sad, mom sort of ruined our middle name. help me with a new one (long)

pregaftertubal · October 2010

so we're having a girl and telling everyone her name but we were keeping the middle name a secret and just saying we haven't thought of one yet. we were SO excited because we decided to put our moms names together to make our LO's middle name (marilinda-maribeth and linda) so we loved it, thought it was great, blah blah blah. enter my mom the other day (who whenever anyone is trying to name a baby feels her opinions are the only ones that count) who says to me "how about malinda for me and linda?????" I just felt so upset, like she totally took this away from us.

to understand my mom, she has driven everyone who loves her away because she's a very controlling, rude, opinionated, overbearing person who has offended everyone she comes into contact with! once durning a previouse pregnancy when we told her of a name we liked she of course didn't like it (and berated us over it) she cut out an article in the paper of someone in police beat who had the same name!!!??? YES, she is my mother and yes she loves us very much BUT, we have had a very hard relationship. it is a struggle and i try very hard to get along with her. many times i have kept my mouth shut just to keep the peace.

BUT now i feel like she has ruined our excitement. if we were to use the name we thought, she would be taking all the credit and telling everyone that it was HER idea and it for sure would hurt my MIL's feelings as well.

i'm trying REAL hard not to be bitter and biotchy about this!!!! but i just can't give her this name now! so maybe you all can give me some ideas. her name will be Josie, what do ya think goes with that????

erbear · October 2010

well, honestly, I like Malinda much better than Marilinda.

Also, I think it's weird that your mom would even suggest you name your baby after her. Ew.

How about Josie Elizabeth or Josie Katherine or Josie Anne?

Mrs.Husband · October 2010

Use the name. Seriously. Your mom saying "malinda" is not the same as your decision to use "marilinda". And even if she tries to claim credit, who cares. Really. You can politely tell her that in fact you had the name prior to her suggestion if you must. But really...and why would your MIL be upset? She's a grown woman. Admittedly, your post sort of confuses me.

Just an aside, but ...if your mom is such a rude, overbearing person, why would you name your child after her? Just wondering.

Good luck with your decision.

KyleTrigger · October 2010

Wow I can understand why you are upset. We aren't going to tell anyone we know the name until after she is born because I find it so rude when people tell you they hate a name or it reminds them of so and so who picked their nose, etc.

I find it hard to suggest names to people b/c what I like probably is not their style. I have only liked 1 or 2 of my friends childrens names but that is okay. They probably won't like my childs name either.

I was thinking Josie Marie sounded pretty? Do you have any other family names you could use? Maybe a very special grandma? We are using his grandmas name and can't wait to tell her.

I am sorry she ruined your suprise. I would be totally bummed too.

cherryblssm · October 2010

I guess I don't really understand why you think that your mom took something away from you by suggesting a middle name that is close to what you wanted. IMO, I think you could absolutely still use the name you chose and it would still be a surprise...and even if your mom later thinks that SHE came up with the name, who cares? You and your DH know the truth.

BTW, my parents are both really opinionated and overbearing, too. We have decided not to share the names we picked with them just because we don't want to hear their opinions about them, but I don't think I would be upset if they suggested a name for us to use that was the same name we picked out.

Shanin8 · October 2010

Mrs.Husband:
Just an aside, but ...if your mom is such a rude, overbearing person, why would you name your child after her? Just wondering.
Good luck with your decision.

This. And I'm not really sure how you can be so upset with her when she had no idea that that was what you were planning.

inque223 · October 2010

Mrs.Husband:
Use the name. Seriously. Your mom saying "malinda" is not the same as your decision to use "marilinda". And even if she tries to claim credit, who cares. Really. You can politely tell her that in fact you had the name prior to her suggestion if you must. But really...and why would your MIL be upset? She's a grown woman. Admittedly, your post sort of confuses me.
Just an aside, but ...if your mom is such a rude, overbearing person, why would you name your child after her? Just wondering.
Good luck with your decision.

I second this.

