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Blended Families
Ginlyn0
member
Sort of BF related: girls shaving
Ginlyn0
member
What age did you or would you think is appropriate to let your DD or SD shave? Legs? Arms (not underarms)? What if the other parent did not agree? What would you do? We are going through a lot of these types of issues now that our girls are getting older.
DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Sort of BF related: girls shaving
My mom thought I was too young, but my grandma showed me at age 11.
But, I have to ask, is there an age too young to be hairless? If you're old enough to have the hair, aren't you old enough to get rid of it?
My H didn't think too much about it. Being the NCP and a man (limited understanding) he told the moms whatever they felt was the right time. All his girls have really thick dark hair so you could clearly see it pretty young. SD#1 started shaving when she started her period at 10. She was ready and has been responsible with it. SD#2 wants to shave really bad at 12 (different moms) but her mom won't let her yet. Her underarms and legs really bother her to the point she won't wear shorts anymore. DH knows this makes SD#2 uncomfortable. Gymnastics it's really bad b/c there outfits are so small. So he is getting ready to go back on what he said and push for her to start shaving since it bothers her so bad. I am not sure how this will go.
OMG, another thing that J&A and I agree on. Have pigs started to fly?
I agree with PP. If their old enough to start growing hair that needs to be shaved, then their old enough to shave it off. It's like a girl who grows breast early. You don't let her jiggle all around and look inappropriate at school just because yoou think she's too young. If she needs it she needs it.
Alot of times, the moms just want to assert their authority and be difficult just because they can. They know their DD's need to shave but just cause you brought it up, they have to oppose. Got forbid BM's and SM's agree on anything. Sheesh
Ok, here is my thought. If the girl has thick, dark, noticeable hair that bothers her then I think those are a different circumstances. I think shaving is something that is a PITA to maintain so I think using middle school (around 6th grade, 11-12) is a good guideline. Since most are mature enough at that age to keep up the maintenance. I would never advise the girls to shave their arms.
My DD is 10 (almost 11) and has not asked to shave but has over the past year noticed that her hair is getting longer on her legs. She is light haired so it isn't noticeable. I figure she will be asking soon and I will more than likely let her shave either this summer or the beginning of next school year because she will be 11 and going into middle school.
SD who is 9 also has lighter hair. She was substantially less hairy than my DD. We found out yesterday that BM taught her to shave her legs AND her arms over the past week. She told DH. I think the arms are the bigger issue along with the fact that SD still has to be reminded to brush her hair, put clothes on that are not dirty, ect. I can't imagine her trying to keep up with shaving her legs and arms.
DH is very upset about this and has been trying to contact BM to discuss it. She is avoiding him. DH has let SD know that he does not approve of her shaving especially her arms. He told her that he would have no problem with her shaving her legs if she were a little older but he doesn't think she should ever shave her arms. I'm not sure if there is a right way for him to handle this since Moms usually want Dads to stay out of this type of stuff but the arm shaving is what bothers him the most. He only talked to SD directly about it because it is something she has to do herself.
I stay out of these type of issues with SD but I wanted to know what other BMs and SMs think.
Why is everyone so bothered by the arm shaving?...I don't get it. Why can't a girl be in charge of her own hygiene? Why is that one father truly "upset" that his daughter is shaving her arms? I think he needs to stay out of it and get over himself. How can you be "upset" about something like that? I'm actually kinda weirded out by that...it's a personal thing and a girl thing at that, it's like he would be truly upset that his daughter uses brand A tampons vs. brand B.
Live and let live.
I think that I was about 10-11, once I found that the hair was feeling uncomfortable. I have never shaved (nor heard of) shaving my arm hair?? I was taught how to shave my UNDERarms when it become needed.
HTH!
this
But are you sure that it was BM's initiative (since she's never shaved her own arms, as you say, it sounds strange she would all of a sudden come up with showing it to her young daughter without the daughter approaching her herself, I dunno). These are things that you can't really cookie cutter...."since nobody does that around here".....people are born with different genetics, some people are hairier than others. What seems unthinkable to one person, is a neccesity for another. I don't know if your SD has particularly hairy arms, or if her hair is really dark on her arms or not, but maybe it's something that bothers her, or somebody at school pointed at her yelling: look at that hair!...I don't know. Maybe she went to her mother, shared it with her, and BM showed her how to shave it. Is that possible?
ETA: Now I notice you said she isn't hairy/it's not noticeable. Well, who knows...I guess find out what the reasoning behind it was, if it came from SD herself and why. It still is kind of strange to me to believe that her mom who doesn't shave herself would one day just decide to teach her hairless daugther to shave her arms.
It could be, but not from the way it sounded to DH coming from SD. That's why he really still wants to talk to BM about it so he can find out why. SD is not hairy at all and has light hair. My DD had longer leg and arm hair than her before it was shaved. I would actually describe DD as very hairy (her arm hair is so long it curls but its light so it doesn't stand out.) SD hair is the same color as DD.
I definitely know people aren't cookie cutter and I do think its a different case if teasing or uncomfortableness was going on, but I don't really think that's the case. But I don't know for sure. SD and I are very close and I think she would tell me if something like that was going on, but I'm not going to talk to her about the shaving unless she says anything to me. BM still has not returned DH's call. His message did not mention that it was about shaving just that he needed to speak with her. He is going to talk to her tonight at drop off if she hasn't called by then. I don't think it would have bothered him at all if she were a teenager (possibly even preteen) vs a child with no signs of puberty added to the fact the SD usually cares nothing about her appearance. (We just had to get on to her last weekend for putting on a dirty shirt with stains on it when we were going to a friend's bday party.)
