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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
lilbit923
member
What would you do? (Felon related)
lilbit923
member
I vented last week that my older bro who married a lady my mom's age that we've never met. Well, upon doing some more digging I've learned that two of her five kids are gang members, have drug arrests and live with their mom and my brother. One spent 18 months in TDCJ for poss of marijuana and the other was arrested for a 1st degree felony drug charge in 2005.
Now knowing my bro is a gang detective, I am doubtful of where his mind is right now and willing to bet he's thinking with his other head at this time. I find this to be a huge conflict of interest on his part. My 3 yr old niece is living full time with my bro as he has custody of her. My niece's mom, my ex-SIL lost custody due to mental issues. I now believe these mental issues were instigated by my brother stemming from his cheating on her and emotionally wearing her down given he has spent over a year cultivating his affair with his new wife.
Ex-SIL is working on getting custody of my niece and I want to tell her so badly what's going on in the new home her little girl is living in. I also feel I'm over stepping my boundaries by doing so. I'm fearful of what these gang members would do to my niece because of what my brother does for a living.
Since my brother has spent at least the last two years lying to my family, I now doubt everything he says or has said in the past. I know going against my brother will likely anger my family but I want my niece safe and not the subject of a sexual assault or worse. For that matter, I don't want my other nephew (age 13) or niece (age 9) hurt there as well. I think my brother has taken advantage of my family's kindness long enough and it needs to stop. He told my parents his reason for marrying this woman is "It needs to be about me now, I'm tired of doing for others (i.e. his kids)."
I told my mom what I learned on the public information website about my brother's new stepkids and what implications that could bring not only for his job but his children as well. She shook her head and said I was wrong. I have been so upset all weekend worrying about the kids. I know it's not good to have this much stress while pregnant but I can't help it. I love those babies as if they were mine and I don't want them hurt if it can be prevented.
What would you do? It's as if he can do no wrong.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: What would you do? (Felon related)
What would you want your SIL to do if the situation were reversed? That is your answer. Your family will get over it. If they don't, then you know that the interest of the young, innocent children involved is not their first priority. Doing the right thing is rarely easy or popular and I'm sorry that your are stuck in this situation. Good luck.
Plus, it's not like you are telling a lie if you tell your SIL. I don't understand why people get so upset about stuff like this. You are merely tell SIL the truth. What actually happened. You are not making stuff up or taking any action against your brother, you are merely passing along publicly available truthful information.
FYI, TDJC stands for the Texas Department of Juvenile Corrections. It is not a nice place and sadly most kids come out worse than they went in.
TDCJ--Texas Department of Criminal Justice...that's for adults. The one that spent time there just got out in August--that one was a misdemeanor. The felon was arrested in 2005 and both have developed gang memberships since then.
It's hard for me to really make a judgment call since I haven't seen this family first hand. I'm not too concerned with the marijuana charges, however the fact that your brother is a gang task member and living in a house with known gang members is odd. Maybe he's working on changing their ways....who knows.
I would be vigilant of the children's welfare but sadly it's not really your place to go balls to the wall and start making a scene yet.
Let me put another spin on it - what if, although these kids are supposedly in gangs and are felons, what if they have grown to care about your niece? Do you know that they have ever done anything to treat her poorly or neglectful? What if these kids really care about your niece and find out that you have been feeding your ex-sil information to get that little girl taken away from the family they created? Are you concerned about any possible retribution that may happen to your family if you get involved? Like I said, I would stay out of it.
Ok, here is the thing. She is talking about telling her SIL the TRUTH. Not lies, not inuendo, actual facts. If her brother and her family don't like those, well then maybe he shouldn't have moved his 3 yr old into a home with a bunch of people who had done those things. Is it possible that the new family loves the little girl and care for her? yep. Providing SIL with this info doesn't change that. Nor does it guarantee that she will win her custody fight.
However, put yourself in SIL's shoes. Would you really trust your ex's judgment at this point? After all, he chose to have an affair for two years while you were still married. That alone makes him untrustworthy in my opinion. If you don't want to be married anymore that's ok. Get a divorce. Don't cheat. Additionally, as a police officer he should be aware of the recidivism rate amongst drug users and gang members. Even if the kids are no longer in gangs, most gangs don't just let you quit and forget about it. Doesn't work that way unfortunately.
I doubt these adults have any affinity for my niece. She just moved there a few days ago. I'm always concerned about retribution to our family and not just in this situation. Though I did expect my brother to have more sense than to associate with such types of people considering those are exactly the types he puts in jail. My whole purpose of asking this is because my brother has two known contract hits out on his life for two gangs he works. Now he is living in the area he patrols..so yes I am concerned for the well being of my nieces and nephew. Not many gang members are fond of gang detectives and if they want to get back at a cop...they go for the kids. I really expected him to be much smarter than this. But yeah...we'll just stay back and watch.
I have no idea what to say. Maybe he's working under cover?
I'm so sorry for your little niece, too.
T&P
Thank you. You worded it better than I did. I've got so much in my head right now and it's just so stressful. I want to make sense of it. But you're right. I don't trust my brother right now. My folks are trying to keep my family together and be accepting...I get that. But on the other hand I see what my brother has brought his kids into and it's not safe. I don't buy that these kids she has are the sweetest, kindest people. I just don't. I don't appreciate him lying to us while he cheated.
As for leaving a gang. Good luck. It's blood in, blood out. Blood in is you getting jumped in or having to fight your way through the click of the gang. You may request to leave a gang but you need to have set up protection from an outside source so you're not killed (blood out) when you try to leave.
DH said the same thing. He thinks my brother is working undercover. But I don't know that I buy that. He's always talking to my Dad about work and this would have come up. Especially if it's hush hush so the family would know what to expect. But this? I don't think he's working undercover.
For my niece's and nephew's sake, I really hope nothing happens to them. Thank you for the T&P's. Our family could really use them right now.
Stay out of it. If you've told your mother and she has denied it, maybe she knows something you don't. You don't live in the house, so you don't know. I would not jump to the conclusion that b/c these people have been to jail for marijuana charges that they would do something to your niece.
If your brother is in a gang force maybe there are certain things he can not talk to you about. You may think you have the right to know b/c your worried about retaliation; maybe he's not telling for the same reasons.
I'm sure there is a great deal Mom didn't tell me. Of course when I told her the info I found out she asked me where did I find that out. Nope, I don't live there with them. Thank God. I prefer my children to not be around drug users, known felons and gang members. I'm kinda funny that way.
I believe my brother hasn't been honest with us because he knows the way he's living his life isn't supported by our family.
This