Now I know even more...

inlovewithB · October 2010

Thanks to all of you for your kind responses to my last post!

While waiting for my Rx to be filled I read the Genetic Report in full and found out that our baby was a Girl. I don't know why, but this made me so emotional. I am back at work and having a hard time "keeping it together".

While I was pregnant I was sure we were going to have a Boy, and even said "I really want a Boy", now I feel so guilty about that statement.

Ryan&Kristin062009 · October 2010

I'm sorry, that would have made me very emotional as well. We weren't given the option to find out the sex, but I wouldn't have wanted to know anyway.

inlovewithB · October 2010

Ryan&Kristin062009:
I'm sorry, that would have made me very emotional as well. We weren't given the option to find out the sex, but I wouldn't have wanted to know anyway.

Thanks! I am still in a state of shock...not sure if it is better to know or not. It just feels a little more "real" to be able to refer to the baby as "she".

jesslw · October 2010

I was never offered any kind of testing at all and I wish I could have known the sex and the answer to the big question, why? I know it must be hard to hear things like that, but I sadly feel as if my baby is just a nameless, faceless unknown even to his/her own mother and that's pretty hard too. I'm happy for you that you can say "I lost my daughter to Prader-Willi Syndrome at 9 weeks" even though I am so sincerely sorry it happened. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, but I hope you find some comfort in knowing. Hugs.

inlovewithB · October 2010

jesslw:
I was never offered any kind of testing at all and I wish I could have known the sex and the answer to the big question, why? I know it must be hard to hear things like that, but I sadly feel as if my baby is just a nameless, faceless unknown even to his/her own mother and that's pretty hard too. I'm happy for you that you can say "I lost my daughter to Prader-Willi Syndrome at 9 weeks" even though I am so sincerely sorry it happened. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, but I hope you find some comfort in knowing. Hugs.

Thank you! Reading your response made me cry! I am sorry you don't have any answers!! I really did think knowing would make it a little easier and maybe one day it will. I hate that there is so much pain in this regardless of what you do or don't know. I hate that I share this pain with you and so many other women. Most of all I hate that there isn't away to remove the pain for any of us.

lovely40 · October 2010

I'm so sorry. I can understand how that made you miss your baby even more and even feel guilty for your thoughts. Try not to feel guilty though - you know in your heart that you loved that baby! It's so normal for women to hope for one gender or the other and normal to feel guilty for it. But no matter what you end up loving the baby that you have and being glad for the gender it is and this is no different for our angel babies.

Before the miscarriage I had been worried that my baby was a boy because I wondered if I would be able to bond with it the same way I have bonded with DD. I have felt so guilty now for thinking that and even had the irrational thought "did I cause my miscarriage because I didn't want a boy?" And now I look at little boys and think I want one so bad. I actually don't know if my baby was a girl or a boy or what caused the miscarriage. I often wish so bad that I knew but I know that would open up whole new emotions.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little girl and all the new emotions you are going through. hugs to you.

BlakeG · October 2010

((Huge hugs))

rock-elle · October 2010

wowza, that would have rocked me too, we didn't know the gender of our LO but I have a feeling deep down in my file somewhere it might say. I can honestly say I am not sure if I really want to know now, it would open that wound wide open. I am so sorry hon.

magpiebride61210 · October 2010

i'm so sorry you are having a hard time. I would too, I have no idea if ours was a boy or girl, I'm not sure if I would want to know or if I could survive knowing. You're a strong woman, and I hope you can find peace with this.

Please don't feel guilty for the boy comment. We've all at least thought it.

(hugs)

jertie · October 2010

I would have cried buckets over that too. IMHO - there's nothing wrong with saying that you really wanted one gender or another. Please don't beat yourself up about this - you loved your baby - boy or girl.

EclairAngst · October 2010

Oh my goodness, hon. This is incredibly difficult news you're getting. So many mixed emotions on top of pain that is still so raw from the loss. I'm so so sorry Sad

... for your loss and for... just all of it. It's so so hard and unfair Sad

(((HUGE HUGS)))

tctibbe · October 2010

HUGS. I know how you are feeling and went through the same thing when we found out we had a girl. We got our genetic testing results about 4 weeks after the D&C and it was painful. I too, thought I was having a boy. And when I found out it was a girl I felt so bad for wishing LO was a boy.

MrsGo4Hockeychick · October 2010

I feel the same way.

I felt like someone sucker punched me when they said the genetic material was male.

I've always said I didn't really want any boys, and now I feel a little bit of guilt over it.

HUGS to you.

biddy53178 · October 2010

oh big hugs- i wish we could have known if it was a boy or a girl- we weren't offered that option- i was hoping for a boy but i would have taken and loved either one- i had been very clear that i didnt want to know the sex until the baby was born, but following the loss i have decided that the next baby i want to know as soon as possible if its a boy or a girl- i feel like that way i will bond better and if i have a late pregnancy loss then at least i would have had a relationship with the baby that i wouldnt have had if i didn't know the sex-