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Breastfeeding
AACraven85
member
Why do you think so many women give up? (long)
AACraven85
member
I have a great desire to breastfeed my baby, but my greatest fear of parenting in general thus far is having it not work out.
I have friends/family that have ranged in experiences and advice from not even attempting and thinking it's "strange" (sigh), attempting and saying it hurt and generally being negative about it, a friend who recently tried but seems to have all but given up after a month (and seems kind of ashamed about it, which makes me sad) and my sister who was able to breastfeed for a better part of a year (nursing, pumping & supplementing with formula on an increasing basis). I don't know anyone IRL that has been able to avoid formula entirely.
For those that have successfully breastfed for at least 6 mo-a year, what was the hardest part for you? (Latching? Pain? Keeping up Supply?) How were you able to conquer your issues? Bonus if answers come from moms that work full time and have to rely on pumping as well. Also, did you attend a lactation class before birth? Do you feel this helped you at all?
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Re: Why do you think so many women give up? (long)
I've been BFing Drew for 13+ months and never used a drop of formula (he does drink whole milk during the day now). It's the best decision I've made and I absolutely love nursing him. Still, I very much understand why people give up.
Even when BFing works well (no major complications) it's still very challenging at the beginning. You have some discomfort/pain, you're exhausted, baby is eating round the clock, sometimes feeding for an hour and then screaming for the breast again 45 min later. Sometimes they fuss at the breast and you worry something is wrong, other times they fall asleep at the breast and you worry something is wrong. All this craziness passes of course...but when you are deep in the middle of it and working on no sleep it's easy to want to quit. I wanted to quit so many times.
So what's the difference btwn those that actually DO quit and those that stick with it? All things being equal (again, barring medical complications) I think there are three big differences: education, support, and commitment (or one might say, stubbornness).
Over the last year and a half I've had 10 friends who had babies. All but one started out BFing and 7 of us stuck with it until at least 6 mo. The two that switched to formula - neither one knew what to expect. They didn't know that some weight loss after birth was normal, or to wake their baby to nurse until they reach birthweight, or that clusterfeeding was normal. They didn't have much support from husbands and family. And they weren't really ready to stick it out through the tough times.
Both friends have since shared with me that they really regret switching to FF. They've asked me about my experience and turns out we really went through the same stuff. Except I knew that a lot of it was normal, had major support from DH, my mom, and the hospital LC (who I called frequently), and just commited to sticking with BFing one day at a time.
Sorry this got so long!.
I only fed from my breast for two weeks. When I was pregnant I was really intent on breast feeding. I read books and watched videos, talked to friends and went to a class. None of that prepared me for the pain, frustration, supply issues, thrush, infected nipples, and mastitis. The night that I couldn't feed my baby because I didn't have enough breast milk and had to supplement with formula I bawled and kept apologizing to my two week old for failing him.
I had several meetings with a lactation consultant and finally decided to switch to exclusively pumping and giving a bottle. My baby is now 9 weeks old and gets 99% breast milk from a bottle. While I would have loved to continue offering him my breast, this is the process that worked for us. I felt horrible in the beginning but finally realized that I am doing my best to make sure my son gets breast milk and that really is the most important thing for me.
Good luck!
If we have another child I will attempt at the breast again but at least know that EP'ing works for me too.
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As someone else said, I really think that more women would breastfeed and do it for longer if they had more support. Of course, there are medical situations that can interfere, but I think most women just don't know that it's going to be so difficult and complicated at times.
I've been very lucky. DD latched right after delivery and we've had a pretty easy road. However, I had some pain when she got a bit bigger and I wasn't holding her correctly. I had oversupply on my left side and DD would sputter and choke when nursing for a while. I also panicked when my breasts began to feel soft and empty, thinking my milk was gone.
The key for me has been that my 2nd cousin (or something?) is a LC. We had little contact until I got pregnant, but she has been an amazing resource for me. I email her and call her. We even did a consultation over Skype video! Obviously, not everyone has a relative they can turn to in this way, but finding other women who are experienced with BFing and a LC that you trust is hugely important.
There have been times when I've felt so much weight on my shoulders because it's solely up to me to nourish my baby and I really never thought I'd enjoy nursing, but I do and I'm grateful that I've had support to keep doing it!
My DD is 6 months old today, and I am still nursing her! We had a very difficult beginning. I had an unplanned c/s, and my milk did not come in. She lost over 10% of her birth weight in the hospital, and the pedis wanted us to supplement (which I did for four days). Then, I had latch issues due to a "dimpled" nipple, and my daughter only ever has latched to one breast. I have nursed her for 6 months from one side, and for the first 5 months, I pumped the other side to help build a freezer stash no less than 3 times/day. I rented a hospital grade pump in the beginning with the hopes of drawing out the dimpled side so that she'd latch, and I tried a nipple shield.
For the first 6 weeks, I used lanolin on my nipples multiple times a day. Even the pumped side hurt. My DD wanted to eat every hour during the day for days at a time during growth spurts. She'd finish eating, and 15 minutes later, she'd want to eat again because she took 45 minutes the first time. They say to count time between feedings from when one starts, not when it ends. It was exhausting and frustrating, and I wanted to give up. I set VERY small goals for myself, such as "I am not going to quit today." Then it became, "I am not going to quit this week."
Once we passed the 6-week mark, DD started sleeping for one four hour stretch at night, and I really started to be able to read her hunger cues.
I think I have made it this far because, like pp mentioned, I was stubborn. I was determined to make it work. Plus, I was on maternity leave for 13 weeks, so my only job was to feed and take care of my baby. Anything worth doing in life takes hard work and determination, right? I had great support from my DH. He was great. He never made me feel bad or encouraged me to quit. He and I both took a breastfeeding class when I was pregnant.
I have been back at work for 3 months, and I pump 3x/day at work and nurse when I am with her. Up until last Monday (5months, 3weeks), she was fed breast milk exclusively. After 3 months of pumping, my output at work is not as good as it once was (I get 12oz. out of 3 sessions vs. 15oz I was getting). She now gets about 3 5oz. bottles of formula per week.
My new goal is to make it to 9 months. I think setting small goals for yourself will be key! Oh, and I used the lactation consultants in the hospital A TON! They were a huge help. I asked for them 2-3 times/day when I was in the hospital (four days). And I learned to nurse lying down in bed. This has helped. And I bought a Boppy, which was great!
Good luck to you!
Going back to work full time really stressed me out, i didn't have a stash built up, so pumping just enough for his next day's bottles made me nervous. Two things have helped me relax and really settle back into enjoying nursing. one: I added an extra pumping session and started taking fenugreek..i feel like a bad employee for spending so much time pumping, but I now have enough for an extra bottle every day or two. and I (**gasp**) gave him a bottle of formula. that was the single, most freeing thing I have done. I took the stress off of myself by proving that he would eat formula, taking away the chance of me saying "he's never had a drop of formula", and it gave DH a lot more comfort because he knew that he could feed DS if I wasn't around for some reason and didn't have any bottles of BM.
THIS! A lot of it really is stubborness and how much you're willing to do to commit. At least it was for me. LO got jaundice and had to be put under lights, but instead of letting them give him one bottle of formula, I pumped every two hours for a day in order to give him 2 ounces. My husband slept in the waiting room so he could feed our son via syringe at 3 am so that a bottle wouldn't potentially mess up breastfeeding. (That and he couldn't bare to leave our son at the hospital alone.)
LO had problems latching, especially on the left boob. But I was always determined to make it work, no matter how long it took or how painful it was.
That's just me... I'm a stubborn biatch.
I didn't read the replies. BFing is hard work those first few weeks. The pain sucks. Infections that can come are even worse. Once you get past that hurdle of 6 weeks it really can be so much easier. Don't dwell on your supply unless LO is not gaining. You have breasts for a reason and for most women they really do do their job without issues. DS1 was a preemie and we supplemented a lot, but we made to 9 months. DS2 I have had a bunch on infections, but we have not given formula for 3 months.
I really wish i would have done a class before I had DS1. I have heard nothing but great things about them. Find a good LC now so that once LO is born you already know who to call if you have questions because you will have questions.
Good Luck.
This is such an excellent question! I wanted to breastfeed really bad and was also worried it wouldn't work out. My son is 9 months old and we're breastfeeding.
Try to get as much information as you can now, before your baby is born. Keep studying positions and keep talking to people, it really helps. I had DH go to breastfeeding class and it really helped him understand stuff too and when we were trying for the first time I could kind of ask him if he thought the baby looked like he was latched correctly. It really helped for him to understand everything.
I think one big thing is noone every really said how HARD breastfeeding is. It's also quite painful! It really takes awhile for your nipples to get used to it. I remember almost crying when he first latched on. Nothing was wrong, he was latched correctly, it just hurts getting used to it. The first 6 weeks are the most difficult, the baby seems like it eats all the time, and it takes a long time for them to eat. We had a lot of problems getting DS to sleep at all in the beginning too so that probably didn't help the situation at all. I remember feeling very overwhelmed, though.
I have a lot of food allergies so I am VERY determined to breastfeed! I want to do everything in my power to keep DS and any future children I have from suffering the way I have. I WAS going to make it work somehow! That's what's kept us going. Hope everything goes well for you! Keep asking questions, even if they seem dumb, and don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it or even if you aren't sure! Good luck!
