My introduction

jen+m+langlois · September 2010

Hello everyone. I joined the bump a few days ago and introduced myself on the newbie board. I then proceeded to baby names..... big mistake. Leave the drama for your momma..... Anyhow...... I decided I would introduce myself here. This is where I belong anyway.

A little bit about me:

I am in a long term relationship with my boyfriend. We have been together for almost 2 years. We were both married before and unfortunately had our views of marriage destroyed a bit. We aren't keen on legally binding ourselves together at this point, but we've committed ourselves to one another. We know this is for the long haul. We live together, share bills, have a dog etc. We are a married couple without a marriage license. If that makes sense.

We recently decided that we are ready to let nature take its course. We have both wanted to be parents for a long time and never had any within our respective marriages (thank goodness). We feel that the timing is right.Which brings me to my question: Are there any other couples here trying to conceive out of wedlock? How is it being handled by family and friends? Obviously this our decision to do something that's right for us. But I do care about what my family thinks. I guess the point I'm trying to figure out is how "taboo" is TTC out of wedlock these days?
Thanks all! I look forward to talking to you more!

liz_t · September 2010

Hi, welcome and good luck!

I don't have any experience with the out of wedlock situation, but I don't believe that a child has to be raised by married parents in order to have a stable and loving home. I think that whether this is "taboo" or not kind of depends on where you live. It isn't such a big deal where I live.

Actingdiva09 · September 2010

jen+m+lang:
Hello everyone. I joined the bump a few days ago and introduced myself on the newbie board. I then proceeded to baby names..... big mistake. Leave the drama for your momma..... Anyhow...... I decided I would introduce myself here. This is where I belong anyway.

A little bit about me:

I am in a long term relationship with my boyfriend. We have been together for almost 2 years. We were both married before and unfortunately had our views of marriage destroyed a bit. We aren't keen on legally binding ourselves together at this point, but we've committed ourselves to one another. We know this is for the long haul. We live together, share bills, have a dog etc. We are a married couple without a marriage license. If that makes sense.
We recently decided that we are ready to let nature take its course. We have both wanted to be parents for a long time and never had any within our respective marriages (thank goodness). We feel that the timing is right.Which brings me to my question: Are there any other couples here trying to conceive out of wedlock? How is it being handled by family and friends? Obviously this our decision to do something that's right for us. But I do care about what my family thinks. I guess the point I'm trying to figure out is how "taboo" is TTC out of wedlock these days?
Thanks all! I look forward to talking to you more!

Just out of curiosity, how would having a piece of paper, as you call it, make it any different of a situation? You said that your view of marriage has changed, but yet you say you are a married couple without a marriage license. I am just wondering what the license does to change things? That's all. Not trying to be mean, but just curious Smile

steff13914 · September 2010

Actingdiva09:
jen+m+lang:

Just out of curiosity, how would having a piece of paper, as you call it, make it any different of a situation? You said that your view of marriage has changed, but yet you say you are a married couple without a marriage license. I am just wondering what the license does to change things? That's all. Not trying to be mean, but just curious

My thoughts exactly.

Pinkwoman · September 2010

Actingdiva09:
jen+m+lang:

Hello everyone. I joined the bump a few days ago and introduced myself on the newbie board. I then proceeded to baby names..... big mistake. Leave the drama for your momma..... Anyhow...... I decided I would introduce myself here. This is where I belong anyway.

A little bit about me:

I am in a long term relationship with my boyfriend. We have been together for almost 2 years. We were both married before and unfortunately had our views of marriage destroyed a bit. We aren't keen on legally binding ourselves together at this point, but we've committed ourselves to one another. We know this is for the long haul. We live together, share bills, have a dog etc. We are a married couple without a marriage license. If that makes sense.
We recently decided that we are ready to let nature take its course. We have both wanted to be parents for a long time and never had any within our respective marriages (thank goodness). We feel that the timing is right. Which brings me to my question: Are there any other couples here trying to conceive out of wedlock? How is it being handled by family and friends? Obviously this our decision to do something that's right for us. But I do care about what my family thinks. I guess the point I'm trying to figure out is how "taboo" is TTC out of wedlock these days?
Thanks all! I look forward to talking to you more!
Just out of curiosity, how would having a piece of paper, as you call it, make it any different of a situation? You said that your view of marriage has changed, but yet you say you are a married couple without a marriage license. I am just wondering what the license does to change things? That's all. Not trying to be mean, but just curious

Yes

This. If you are married in theory, why not do it legally...if you are so concerned with what everyone else thinks that is. If you are fine with your decision, then you shouldn't be looking for reassurance or approval.

daisyross · September 2010

I don't think it's taboo. I have an aunt and uncle who have been together for 30+ years and aren't "married". They have a common law marriage because of the state they live in, but they never had a ceremony, exchanged rings, etc.

