CP 3yo discipline help please — The Bump
Pre-School

CP 3yo discipline help please

good morning ladies.  I'm at my wits end with this kiddo and hoping someone has some sound advice for me.  DS is, I'm sure, a typical 3 year old, but there has GOT to be a better way to get this manners thing across to him.  He's really good with the please and thank you's, but he has such a demanding attitude! 

If he wants something, I always have to remind him to ask nicely because he will just yell out what he wants, demanding for it.  He talks back all.the.time.  We have taken privelages away, we have done time outs, we get down on his level and try to talk to him.  99% of the time he starts screaming and throwing a horrible tantrum, which usually gets him sentenced to his room until he calms down.  We try to ignore the tantrums sometimes, but he will pick toys up and throw them.

I honestly don't know where he gets the bad behavior from, my husband and I are always polite to one another, so his attitude is mind boggling.  Lol, please tell me this is just a typical case of a three yo's worst behavior and it will pass.  Or, are there tricks you have learned  you are willing to pass on to me, because I feel like I'm just not getting across to him. :(

Re: CP 3yo discipline help please

  • My DS will be 4 next month and he is just starting to grow out of the tantrums.  He likes to whine when he doesn't get his way, but doesn't usually scream and yell anymore.  We really had to let him grow out of it on his own.  Time-outs, being sent to his room and even a small spanking on his butt didn't work.  He's much calmer now.  Granted, he still has his moments, but don't worry - the end is in sight!

    Good luck!

    [IMG]http://i42.tinypic.com/259e70p.jpg[/IMG]
    <a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lb2f.lilypie.com/xEN4m5.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Second Birthday tickers" /></a>


    [IMG]http://i40.tinypic.com/20nrix.jpg[/IMG]
    <a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lbyf.lilypie.com/j8pjm5.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers" /></a>

    <a href="http://daisypath.com/"><img src="http://davf.daisypath.com/LWTgm4.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Daisypath Anniversary tickers" /></a>
  • oh thank GOD!  Lol, I swear, nothing like a 3 yo to make you question your parenting skills...
  • Loading the player...
  • You can't expect a 3 year old to behave with good manners all the time.  Period. 

    My DD knows how to ask for things nicely, how to say please and thank you, how to dress herself and all of the things we do as a family to take care of the house (throwing tissues away, taking our plates to the kitchen, cleaning up our toys, putting clothes in the hamper, etc.)

    She knows all of these things, but she doesn't always do them.  Often, she needs several reminders or we have to make some sort of bargain.  If I know there is something she wants (to take her morning vitamin, for me to get her something, etc) then I ask her to do the task I want her to do before I do what she wants.  (Put on your pants and socks, and I will get your vitamin.)

    Sometimes she demands, she whines, she yells.  We remind her that we would be happy to help her as soon as she asks nicely.  Rinse and repeat.

    We ignore tantrums and let her know that as soon as she speaks nicely we'll be happy to help her.  If the tantrum escalates, we take away toys that are thrown and remind her that if she is frustrated she can hit the floor/couch/pillow/etc.  If she hits or kicks us, it is a time out.

    Honestly, he sounds normal.  3 year olds can be lots of fun and they can also be very frustrating.  He's not "being bad", he's being 3.  Just try to take a deep breath, rinse and repeat your strategies, and with time & patience it will get better!  I hear 5 is awesome.  :-)

    Heather Margaret --- Feb '07 and Todd Eldon --- April '09
    image
  • thank you ladies, you have no idea how reassuring this is to me.  out of all my friends who live close to us, I have the oldest kids... the oldest being 3.  Everyone else has babies so they just kind of wide-eyes gawk at my son when he acts out like this.  I always want to reply, 'just wait, your turn is coming.'  lol.

    He is an awesome kid outside of the tantrums, but its nice to know I'm not alone here :)

  • imagekiliwicket:

    thank you ladies, you have no idea how reassuring this is to me.  out of all my friends who live close to us, I have the oldest kids... the oldest being 3.  Everyone else has babies so they just kind of wide-eyes gawk at my son when he acts out like this.  I always want to reply, 'just wait, your turn is coming.'  lol.

    He is an awesome kid outside of the tantrums, but its nice to know I'm not alone here :)

    My daughter had her first time out at 8:15 this morning.  You are not alone.  ;-)

    Heather Margaret --- Feb '07 and Todd Eldon --- April '09
    image
  • We say that DD is like Dr. Jeckell and Mr. Hyde.  She's the sweetest thing but then she'll turn and throw temper tantrums and have attitude like you wouldn't believe.

    I feel horrible because I'm constantly putting her in timeout for talking back.  It just doesn't get through her head that she's not supposed to act that way.  I hate it and feel like a failure.

    I talked to my dad about it this morning.  I don't remember acting that way when I was little but apparently I did.  He said that there is nothing that you can really do except be consistant.  She'll grow out of it. 

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • imagekiliwicket:
    oh thank GOD!  Lol, I swear, nothing like a 3 yo to make you question your parenting skills...

    I can't agree with you more on this one.  This is something I think almost daily. :-)

    However, I agree with the pp's.  It is normal.  DS is good at saying please, thank you, etc.  However, he also knows how to push certain limits and we end up having a lot os arguments because of it.  When I take toys away he just screams as loud as he can.  I also have a little DH problem.  If DD is sleeping, DH will comply to DS's demands in order to avoid tantrums and screaming.  It is a challenge.