Very well said, this is also very much like my experience too. (OP-check out my BFing blog).
I would suggest to anyone attempting to BF to have your DH go to a class with you, read books, and attend LLL meetings in advance--or at the very least right away when LO is born. Surround yourself with educated, experienced people who can help you. And make clear to your supporter what kind of support you want. My mom BF us as babies, but also bottle fed. When she saw me crying in pain her response was to protect her daughter by saying "one bottle of formula a day wouldnt hurt F". Well I didnt want a way out. I wanted support and encouragment. I had my sister and DH be there for me. Mainly my sister, since she BF her two kids for 10 months and 2 years. I told her I wanted to hear it would get better, and she helped me through it and it did get better.
I was SO tempted by the formula samples in my cabinet. I never used them, but I suggest not having any in the house. I think many women quit because their expectations were unrealistic and that formula is readily available and kinda pushed by doctors, hospitals and advertising.
GL to you and follow your instinct more than anyone else's advice.
I've been BFing for 6 months. The first 4-5 weeks were the most difficult. It hurt for her to latch, but I was being told that she had a good latch. After that time, the pain went away and it was smooth sailing. The other hard part is the dependency on the mom for frequent on demand nursing. I got almost no sleep because DH couldn't help by giving a bottle. Almost everyone that I see supplementing, end up having trouble with their supply which means more supplementing. The feeding on demand builds your supply, so even if DH feeds a pumped bottle then I'd have to pump.
I have had no supply issues. I returned back to work at 12 weeks post-partum doing 12 hour shifts. Then I resigned and now work on an "as needed" basis. I work in an ER and it's hard to find time to pump, which makes it more difficult. BFing is really important to me though, so I make it work.
I think knowledge is power in this case. If you're really commited, learn as much as you can. Take the BFing class and see a lactation consultant in the hospital (and later if needed). Also, attend BFing support groups after the LO is here for any questions. Surround yourself with people that have EBF or BF, even if that means becoming a frequent lurker on the BFing board.
Good luck!!!
I did the same thing! My nipples were so cracked and sore I couldn't bear nursing so I gave DD a bottle of formula...I bawled and felt like I let down my baby and I was a failure as a mother. The next day I started pumping through the horrible pain (every 2 hours) and only had to supplement 3-4 bottles before I had enough BM to EBF again, and I have a great freezer stash now too!
Don't give up, fight through the pain and know your doing something amazing for your LO that no one else can.
lol. This sounds like me! We had to deal with being admitted for jaundice as well and I was determined not to give her formula. Then I came home just as determined to make it work even when the pain was unbearable.
Now I'm glad that I stuck it out!
I'm only three months in, but I think a big reason women give up on BFing is the unpredictability of the feedings. You never really know when LO is going to need to eat or how long it will take. That can be very frustrating for women who need to have a schedule or who need to focus on their work. I work from home two days a week, and my work day extends long because of the sometimes frequent, often unpredictable breaks for feeding.
When I first started, I thought I was only going to stick it out for sixmonths, but now my goal is to go longer than one year, based on DS's needs and wants. It can be overwhelming knowing that I am the only source of food for him, but it is also amazing to think that my body can do that for him. And I can't bear the thought of giving that up, at least not yet.
DH and I attended a class, and I think it was more helpful for him than for me. For me, the experience of doing it, of weaning off the formula supplement and working through the pain and learning curve were the most important. But having my DH know what to expect and how important BFing is have been a huge help. He understands why I want to work through any problems and keep doing this, and he has some strategies to help me.
GL!
I think it's a little unfair to call it "giving up," because the truth is that it is HARD and I think some people decide it is not worth it to them for whatever reason. It's not my place to judge.
The hardest part for me was that I did not take a BF class and was clueless and stressed in the early weeks. DD took a while to regain birth weight and the pedi kept pushing supplementation, and I was just freaking out. We were using a nipple shield for flat nipples and she was nursing all.the.time but still not gaining much, and I just plain didn't know that this was normal. I stressed out a lot over it when I didn't need to. I was also coming off a really, really long labor that did not go the way I planned and I think I was frustrated and disappointed in my body for a while. Getting through that phase was the hardest for me.
I thought pumping at work would be the hardest part, but once I got into a routine with that it has been really no big deal. In fact, here I am pumping as we speak and DD is 13 months old. I am having trouble giving it up!
I wrote this post when I couldn't sleep last night, so I'm just now reading the responses. Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to let me know about your trials & tribulations. Although I'm still scared of failing, I feel better about feeling this way. It seems like maybe it is GOOD to feel this way from the responses.. it sounds more realistic and seems to set you up for a better outcome if you expect that it indeed IS going to be hard.
