This makes me irrationally irritated...
This is a long one... 
So I have this friend... I would say she is my best friend. We got to know each other in college and lived together for a year. She is super sweet, motivated, grounded and all around a pretty awesome person! We have definitely had our ups and downs, but through it all we have remained friends. She currently lives about 3 hours away. Since we graduated college a few years back I have made the trip to see her two to three times a year. For instance, this year I have already seen her three times - all me coming there. When I was getting married she was offended that she wasn't my MOH (my cousin who is like my sister was) and didn't make it for my shower or any of the pre-wedding stuff. I understood because she is going to school still. It really hurt my feelings but I couldn't hold it against her that she was in school. She made it for the wedding, but wasn't particapatory - again no big deal. Last summer we bought a house. I was so excited for her to come see it. We threw huge Halloween and Christmas parties and she was invited to both with a place to stay (we have lots of extra furnished guest rooms). She said she would come to both and then ended up cancelling at the last minute (she was on break from school both times). After that we kind of drifted apart. I wouldn't text her as regularly and wouldn't call as often. She didn't reciporcate and again I didn't have hard feelings toward her I was just kind of tired of making the effort.
Then last March she got engaged. I was/am so excited for her. She asked me to be her MOH and I happily accepted. She also asked that I do her STDs, invites and the paper stuff since I do that on the side from my regular job. I told her, no problem, I woud only charge her for the paper. We found out we were pregnant in June and at that time I wanted to start the ball rolling on the shower/bachelorette party stuff since she is getting married beginning of Feb and I am due the end of Feb. She then told me that she wanted the shower and bachelorette party all in one weekend and the weekend before her wedding. I was SUPER bummed because I know how much I will not want to do this, but never said anything to her and happily obliged. It is her day after all and my pregnancy should in no way come in the way of that. So four weeks before my due date I will be travelling two weekends in a row to support her. Kinda getting scared as it gets closer. She already told me that she definitely won't be able to make it up to my shower (one has not even been planned).
She is supposed to be visiting this weekend, but texted last night and said she wasn't sure she was going to make it. UGH! Then she texted this morning and asked if I was going to be at her graduation... the week before Christmas.
This all makes me irritated. ALL OF IT! I definitely won't be going to graduation, but don't know hwo to tell her. I really don't want to hurt her feelings, but I also don't want to pull the "I'm Pregnant" card. It's driving me insane and making my blood pressure rise! I normally just let stuff roll off my back, but I'm kinda pissed. I'm expected to be there ALL the time and she just flakes.
Vent Over. Thanks for reading, I just needed to get it all out there!
Re: This makes me irrationally irritated...
I don't think it's irrational. I think you have good reason to be irritated. I would probably tell her that I can't make it to her graduation b/c I have SO much work to do on her STD's and invites. ;-) Seriously, she puts almost nothing into this relationship, while you bend over backward and she barely notices. And the turning down your shower even before one's planned? I would be sad about that, too. It's like she's already making sure you know how low your major life events ranks compared to hers.
I'm really sorry you are dealing with this and that it's causing you BP issues. Since you are already committed to the STD's, invites and being the MOH, I probably wouldn't flake on her on that stuff. But I certainly wouldn't go out of my way to do anything nice or helpful for her... nor feel guilty about it. What happens if you go into labor early and can't make it to the wedding stuff? She hasn't even thought about it.
Sending you hugs b/c this is a tricky situation! I would probably let this friendship drift away (after her wedding), unless you feel like confronting her and telling her how unbalanced things are.
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Married 10/5/08 | 2 yrs of TTC, tests, procedures & a m/c | IVF #2 =James!
If she isn't here for you now, and understanding of your pg state, it isn't going to get any better once you have a baby. So, I wouldn't do any of that stuff as an investment in the friendship - do what you can for her if it seems fun to you and is something you want to do. But setting a precedent of overextending yourself is not something you'll be able to maintain, nor something a true friend would expect.
It doesn't mean either of you are bad friends or bad people, just that you are at different places in your life. You've got a whole new world opening up for you, so many new "mom" friends to make. There's no sense in forcing something that isn't working.
Thanks for the input! I will just let her know that it is a lot of travelling before Christmas and I'm not sure I can make it. Her MIL wants to throw her a shower (I just found this out today) so that is one less thing on my plate. I will plan the bachelorette party which is much less stressful. Also, since my mom is invite to the shower she said she would drive me down - so that makes me feel better too.
I think the reason I feel so bad, is that I don't have a ton of girlfriends. I think I had mentioned this in the past. Most of my good friends I chat with over Facebook/text because they live far away. She is actually the closest friend to me out of my "good friends". So I hate to see a friendship fizzle. But I'm going to have my hands very full come Jan/Feb/March and forever after that I don't want to be putting my time and energy into it.
I definitely won't flake on her about any of the wedding stuff. I was a bride not too long ago, so I remember how stressful that time is - and that wouldn't be fair to her, whether she has been a good, great, or horrible friend.
I think you need to tell her that you feel hurt that she cancels on you all the time. Ask her if there's some reason she just can't ever seem to come visit. And I see no reason you have to go to her graduation right before Christmas. I would say you're pregnant, it's the holidays, and you will be seeing her twice in January/february and that's that. I think you also need to be prepared that you might nit make it to the shower and/or the wedding. That's cutting it pretty close. I had my babies at 34 and 36 weeks. Make sure there's a backup plan!
You're definitely not irrationally irritated! You are pregnant and it is a really big deal, a REALLY BIG DEAL! Even friends without babies should get that. I know what you mean though about not having a ton of friends and not wanting to lose the ones you still have. Something I have started doing when I'm in a tough situation now which has really helped is to imagine my soon to be born daughter is in this situation and think of what I would want her to do. I want the very best for her and I shouldn't accept any less for myself.