     

  • I agree with the growing out of it.  DS will be 4 in January.  He is slowly having less and less tantrums.  He also will just blurt out what he wants, and sometimes even tells me to "get it now!"  I wont get him what he wants when he does that.  I usually use first and middle name and tell him that he needs to ask again with his big boy voice (esp if he is whiney when he asks).  A lot of times, I will model it for him...like, "You may say, mommy I would like some juice please."  Then he will ask me better.  But, if he doesnt then he does not get what he wants and often times will have to sit in his room until he is ready "to ask like a big boy" bc at those times it has resolved to full on whining.
  • ignore tantrums... assuming he's safe. 

    if he throws his toys - take them away - where he can not get them... and let him earn them back by showing he can behave with them.

    NEVER EVER give him anything he's asking for if he's not saying it in a nice way... Griffin knows that "crying will get you NOTHING"... and same with whining and saing "I want".... he still does it- but once we remind him- it switches gears and will ask in a nice voice "may i have XZY please?".  You have to give him the words if he doesn't really know them yet... remind him exactly how to say things, etc.

    most importantly PRAISE THE CRAP OUT OF GOOD STUFF.  It's all about attention - so the more good attention he gets the better.... he will learn the proper ways to get attention if you are consistant with NOT giving in to the bad behavior- and praising the good - all the time... even if it's something you feel he should always do no matter what- a simple "It makes mommy so proud when you use nice words! Thanks!" will do..... and also remind him to be proud of himself, ie) "you should feel so proud that you remembered to say please!"

    it takes time and being consistant - but it's worth the effort.  DS1 was a pistol from about 2w before his 3rd birthday and for the next few months... but we kept up with it- and now he's really doing a ton better.

     

  • we are in the same boat with Carson and it feels so good to know we are not alone.  ditto all pp's i try to do the same thing......it's frustrating.

  • I haven't read the replies, so forgive me if I'm just repeating what others have already covered.

    I'm generally a pretty strict disciplinarian with my own kids, and when I give advice on here, I tend to lean toward the "you need to be firmer" side.  But this time I'm going to go in the other direction.

    I feel that you're reacting to your son's behaviors with punishment when this situation really calls for patient teaching.  He's not exhibiting a "bad" attitude or "bad" behavior.  He's demonstrating normal older toddler/preschooler behavior.  It's pretty hard for 3 y/o's to exhibit good manners consistently.  It's normal for them to be crabby, demanding, impatient, and impulsive.  Of course, as parents we want our children to exhibit good manners, and age 3 is certainly a good time to begin working on this skill.  But I am not sure this is a situation where giving a time out or taking a toy away will really help modify your son's behavior.

    Here's how I dealt with some of the issues you mention above, and I felt that most of these methods were easy to implement, low-stress for me, and -- best of all -- successful in bringing about the behaviors I wanted to see in my kids!

    Demanding attitude/rude requests/whiny talk/etc. -- I would consistently respond with a very dramatic, "Hmmm... it sounds like someone is trying to talk to me, but I can't really hear and understand that rude/whiny talk.  I'm sure I'll understand if someone uses a big boy/girl voice."

    Tantrums -- "Gee -- I can see you're upset now.  When you're feeling better, you can come talk to me in a more big kid way.  I'll be over here in the kitchen, working on dinner (or whatever)."  Then walk away and do NOT be tempted to intervene.  Don't punish for the tantrum.  Your lack of response is adequate punishment.  Punishing for a tantrum feeds into the tantrum!

    Throwing toys -- "We don't throw toys.  It can hurt the toys, the furniture, and can hurt people.  I'll have to take that toy away and put it in my bedroom until tomorrow.  Every time you throw a toy, I'll have to take it away."  Follow through, coolly and calmly gathering up thrown toys and stashing them in a garbage bag.  Tie the bag, take it to your room, and stuff it on a shelf in the closet.  Make sure DS watches you.  If he freaks out even more, say, "I'm sorry you chose to throw toys.  I bet next time you feel frustrated, you'll make a better choice.  You can have it back tomorrow."  If it escalates to a tantrum, handle as above.

     

    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
  • Well, so far it seems like I'm doing what everyone else is doing, so that's awesome.  I give us all a big pat on the back, and a hug on the tough days.  I love this little guy and, like everyone else on here, I want him to be an awesome big guy too.  Thanks again ladies!
  • Tantrums -- "Gee -- I can see you're upset now.  When you're feeling better, you can come talk to me in a more big kid way.  I'll be over here in the kitchen, working on dinner (or whatever)."  Then walk away and do NOT be tempted to intervene.  Don't punish for the tantrum.  Your lack of response is adequate punishment.  Punishing for a tantrum feeds into the tantrum!

     I'm going through this myself (my son turns 3 next week).  He's been having his fare share of tatrums lately and I'm going to for sure use the suggestion above.  Thanks for posting this question.

    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • Read Love and Logic.  My world is a happy one again thanks to this book.  I was a frequent "OMG my 3 year old is killing me" complainer until this book. 
    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Pregnancy"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt11e10c.aspx" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0" /></a>



    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Baby Names"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tte0785.aspx" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0" /></a>

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Tips"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tte0786.aspx" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0" /></a>

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=sahm&utm_medium=ubb&utm_campaign=badges"><img src="http://images.thenestbaby.com/badges/tb_sig_sahm.gif"></a>

    [url="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=breastfeeder&utm_medium=ubb&utm_campaign=badges"][img]http://images.thenestbaby.com/badges/tb_sig_ebf.gif [/img][/url]

    [IMG]http://i43.tinypic.com/dq66tg.png[/IMG]
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards