- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
North Carolina Babies
MrsHughesNC
member
How much "you time" do you and DH get?
MrsHughesNC
member
Without each other, without your DC. Like time out alone, or a night out with friends, etc.
I feel like I get more "me time" than DH and I feel guilty about it. I have about an hour & a half between when I get off, and when he and Holly get home. I try to go to the gym then, or run errands or start dinner. But sometimes, I'll admit I just come home and enjoy the quiet. I also have typically at least once a month where I go out to dinner with a friend or group of friends. I usually leave before Holly goes to bed, so he's home with her then too. And typically on the weekends, I'll run some errands while DH keeps Holly at home.
I feel bad because DH rarely does stuff alone. Most all of his close friends live out of state, so he doesn't get to see them often. I leave for work before 7am, and he has Holly until they leave around 8:30. He picks her up from DC most days (I do it sometimes, usually once a week, but it's onsite at his work, so it makes more sense for him to). When we get home, he hangs out with Holly while I cook dinner (or occasionally vice versa). Then we eat as a family, and play as a family until we start her bedtime routine at 7 (we alternate nights doing this). From about 7:40-10:00, we each do our own thing, or watch TV together. Sometimes we'll run errands while the other stays home.
I do the grocery shopping and stuff, and while I know it's an errand, I consider it me time (because I'm weird and love grocery shopping, and find it almost therapeutic.. LOL). I try to do this during the week after Holly's bedtime, but I often do it on the weekend, and since it's way easier without Holly, DH always keeps her at home (he insists). The same goes for other errands and shopping (unless we both need to go). Sometimes I take her anyway, just because I know he needs some peace and quiet. So I try to remember this is a chore that he appreciates that I do, but I still feel bad, and sometimes end up rushing to get home to relieve him from daddy duty. But I feel like I have to make him go do things by himself.
It's not like I'm running around partying every night, but I feel guilty going on even 2 girls nights out in a month, because he never does anything like that. Or, very rarely. He never makes me feel guilty one bit, but I still do. I also feel guilty that I'm not there in the mornings.
Gotta love wife guilt. Almost as bad as mommy guilt. 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How much "you time" do you and DH get?
I have the same guilt you have. Although I don't get out as much on my own as you've listed, when I do, I still feel guilty because DH doesn't have close guy friends in the area that he goes off to hang out with or other outside of the home activities. I didn't go to both MNO this month for that same reason -- I felt guilty since I already went to one and I went to my book club this month. Plus, I had a spa package I had to use this weekend!!
I try to run errands while the girls take their naps on the weekends but to go to the mall, for instance, from where I live is a long haul so DH does end up needing to keep them entertained, etc. for awhile while I'm gone. I always feel like I need to rush to get home when I'm out running errands even though he says he's fine with it. I try to remind myself that I don't stop him from finding outside activities or guys to hang out with; he's chosen not to pursue outside interests. But my wife/mommy guilt kicks in if I'm not the one spending every minute doing things for the girls.
On another note though, he does get more "him time" when I am home than I get "me time" at home. If I'm home, I am the one either playing with the girls or cleaning, etc. around the house -- I'm never sitting down reading or watching TV. He on the other hand gets time to play video games, watch football etc. on the weekend during the day while I'm playing with the girls.
I totally understaand where you're comng from!
I could have written that post - except that I pick up DD and have her until DH gets home an hour later. I get way more nights out with the girls, since DH doesn't have many friends here.
Last weekend he was invited last minute to a football game and I insisted he go even though I had to cancel my plans. I knew he needed some "me time".
Sorry no advice, but I hope others chime in with some!
DH and I do things kind of differently than you guys, partly because our jobs, partly because of where we live, and then just family preference I suppose.
My only "me time" on a daily basis is usually while I'm working. DH leaves the house by 6:30 each morning, and sometimes Nate and I aren't up when he leaves. I get Nate ready, take him to daycare, come home and work. If I'm on the ball and up early, I have some time in the AM to work-out or do a quick grocery trip, do some housework, etc. Often I just get about 25-35 mins in the AM and I use that time to shower and eat breakfast.
I pick DS up from daycare 99% of the time, but if DH is home he goes with me. Often I cook dinner AND play with Nate, but DH cooks if I have a recipe for him to follow. If Nate's in a "Daddy mood" DH will watch him while I cook, but sometimes he just prefers to be in the kitchen with me. I either hold him or put him up on the counter while I cook.
We do bath time as a family, then I put Nate to bed. After he's in bed, DH and I usually watch TV together. By the time he's in bed, it's about 8 pm, and neither of us feel like running errands anyway.
On weekends, sometimes he keeps DS at home & I grocery shop, or we all go out to Target as a family. I grocery shop and he takes Nate to the toys and books until I'm done. We spend almost all of our weekend time together as a family.
DH has band rehearsal 1 night a week, so I consider that part of his "me time." Even if he complains about it sometimes, it's something he does for fun (and to be a better musician) each week.
I try to go to the mom's nights out when I can and I try to meet a friend out for dinner once a month or so. Any time I need a break, I just tell DH and I take off for the evening. I normally just go to Target. I also tell him whenever I need a break from bed time and he takes care of that for me.
