Saying hello to a new baby and goodbye to my soldier...

MilitaryWife08 · October 2010

...In the same month! My husband is getting deployed right after our first child is born. Hard to be excited about having a baby. Don't get me wrong, I'm very excited but as soon as I think about being excited to welcome this little girl, I think about how we'll be saying goodbye to the new Daddy. November is going to be a tough month. I'm bless that he'll be home for ten days with us at least.

Anyone have advise or been in this situation?

Thanks!

meltoine · October 2010

Focus on the positive. Your husband will be there to meet your baby when she is born, and hopefully get to spend a couple of weeks with her before he leaves. Plan to have as much "family" time in there as possible - keep visitors to the absolute minimum and just bond together as a new family.

MilitaryWife08 · October 2010

Thank you for your suggestions! I only hope we can keep the visitors to a minimum! Being apart of a huge Italian family and this being the first girl born in over a hundred years it may be easier said than done!

Nicole &Taylor · October 2010

Dear Armywife,

I'm going to be in your shoes come April. I'm due April 11, and my soldier is scheduled to leave not too long after. I find myself full of mixed emotions, and I'm constantly worrying about how i'm going to make things work. I work full time, go to school part time, and now I'm going to be thrown into single parenthood. I don't know if you are a religious person, but my best advice is to give it to God. He never gives us anything we can't handle.

Something we have thought about is being induced a week early, so my husband will have a little extra time with his first little one. I don't know if this is an option you have thought about, but, if not, it might be worth looking into. Best of luck to you ,and we will keep your husband and family in our prayers.

One ArmyWife to another

blakesmommy0907 · October 2010

My husband got deployed when I was 5 months pregnant with our first child. My due date was SO close to his time to come home, we both were hoping and praying he would be there, but he wasn't. He came home and got to meet our son when he was 8 days old. It was hard, but we got through it. I did get quite depressed, before and after the baby. I was living with family while my husband was deployed since I didn't have any friends where we were stationed. I didn't get to do all the normal things to prepare for a baby. I really missed getting to set everything up for baby's room. But now, it is fine. Everything happens for a reason, and I believe God won't give you anything you can't handle! I hope all goes well with you and your family.

iluvmytxrgr · October 2010

MH left when our son was only a week old. It sucked. I tried to look at the positive. B-boy was way to young to realize that his daddy was gone. I sent videos and pics every day so he wasn't missing every thing. I still send them for this deployment. This is the first one where he has actually missed his daddy. He's almost 3 now.

You can do this. Keep a journal or a blog that he can read. Take a ton of pictures and videos. Have him record a book or video of him reading. She will recognize his voice when he comes back. My soon to be 4yr old thinks her daddy actually stops what he is doing over there to read her a book. If he can use Skype or any other form of video chat over there, take advantage of it. It's going to be tough, but it is not impossible. You can do it!

MilitaryWife08 · October 2010

Thank you! We are thinking about inducing me early as well so that he'll be here for the birth. I'm staying with family right now and he's with his unit in KS. It's been hard just being away from him right now. I will give it to God. I think that's the best thing.

Thanks again!

iluvmytxrgr · October 2010

Nicole &Taylor:

Dear Armywife,

I'm going to be in your shoes come April. I'm due April 11, and my soldier is scheduled to leave _____. I find myself full of mixed emotions, and I'm constantly worrying about how i'm going to make things work. I work full time, go to school part time, and now I'm going to be thrown into single parenthood. I don't know if you are a religious person, but my best advice is to give it to God. He never gives us anything we can't handle.

Something we have thought about is being induced a week early, so my husband will have a little extra time with his first little one. I don't know if this is an option you have thought about, but, if not, it might be worth looking into. Best of luck to you ,and we will keep your husband and family in our prayers.

One ArmyWife to another

Could you please take the date that your H is supposed to leave out of your post? Safety first.

MrsMoody2006 · October 2010

I've been there...twice actually. DH left when DD (our first DC) was 2 weeks old...which also happened to be 2 days after Christmas. This deployment he left when DS was 6 weeks.

All you can do is spend those days as a family. Don't worry about seeing other family members, it is all about the three of you. They can wait to meet the new baby.

I never talked to anybody else, and looking back on it I definitely should have. Your hormones are crazy enough after having a baby that a deployment on top of it really makes things difficult. Please PM me if you need someone to talk to.