AlliB101 · October 2010

The thing about naming your baby is that you only need to please yourself and your husband. Everybody will have an opinion on the name you pick, no matter what, some good, some bad. I feel like the best thing to do is decide on a name YOU TWO love, and just be confident about it - it doesn't really matter who is offended/doesn't like it, or tries to take credit. If you try to please everyone not only will you never be able to, you will make yourself miserable in the process.

People got offended when we named DS1 - his first name was a name suggested by GMIL (who is actually a step-GMIL) and MIL was furious... because she is petty and ridiculous and decided to claim GMIL "named" the baby. Well, she didn't - she just made a great suggestion that we loved. If somebody in the supermarket said "hey, maybe you should name the baby (insert name here)" and I loved it, and ended up naming my baby that, I wouldn't consider the person in the supermarket to have named my baby. GL!

Ivana_Stolichnaya · October 2010

Sorry...not trying to be snarky but I don't see why you are so upset. Choose whatever name you want, who cares what your mom says about it.

Manateearmz · October 2010

The name that you picked out is your idea. If your mom is going to be bragging about anything I can't see where she would pick that she came up with the name over the fact that you named your child after her. If you don't want the drama of it then I would just go with another name. I think we'll be getting the same sort of drama from DH's family about our boy's middle name being a family name of mine, and not picking any of his family names. In the end it's your kid, you name it, nobody should give you crap.

AimeeL85 · October 2010

I also like Malinda better than Marilinda. I don't agree with your mom herself suggesting you give your child part of her name, but the upside to that is that you wanted to do it anyway. I think it would be worse if you had something completely different picked out and had to deal with her pressuring you to use her name/part of her name.

I understand you wanted it to be a surprise but I wouldn't nix the idea because of that. Who knows, she may want to tell everyone it was YOUR idea and that you wanted to honor her...that's an even better bragging right for her than coming up with it herself.

yourmom5309 · October 2010

Mrs.Husband:

Use the name. Seriously. Your mom saying "malinda" is not the same as your decision to use "marilinda". And even if she tries to claim credit, who cares. Really. You can politely tell her that in fact you had the name prior to her suggestion if you must. But really...and why would your MIL be upset? She's a grown woman. Admittedly, your post sort of confuses me.

Just an aside, but ...if your mom is such a rude, overbearing person, why would you name your child after her? Just wondering.

Good luck with your decision.

This. But, if you insist on a new middle name, I like Josie Marie. That was my grandmother's name.

spursgirl10 · October 2010

Malinda and Marilinda are two different names. I personally like Malinda better but not spelled that way. Melinda is how it's spelled. Name her what you want. Who cares if she takes credit or not. You named her not her.

pregaftertubal · October 2010

thanks guys, i understand what ya'll are saying about not worrying about it! she just pisses me off to the ends of the earth and my pregnant mind is trying really hard not to dwell on it!!!

another thing my pregnancy mind is guilty of is typing wrong! the name we had chosen was MARINDA, not marilinda-duh!!!! a little different, but not much!

anyhoo, for those who suggested marie, we had thought that because it is my middle name, so maybe! gonna go suggest it to hubby!

and it's true about naming her after our mothers. they both piss us off. guess we just wanted it to mean something. Confused

Tapper76 · October 2010

Mrs.Husband:
Use the name. Seriously. Your mom saying "malinda" is not the same as your decision to use "marilinda". And even if she tries to claim credit, who cares. Really. You can politely tell her that in fact you had the name prior to her suggestion if you must. But really...and why would your MIL be upset? She's a grown woman. Admittedly, your post sort of confuses me.

Just an aside, but ...if your mom is such a rude, overbearing person, why would you name your child after her? Just wondering.

Good luck with your decision.

This is what I was thinking...naming your child after someone is a way to honor them. She doesn't really sound like she deserves to be honored.

Ronetteb · October 2010

What about Marilyn? Or does that sound funny with Josie? Just a thought! And what a sweet idea to combine your mothers' names!

pregaftertubal · October 2010

we thought it would be a nice way to give the baby's name some meaning, but i did just talk to hubby and he agreed that we are constantly upset with them about something and that it sort of didn't make sense that we name our LO after them~

we shall see??

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