The exchange is that DH gets up with DS 99.99% of the time when he wakes up in the middle of the night, and has since he was 1. He doesn't wake up very often now, but I really love not getting up at night. Oh, and we trade off weekend mornings to sleep-in.
If I were you, I wouldn't feel guilty. Most of the time I'm not annoyed at my lack of "me time." I honestly consider my time at work to be "me time." It's quiet, I can listen to music or an audio book, I can have a quiet cup of coffee, and that's good. Whenever I need more than that, I just tell DH and we make it happen. As long as your DH is happy, you should be happy too.
Blog
same here, DH never does anything and here lately Ive been doing tons of stuff. MNI, 31 party, another MNI, working out of town etc. etc. I could go on and on. I do bring AT to DC and take him home but thats only bc its here at work.
IDK i feel bad when I do stuff bc we rarely get enough time alone, but he needs to take more effort in that....but i feel your pain.
pretty much none. dh's only "me" time is his hour commute to and from work.... which i don't think really counts either.
neither of us have any friends local to us and we live in the middle of nowhere... so there isn't any hanging out w/friends to deal with...
the only time that happens is when we visit our parents in our hometown, and dh spends some time w/friends w/o me or ds, and i'll hang w/my mom w/o ds or dh sometimes. it's pretty equal.
I don't have kids but I get what your saying. DH definately gets more "me" time then me and he feels so bad about it. I on the other hand don't care that he does. I enjoy spending my spare time with him. He doesn't work so he gets 10 hrs daily of "me" time and then every once in a while he will go out with friends and I'll get some free time as well as him. I don't have many friends to hang out with so usually I just chill at home and do something I like to do.
But all in all we spend most of our time together.. guess we are just weird like that.
First off, if your DH is fine with you going out, try not to let it bother you. He may be perfectly content being at home with DD as his "me" time.
We're in a bit of a different position where DH gets waaaay more me time than I do. He's training for a marathon, so I'm left at home 8-10 hours a week while he runs. To some people that's not much, but DD is going through a very needy stage right now and those hours can feel like an eternity. And, because of that, if I want to take me time, I don't feel bad about it!
Try not to have wife guilt! I know it's hard, but it doesn't do you any good!
I like to give the Bald One heck because he goes out almost every week and DD's for one of his friends as the two of them do music promotion. Me, I get out of the house to go to work...which, I don't think counts as "me time" - especially when you figure in that I'm an admin and don't ever really get to tell someone to bugger off (no matter how tempting it might be).
Recently I had to go out of town for four days (M aft - F am) and left him home alone with the Gummi Bear. Her sleep schedule went to heck, he was grumpy and she was clingy. I got back and had a little growth attached to me any time I was home for the next week and a half. In exchange, I'm taking her this weekend to my parents and he gets to have three carefree nights to do whatever he may want.
I try to get some "me time" in while I'm at work -- a lunch out with my girlfriends and the like to balance it out, but for the most part, he gets more out time without us just because I feel guilty he's stuck home all day with her while I'm at work.
We get an hour or two every night together once DS goes to bed, but we're usually so tired, we don't do anything. I do get an extra hour of me time on Wednesday nights, when I have choir practice at church. Otherwise, all our time is spent working or doing housework and playing with DS.
I get me time some nights when Allie goes to bed, DH goes and watches tv in the garage. But I wouldn't have it any other way.
I drop off and pick up at the babysitter's, we all play in the evenings, I do her bedtime routine/bath every night. I take her to run most errands with me, like grocery shopping because she loves it... and so do I. DH will watch tv some evenings in the garage and he runs errands by himself. I am very happy the way it is though.
Me time? What the heck is that? DH gets way more "me time" than I've ever seen. It mostly has to do with our work schedules. He works 3rd shift, 3 days on 2 days off. The nights that he's off he still stays up all night so he gets a good 8-9 hours 2-3 nights a week all to himself to do whatever he wants. He usually watches tv, surfs the web or occasionally he'll clean up around the house. He'll go to the gym as soon as they open or run to Wal-Mart in the middle of the night if he wants. It's not like he's going out with friends or anything but he does have a quiet house all to himself quite a bit.
Me on the other hand, I get up with C every morning, get him and me ready for the day, get him to daycare, work, pick him up from daycare, get him situated at home while I cook dinner, eat, clean up the kitchen, bath, play and then get him to bed every night. He doesn't go to bed until I do so I have no "me time" in the evenings. Sometimes when DH is off he'll do bath time but that's not often and it's only 10 minutes. 99% of the time C goes with me to the grocery store because I usually go on Sat or Sun afternoon and DH is usually sleeping. Any other errands that I run are usually weaved into my work day somehow if I need to run out for something for work.
I'm dying for DH to get a first shift job so he can help me out a little more and give me a little more time to myself...especially when N arrives. I'll really be 24-7 then!
The only me time I get is when I'm working during the day or when I'm grocery shopping (ususally do this on the weekends in the morning). DH did mention that I should get out of the house more though! I do drop off / pick up unless I have a 7:30AM meeting, I come home cook dinner, do bathtime, nighttime routine etc. After Ella goes to bed - I usually do some more work, catch up on emails, veg in front of TV, etc (so I guess this is me time
It's been hard lately though b/c DH has been working on our other house all day Sat / Sunday so we can fix it up and rent (hopefully sell) soon- but honestly I know he'd rather be with us.
My Sweet Girls