MilitaryWife08 · October 2010

I don't even know you girls and I already love each of you! It's so nice to hear the different ideas and advice! It makes me feel so much better!

Military Wives certainly are the strongest there is!

Thank you everyone!

meltoine · October 2010

iluvmytxrgr:
Nicole &Taylor:

Dear Armywife,
I'm going to be in your shoes come April. I'm due April 11, and my soldier is scheduled to leave _____. I find myself full of mixed emotions, and I'm constantly worrying about how i'm going to make things work. I work full time, go to school part time, and now I'm going to be thrown into single parenthood. I don't know if you are a religious person, but my best advice is to give it to God. He never gives us anything we can't handle.
Something we have thought about is being induced a week early, so my husband will have a little extra time with his first little one. I don't know if this is an option you have thought about, but, if not, it might be worth looking into. Best of luck to you ,and we will keep your husband and family in our prayers.
One ArmyWife to another
Could you please take the date that your H is supposed to leave out of your post? Safety first.

This x1000. OPSEC OPSEC OPSEC.

Nicole &Taylor · October 2010

Thanks for the catch ladies. I think my baby brain is already taking over. Mistake fixed!

Smudges*Mom · October 2010

Due to training and then deployment, my DH missed the second half of my pregnancy and delivery. He was home for R&R when LO was 2 months old, then redeployed when he was 9 months. . . I was fortunatento be near family, and that helped more than I could have imagined (I had a rough delivery and recovery). I kept faith in knowing that while it was hard for me and for DH, LO didn't even know his daddy was gone. I played the DVD of DH reading to LO as often as I could (honestly, it took me a while to get to where I could play it at all, thanks to postpartum depression). Throw out the ideas of what you ought to do and do what works best for you, your DH and your LO. For me, it was hard, the first week was the hardest. You will be at a disadvantage because you will be dealing with all of the postpartum hormones and all, but you can and will get through it. Talk to your DH about it. . . My DH tends to minimize his emotions just before leaving and while he's gone. I would talk to your DH about what you think you may need from him. How you feel after delivery can not be anticipated, but let your DH know to expect you to be extra emotional. He may expect you to be back to your normal self because you are no longer pregnant. I expected more of myself than was realistic, so had my DH been home, he would have likely expected the same. Best of luck and we are here for you!

ncr279 · October 2010

Not as bad as deployment, but still hard, my DH left for BCT 5 days after DS was born. My doctor actually induced me 2 weeks early so that DH could be there. It was nice to spend the time as the three of us! PPs are right! Try to keep visitors to a minimum and enjoy your time as a family of three. If you explain it to them before your LO gets here, even though they will want to come, I am sure they will understand the situation and be respectful of your wishes. They can all come after your DH leaves... believe me, you will want the company to ease the pain and pass the time! It will be hard at first, but you will get through it! Take lots of pictures to send your DH so that he can keep track of your LO's growth. I know my DH LOVED getting pictures of DS while he was in training! He loved to show DS off to the other soldiers! Keep your head up, and stay positive! and remember... Fake it til you make it! Even if you are sad and weak on the inside, fake happy and strong on the outside and eventually you will get there!

paulinaramirez · October 2010

RealArmyWife08:
...In the same month! My husband is getting deployed right after our first child is born. Hard to be excited about having a baby. Don't get me wrong, I'm very excited but as soon as I think about being excited to welcome this little girl, I think about how we'll be saying goodbye to the new Daddy. November is going to be a tough month. I'm bless that he'll be home for ten days with us at least.
Anyone have advise or been in this situation?
Thanks!

Im in the exact same situation... My husband is leaving towards the end of the month and we are due on the 17th ... im getting extremely panicky that he wont be here for the birth and i understand exactly what you re going through... we even had to ask his mother not to stay for as long as she originally was planning to so that we could have more time together as just a family of three. This will be our first child so its definitely difficult.

Khoulton · October 2010

I had the exact thing happen with my first daughter - had her on Friday Nov. 18th 2005 and he deployed 7 days later-

Everything everyone said is exact- keep family close, talk to others when you need to, love on baby all the time, skype, e-mail and chat with hubby as much as possible-

One thing I did was take a close up pic of DH's face and put it in a soft baby proof frame and that went everywhere with DD from day 1, even when she was in NICU at 3 wks old- she knew her daddy when he came home!

