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Snarky and T-TTC
Advice on how to not hurt my friend's feelings...
Hi ladies, I hope you don't mind me asking but I need some advice. I understand everyone's personality is different but if I could hear from other ladies who are ttc it might help.
I'm 9 weeks and my best friend has been TTC for 3 years. Ever since we were kids she's wanted a baby and it kills me that she is having trouble. She told me that one of her friends got pregnant a year ago and kept it from her. She finally found out through other people and she told me how hurt she was that her friend had kept it from her.
So I told her right away when I got my BFP. Plus I've had two MC's and really needed her support. She was very happy and excited for me. I tried to not talk about it too much though.
When I had my first U/S I got excited and mass texted my best girlfriends a pic of it... she was the only one that didn't respond and now she's not answering my calls... I think I hurt her feelings and I feel really bad.
Do you guys have any advice on things I should or should NOT say to her during my pregnancy?
Thanks in advance.
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Re: Advice on how to not hurt my friend's feelings...
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Yeah, texting your u/s was a bad move. And complaining like you did is a super bad move.
Your friend would likely trade a limb in order to have a picture of a baby growing inside her, or to experience pregnancy symptoms that were actually associated with pregnancy.
Quit talking about your pregnancy.
It might be nice to apologize to her about sending the picture without thinking. Explain that you were just excited and didn't think.
She may distance herself from you for a while. And you're just going to have to deal with that.
Dr.L is wise.
"It's a child, not a cheeto" Thanks mmariluh!
"Ew. I've read all of two posts from you, and you stink like rotting garbage."
Definately appolgize- in person if you can or a call. Most of us would trade a limb, throw up all day for nine months, suffer migraines that cost our jobs- the works to get a baby.
I'm sorry that you have had losses before. It is amazing when anyone get and stay pregnant and I wish you luck for this pregnancy. For your friend, being honest and then giving her time- with non-invasive notes or messages to check in every once in a while so she feels comfortable when she's ready to talk to you might be helpful. Some ladies have talked about having friends that disappear when they get pregnant because they don't know what to say to those of us still trying. There are probably going to be days she's just not up for being around a bump- hopefully you'll be able to understand and she'll put the effort in to maintain your friendship from her end as well.
My biggest advise would be to not complain about symptoms, due dates, having to pee- whatever she wishes she had to deal with to her- find another new mom, expectant moms, your mom, other friends for that stuff. The same with u/s pictures, onsies, breast pumps, etc. It's really tough and I miss that stuff when my friends go through it- but it still stings to hear. She'll let you know when/if she's ready to share in your joy. Also, one of my friends complained that she's still a friend, wife, teacher, etc. so problems or joys you can share related to that may serve as a bonding topic for you and your friend and also some good perspective for you. Best of luck being a good friend & with your pregnancy~
TTC since 3-2008: v/c repair 2009; BFP: 7-2010, m/c 8-2010, c/p 4-2011, BFP: 6-2011 EDD: 2-12-2012?
"Lovebugs2012"
Today I am pregnant & I love my baby!
Make a pregnancy ticker
I agree with DrL too.