Guess we will see.
Lol, I will join this bandwagon! And I agree not to shave arms, that is weird and will grow in horrible. If it is bad enough to get teased I would be ok with it regardless of age as long as the child is old enough to make the decision. As for eyebrows, same thing, when they are old enough to take care of it themself and want to then it is fine but within reason, I am not ok with a young kid waxing so much of their eyebrows that it looks silly and will likely not grown in normal when they are old enough to not want to look like a clown.
I think what bothers me the most is the arm shaving. It's not pleasant to grow out ones arm hair. Because shaving cuts at an angle, the hair will grow back feeling coarser (though the texture of the hair does not actually change).
As an esthetician, I am all about waxing, really as soon as a child is comfortable with it. I waxed the legs/arms of a 9 year old when I was in school (the school owners daughter). By the time that girl is 20, she will likely have little to no hair growth at all. When I was working in a spa I frequently waxed the eyebrows of tweens-I would NOT recommend letting them twease their brows-that is a holy mess waiting to happen.
I really am all about body hair removal, but the shaving of the arms is just a bad idea.
I can't speak on behalf of the blended family situation. But, I can say, I also began shaving my legs when I was 10 because I had dark hair. If the hair isn't that noticeable, then I don't see it being necessary at that young of an age. I think then it becomes an issue of "wanting to feel grown up" or "my friends are doing it."
I don't think the arm thing is weird at all! I also had hairy arms with dark hair, and it was different that most other girls my age, so I started bleaching them my freshman year (15 y/o) but it just became a hassle, as it grew in black. So, at 15 I began shaving them and 10 years later, I still do. I wouldn't have it any other way.
If it's not necessary, I don't think girls should do it, but if it's much more noticeable than others and makes them feel self conscious, then why not? For example, most of my friends started shaving their underarms between 13-15 because it turned black and got thicker. I, on the other hand, didn't have any under arm hair until I was 18, so I didn't start shaving earlier just because I was old enough to.
Paris, since you're an esthetician:
I'm an arm-shaver (obviously, from this post) by neccessity...since I was about 12...so I've been doing this a LOOONG time. I shave pretty much every day because my hair was really dark and really long and really thick. If I want to keep my arms nice and clean shaven and look like a lady, I have to do it daily. Not a biggie...it's a part of my shower routine, just like anything else.....BUT, I always wondered about waxing, since it would be sort of nice not to have to shave my arms so often. I never actually did it, because aren't you suppossed to grow your hair out in order to be able to wax it? See, that's not an option for me....I'd look like a sasquatch! So, waxing is probably not a good idea for me, right?
Professional opinion?
And the outcome of the convo between DH and BM is surprising....(on a side note: I'm so glad that I stay out these things LOL)
Apparently, SD lied to DH about BM teaching her. We haven't had lying issues with her since she was 6 (back then it was a big deal, all the time thing, lying over stuff that didn't even matter.) DH just asked BM to step outside with him at drop off. He asked BM why SD was shaving. BM said she is not allowed to shave. BM said that she caught SD shaving her arms and legs last week. When BM and SD talked about it, SD said she just wanted to try it. BM told her that she was not allowed to shave yet because she is too young, there is no reason for it at her age, and that she has not been shown the proper way to do so and that she would show her when the time is right. DH said at this point he was so relieved. BM said she would talk again to SD about it and DH had told her he also spoke to SD about it. So BM not teaching her, explains why she shaved her arms when BM does not.
Since he asked without being confrontational, he and BM were able to turn this into a really good discussion. BM & her husband and DH and I all get along fine, but BM and DH are not good at communicating day to day things about the kids even though we see each other multiple times a week at drop offs and sports.
(Quick back story: DH and BM were high school sweethearts together from the time DH was 14 and BM was 13. They were together 9 yrs, married 4 yrs.) After that convo about shaving BM said to DH "I know how we were when we were younger, and I do NOT want SD to be like we were." I'm going to do everything I can to get her to slow down and enjoy her youth while she can. This then led into a conversation about BM asking us him if we've had difficulties out of my oldest SS at our house lately because she was having some issues with him at her house. Of course, the same issues were going on at both houses. DH said she could tell BM was relieved that we were going through the same thing and that we were all frustrated with these issues.
So basically, this whole thing turned into something good.
My mom refused to let me start shaving until 7th grade & I was very embarrassed about it. I have very dark hair & I got made fun of because of it. I say whenever the girls feel like they are ready for it.
It's so much nicer to wax. The hair grows back soft, an it will get sparser the longer you do it.
Oh, I'll bet there's a girl in her class who got her started on this.
I agree with the comment but none of us likely wanted to be the last to get a bra or shave our legs and kids tease each other so if the only reason my kid wants to do it at 10 is b/c her friends are then I would be ok with that if she is worried about being teased.
And Paris, those are very good points about shaving, etc.
Thanks for the info, Paris. I think even eyebrow length would be too noticeable for me, plus it's a horrible feeling on clothing, too. I haven't seen my hair on my arms in many years because of constant shaving, but I do remember it was super thick. I think I'm going to have to wait on that maybe 'till the winter when I wear long sleeves, although we're in SoCal, so even in the winter it's not always long sleeves all the time. We shall see about it.
To the OP: yeah, I knew there was a reason behind it. It just didn't add up that BM would teach her for no reason, if she doesn't do it herself and SD's hair is not noticeable. It had to have come from SD's head (or her friends'). It's always best to investigate before jumping to conclusion and you guys did just that.