When he came home on R&R he was holding her and she kept looking at his face and then over at the computer screen- I guess she was thinking "How did he get out of the box!"

You will do great! Prayers for you and your soldier!!

ksmielitz · October 2010

Hang in there! Congrats on your upcoming arrival!

DH was there for DS' birth and the first 2.5 months, then was gone for 2 years (a switch from the AF to the Army and his first duty station with the Army was an unaccompanied tour to Korea.) Then, we moved here (Ft. Hood), we had 2 months together and he was gone for a deployment.

We have a baby due in March...God willing I won't have any complications like last time and have to be induced early, as he will be at NTC for most of February...then, after the baby's born, he'll have less time with this one and then will be gone for a deployment.

Take LOTS of pictures, use Skype, get a moveable computer camera, and keep him as involved long distance as you can...it's not easy, but it CAN be done!! PM me if I can be of any help!

proudarmywife08 · October 2010

I've given birth twice with DH just making it home RIGHT before their births and only staying for about 10 days after. It sucks, but like PP said, look to the positive. I always reminded myself that as much as it sucks for me, I got to be lucky enough to have that time with our children. He missed it and I know he was really upset about that, I'm sure they all are. But remember, the baby will be too small to know that daddy is gone and won't ever remember it. Baby will be able to bond with daddy when he comes home. Single parent status also sucks but once you get into a routine with LO time will fly by.

MrsP052909 · October 2010

I am in the same situation right now. My son was born in the middle of August and DH left at the end of the month for his 2nd deployment. If you need to talk, I'm available!

dannafofanna · October 2010

DH deployed right when Harper turned 2 months old. It's rough, I won't lie. Add to the fact that I am also in the military which means more working hours than a regular full time job and that I'm taking college classes and it's crazy. But I wouldn't trade the crazy for anything because being so busy is helping the time fly and doesn't give me much time to feel sorry for myself. I'm sorry there isn't anything specific I can tell you that will make it easier for YOU but I do have some suggestions on how to make it easier for DH. When I think about if it were ME having to leave it makes me want to cry. Just think of all they are having to miss... it's heartbreaking. If you have any questions or just need to vent at all feel free to PM me. I'm just a few months ahead of you so everything is still fresh in my memory.

CCCSLP1 · October 2010

Wow I could have written this post myself. We are expecting our 1st baby (a girl) in November and DH will also be leaving for his 1st deployment before the month is over. I have tried to be optimistic and excited, but in a way I feel cheated out of the "excitement" of the first baby on the way. Most of our preparations (setting up the nursery, organizing the house we moved into in May, etc) have felt like prepping for deployment rather than prepping for baby. Sometimes I am overwhelmed with sadness b/c DH has wanted a baby for years, and now that we're finally going to have one, he is going to miss out on her whole first year. He is gone right now for predeployment training and I am so lonely, but it makes me thankful that I am blessed to have the baby on the way to keep me busy and bring me joy while DH is deployed. Anyway, I would love to maintain contact with you if you are interested... is this your first deployment too? Also, when is your baby due? Ours is due Nov 12th. Feel free to PM me if you'd like.

Lithigin · October 2010

RealArmyWife08:
Thank you! We are thinking about inducing me early as well so that he'll be here for the birth. I'm staying with family right now and he's with his unit in KS. It's been hard just being away from him right now. I will give it to God. I think that's the best thing.

Thanks again!

The docs at FOrt Bragg would not induce before 41 or 42 weeks for exactly this situation. Perhaps they will for you. I had DD 11 days after DH deployed for 15 months. You'll make it through, and you are completely entitled to the irrational crying bursts that will come up doing the single parent thing. I've absolutely been there.

As far as family time, I would make your wishes known to your family now. One or two of them there for the birth if that's your thing, then no visitors until after DH deploys. In fact, you may want a few days to yourself to be sad for his departure before you're thrown into family-helping mode. Which is great, but sometimes you need some alone time before the support. At least I do.

GOod luck! I hope it's some comfort that thousands of us have had to do the same thing. Your well-meaning friends and family will say "I don't know how you do it," and it used to drive me crazy, but now I can take it as a compliment: "You're stronger than I am and I admire that" is what they're really saying.

Belinda L · October 2010

*hugs*

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