I will definitely take a class at the hospital I give birth. I was thinking about asking my husband to attend with me, and now I know I will ask him to be there for sure. This seems like a great idea, so he can know the process and help me troubleshoot when things get difficult. I've already expressed to him how important this is to me, and that I really do not want to give up. I know most other people around me will want to suggest supplementing with formula at the first sign of difficulty, and that definitely is not the support I want. I know that medical situations can get in the way, and I definitely support people that have to supplement or FF, but I really don't want it to be the first thing I turn to when the going gets tough.
Thank you so much ladies! Your advice was INVALUABLE!
For those that have successfully breastfed for at least 6 mo-a year, what was the hardest part for you? (Latching? Pain? Keeping up Supply?) The hardest part for me was the pain in the beginning. I went to a lactation consultant at the hospital and it was the best $60 I've ever spent. She showed me where my LO and I needed to adjust our technique (his nose was too far away from my nipple). She also gave us a recipe for "all-purpose nipple ointment" that I took to my OB to have prescribed. It saved me! Also, no one told me that it was going to hurt terribly for the first 3 weeks or so and be pretty uncomfortable all the way up to 6 weeks or so. I actually cried sometimes when I fed DS, it was that bad. I don't share this with you to scare you. I just want you to know that it does get better, and I think it is totally worth it! DS is 10 months now, and we are still breastfeeding. I have not had to supplement.
How were you able to conquer your issues? Like some of the other moms said: I'm stubborn. Support from husband and family. Also understanding and support from the employer and co-workers. I think the key to success is making sure that you don't delay pumping at work. If you have to prolong the time between pumping sessions at work, your supply could go down. Also, husband understanding and taking on a lot of the housework in the first 6 weeks so that DS and I could focus on feedings.
Also, did you attend a lactation class before birth? Do you feel this helped you at all? No, I didn't. But both my mom and my sister were able to successfully breastfeed without supplementing, so I knew I could turn to them. I also took full advantage of the free lactation consultations in the hospital while I was there recovering from my c-section. I called on them often to help me, since I knew I would be on my own when I returned home. It was also important to me that I get to BF as soon after delivery as possible. My son latched on in the recovery room.
I was like you. I was so concerned about wanting to EBF. We are only having one child (because of medical reasons), and so I knew this was my only chance, and I put a lot of pressure on myself. You have to be diligent and work around your nursing and pumping sessions.
We got lucky. We had no complications. No latching issues. No supply issues. No infections etc. I have a supportive spouse, family, and employer. And a flexible enough schedule to be able to nurse and pump when I need to. Not every mom is that lucky. I am so impressed with what some moms on here have had to go through to continue to BF, and they make it through. You can do it, too!
The important thing to remember, though, is that while EBF is best for baby, it isn't an all or none thing. Some moms make it work by supplementing. And the MOST important thing is that your baby is loved and cared for. If BF creates a bunch of anxiety, sleep deprivation, and all that goes with it--sometimes the best way to be able to love and care for your baby is to give up BF. It is a difficult decision, but one some moms end up having to make. It is also important to remember that sometimes it doesn't work out (milk never comes in, you have to go on medication that is incompatible with breastfeeding etc). BM is only one factor in giving your child the best possible start. You can't beat yourself up if you have to (or find you want to) stop BFing.
I'm going to answer even though I've only been doing it for 4 months. I know for a fact that I WOULD have given up those first few weeks if I didn't have the support from my sister, husband and lactation consultant. They are what kept me going. I had really damaged nipples in the beginning and it hurt for weeks. But then it just started getting better and now we do great.
I did take a breastfeeding class at the hospital and it wasn't helpful at all. The lactation consultant at the hospital was amazing and came to my house 3x a week for the first 3 weeks.
We are at 13 months and no formula. It has been hard but I had my mind set that we would make it to a year. DS does have whole milk now at daycare but hates it.
I went back to school full time when he was 5 months old and had to pump in the bathroom it sucked and I found it was ahrd to pump enough for him sometimes I would need to do an extra pump on the weekend to get more milk.
I also had mastitis three times it is really really painful but the doc said it was best to nurse though the pain for both me and DS.
Latching was horrible at first I needed a LC it was worth it for the help. I called a national breastfeeding hotline one night when it was not going well not sure what the number was but they helped talk me though the no latching screaming baby problem. I have had all the issues just made it a priority to BF we always had formula in the house but I never used it.
Hands-down, the hardest part was pumping. Breastfeeding is super easy, once you get past the initial pain and learning curve (2ish months for me). I pumped at work for 8.5 months and hated every minute of it. But, it allowed me to EBF when I was home with my son, so it was worth it.
Zack has never had formula, so it's totally possible to avoid it if you want to.