the people who don't work for it, and so difficult for those of us who do everything right? Life just isn't fair.

sinisterkat01 · October 2010

(((HUGS)))

I have been on both sides of this situation.

I have been bitter about several people, but namely, the young girl at my work that accidentally got pregnant at 22, and then carried a healthy young boy to term. That's great, but we both ended up pregnant at the same time, and mine ended in an m/c. It was hard not to be bitter everytime that I looked at her when she was still pregnant, or talked about her son afterwards. After time, it got better.

On the other hand, my sister is 10 years my senior (and I am 29), and got married later in life. She has been struggling with IF without telling the family. Despite the fact that a pregnancy and a child would be too much for them, she really wants a baby. I have been dealing with feelings of guilt, and her feelings of hurt/resentment since we broke the news. At any mention of the baby, she is near or in tears, and I try to downplay that fact that I am pregnant all the time.

It's hard on both sides of the equation, but maybe more so when the lucky party is young and irresponsible. Sorry, I'm long winded this morning.

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