- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
2nd Trimester
Coming Home from Hospital & Your Parents
I'm at my inlaws right now for the weekend and last night I was sitting in another room when I heard my husband and his mother start discussing when she can come when this baby is due/born.. she wants to come the week before I'm due (I'm saying absolutely no to this).. and then all of a sudden I hear my husband say that when we all come home from hospital his mom and my mom (and probably my dad) can all live happily ever after in our newly finished basement together. Lots of issues here, but most being that our parents just don't mesh well.. they come from two completely different worlds.
I interrupted and said that I don't want both sets of our parents at the house that first week. I love the thought of them coming and helping out, since we have no family where we live... but not at the same time - way too overwhelming. So my husband said my parents can come the first week and his mom the second week.. I just feel like I'm in an awkward position right now for some reason. How are you handling this if you're in the same boat?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Coming Home from Hospital & Your Parents
It sounds like your husband handled it for you. It seems perfectly reasonable to me, and probably nicer than what we're doing (my mom can come stay with us, his mom can't. In my defense, my mom lives 1000 miles away and would need somewhere to stay when she came. His mom lives 45 minutes away andplusalso we don't get along at all. So she can come, but she can't stay.)
Back to your situation though - don't overthink it. Your husband's solution is reasonable (your parents the first week, his mom the next week) and as long as he's willing to communicate this to his mom (what would be most helpful to us is to have a couple of weeks of help. we'd love to have you x week, and by then baby and I will be feeling better/more ready to interact), I don't see a problem.
~EDD Nov 18, 2017 with my IUI success story~
[spoiler]
My mom only lives 10 minutes away but she came every morning and spent the day with us the first week to help out and believe me it was great! I cried when she was going back to work lol.
I know how you feel. My parents live close by but my husbands parents live in GA. Every year we switch holidays. So this year his parents have us for thanksgiving (we are meeting them in PA where my husbands other family lives) and Christmas will be with my parents here.
A few weeks ago we were discussing my shower and his mother said she would like to throw a little shower in PA while we are there. I said that sounds great. Then she also informed me that they want to come back to our house after thanksgiving and stay for..... 3 weeks or more. ahhh. I know there plan is to stay three weeks and then just say "ya know we are so close to the baby being born we might as well just stay on through January"
I talked to my husband about this and said there is no way I will be able to handle having them here for that long while im huge and ready to pop. They are both retired so they drive up here and usually just stay until they decide to go home.And they also like to invite all of their friends that live here over to the house and have dinners and get togethers. And I tend to feel like im the guest.
I know they want to help out and obviously i want them to see the baby but I don't think it would be right to have them as quests from thanksgiving until the middle of January. I just really dont think I could deal with a visit that long. My husband told them that long of a visit right before the baby is born just isnt a good idea, but who knows if they will listen.
They are great to us and we love them a ton obviously, but would all you ladies be ok with that long? ugh!!! I feel like im being bratty about it but at the same time it would be alot to handle around that time. ugh
In the beginning is when you are most likely to be physically uncomfortable and not feeling well. When I get this way (and I think most people, too) I don't want someone else's mom taking care of me, I want MY mom!!! Not unreasonable at all!!!
(I'm lucky though when it comes to this kind of stuff bc my MIL lives 5 mins away and she NEVER has to stay with us :-D We get along well and all but I wouldn't want her staying with us!!!)
This !!!
My parents and my in-laws get along really well. My MIL and my mom email each other actually. I prefer having my mom around when my MIL is there. They entertain each other and bother me less.
DH and I have started to discuss this recently. We have not yet come to a decision. We live in CT. My parents live in MD, so it's a 4-5 hour drive, but definitely driveable. I figure that they will start to drive up when we are at the hospital in active labor. My in-laws live in Charlotte, so a plane ride away. This is what DH and I were discussing. Would they book their flight once the baby is born? Would they just have a flight booked at 41.5 weeks? Both sets of parents will obviously stay at a hotel bc we live in a small apt. I'm very close to my mom, but she also drives me nuts sometimes. The funny thing is even though my MIL is bossy, she's also more generous than my mom. So I can totally picture her calling as they leave their hotel and saying, "Dad and I are picking up lunch. What do you guys want?"
I told DH whatever we decide, it's got to be our decision. And the excited first-time grandparents on both sides will have to understand that this is how it's going to be.
The Mouse ~ 06.12.08 | The Froggy ~ 02.23.11
I would lose my mind if anyone was staying with me other than my husband in those first few weeks, but everyone's home and family situations is different. We have one full bathroom which is tiny and the spare bedroom is becoming the nursery this week. Even now before the baby the bathroom factor has driven my parents to stay at a lovely hotel right around the block from us when they visit. My ILs stay with us, but there is no way they would expect to those first few weeks. Both sets of parents are 4 hours by car away, so they will get a call when I'm in labor and then they can come and stay in a hotel as soon as they want to get here. It sounds cruel, but we just don't have a ton of space. It sounds like you have more space though and if they are helpful generally, it might be nice to have them around!
Oh my. I can't believe many think this is an option, but then again we live in a condo - which is perfect for us and prevents family from coming/staying over. My parents are welcome to come and be over and stay at a hotel but after the way MIL has treated me the last two times she's lucky if she gets to see my child in the first two weeks.
I'd have them stay at a hotel. You need time alone.
Our baby site: Baby Cragg
Apparently this is the unpopular opinion, but I don't think it's unreasonable to want to be alone for a time before you start having extended visitors stay in your home. When grandparents stay for an extended time after a birth, it's rarely because they actually want to be there to "help" (cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc). They want to take care of the baby, which is something you need to learn how to do.
The biggest complaint that I've seen with people dealing with extended visitors directly after a birth is that they feel that they have to entertain their guests, cook, etc while the vistors take care of the baby. The only time they actually get their child back is when they need to BF and then they're uncomfortable and shut themselves up in a room because they don't want to flash their parents/ILs.
If you're not comfortable with extended visitors in your home that soon after you give birth, you need to speak up. If they insist they still want to come for a visit then they can stay in a hotel, visit when you say it's ok, and go back to their hotel at night. You need to bond with your baby and learn to care for them on your own. You can't do that if your parents and ILs are there for weeks "hogging" the baby for themselves.
Maybe your parents and ILs are the type to come over and dutifully clean the house, cook meals, take out the trash, and help with laundry while they leave you to bond with your baby, set your own schedule, and join in occasionally, but it's rare that that actually happens.
http://pandce.****/index.cgi#general
Do whatever you want to, but make sure you appreciate the offers for help. When I brought #2 home all of the grandparents were out of town and my husband had to go back to work two days after the birth. I had to do it all on my own and it was really hard. I wouls have given anything to have family living with me, heck they could have shared a bed with me if it would have meant I could get some sleep.
I'm sure your family will understand whatever you decide to do. Just don't underestimate how much you're going to want that help when the baby is here.
This exactly. Both sets of parents live 10+ hours away, so we're going to tell them we do not want overnight guests for the first few weeks. If they want to visit earlier, they can stay in a hotel and come see us/baby during the day.
Could be true, but it's not fair to have her parents there and not his. I'm sorry, but it's their grandchild too, and her husband has the right to want his parents there.
Reading comprehension fail much?
I never said she should invite her parents and not his. Re-read and you'll see this. I always referred to the grandparents as "grandparents" or "your parents and ILs" to imply both sets of parents. I even threw in a few "extended visitors" to cover aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, clergy members, and any other animal, vegetable or mineral who might feel entitled to invade the home of new parents before they're ready.
http://pandce.****/index.cgi#general
I don't think she said anything about having one set of parents, but not the other. I'm pretty sure she was saying neither set in the beginning.
We actually live within 20 minutes of both sets of grandparents, but even if we didn't I wouldn't want anyone staying with us at all in the first couple weeks. That is very important time spent bonding with your child and having all those extra people around is a huge intrusion, IMO.