That being said, in my opinion I think it's hard on kids to have parents split up so whether you are married or not I think the important thing is that you are in a long term committed relationship. Obviously things happen (abuse, etc), but I just think it's important to start off on the right foot, if that makes sense.

sapphire1983 · September 2010

Well, you're definitely not alone. I heard on NPR yesterday that less than half of 25-34 year olds are married. https://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2010/09/29/130218357/for-most-americans-marriage-is-an-economic-decision-sociologist-says

So I think it's much more socially acceptable than it used to be. But it's a personal decision. As long as you and your family are ok with it and you don't mind the occasional person saying something rude I say go for it.

Good luck and welcome to the board.

laceyann2008 · September 2010

me and my SO are what is considered "common law." I will call him my H as well at times because that is what he is to me in every sense of the word.

In our community (the Bible belt), it is taboo but we have fought it off with Biblical text. We have both left our parent's home to create a home of our own. We are in a relationship that is above legal reproach and live as morally as possible as an "unmarried" couple can. That is the definition of marriage in the Bible. Sure it say to live your life above reproach of the community and the law and that used to mean getting married but now days, happily UNmarried is more common than ever. Our families do not mind our lifestyle at all. I even wear a beautiful bridal set on my ring finger to symbolize to the world I belong to someone, I belong to my DH. We do plan on getting married one day but in our own time, not when the world sees fit. We are financially secure, have insurance, and a nice home. We go to church and live our lives the best we can to our abilities. That is the best a child can ask for.

They don't care about licenses or titles, just a loving, comfortable atmosphere. And that's what we will give our child. It is a personal decision to be made by you and your SO when you see fit. Your marital status shouldn't affect it as long as you know that's who you want the father of your child(ren). GL!

jen+m+langlois · September 2010

Actingdiva09:
jen+m+lang:
Hello everyone. I joined the bump a few days ago and introduced myself on the newbie board. I then proceeded to baby names..... big mistake. Leave the drama for your momma..... Anyhow...... I decided I would introduce myself here. This is where I belong anyway.

A little bit about me:

I am in a long term relationship with my boyfriend. We have been together for almost 2 years. We were both married before and unfortunately had our views of marriage destroyed a bit. We aren't keen on legally binding ourselves together at this point, but we've committed ourselves to one another. We know this is for the long haul. We live together, share bills, have a dog etc. We are a married couple without a marriage license. If that makes sense.
We recently decided that we are ready to let nature take its course. We have both wanted to be parents for a long time and never had any within our respective marriages (thank goodness). We feel that the timing is right.
Which brings me to my question: Are there any other couples here trying to conceive out of wedlock? How is it being handled by family and friends?
Obviously this our decision to do something that's right for us. But I do care about what my family thinks. I guess the point I'm trying to figure out is how "taboo" is TTC out of wedlock these days?

Thanks all! I look forward to talking to you more!
Just out of curiosity, how would having a piece of paper, as you call it, make it any different of a situation? You said that your view of marriage has changed, but yet you say you are a married couple without a marriage license. I am just wondering what the license does to change things? That's all. Not trying to be mean, but just curious

I don't think you are being mean. It's a completely legitimate question. Long story short...... I'm almost like a rebellious teenager trying to prove something. I'm trying to convince myself and everyone else that an institution of marriage means nothing about a couples relationship. Why? Because I'm scared of failing again. Trust me I know how ridiculous this sounds. But it's ok. I'm proud of where I am and where our relationship is.

nic5606 · September 2010

Welcome and good luck. You do not have to be married to be good parents, so, do what you think is right.

Having said that, I do feel there are people that will look down upon your situation, which is unfortunate, but, if you really love each other, why not get married again? Dh and I were both married before and have never been happier since we got married 4.5 years ago.

It may be easier for insurance and legal purposes to be married as well. Either way, I wish you the best and hope your stay on this board is short.

Good luck.

nirern626 · September 2010

I was married previously myself. I married young and my ex was abusive. After that I had no intention of being married again. When DH and I were dating, he wanted marriage, but understood my feelings. I saw it as a control thing. We were planning to have children, and my family was supportive for the most part but did have questions. Then I was dx with cervical cancer. After that my view of a lot of things changed. DH and I ended up eloping and I have no regrets. It's your life, and as long as you are steadfast in your decisions, people will eventually respect it. As long as you are both happy, I say God bless and GL!

myaddiwaddi06 · September 2010

I say that it is a personal decision. If the two of you are both ok with not being "legally" married than I say it's perfectly fine. I had a baby with someone I wasn't married to and he turned out to be a nightmare and I am so glad that we weren't married. Now we were not together as long as the two of you so I am in no way saying that I think it will be the same for you because I don't. My point is really that I met someone else and we are now raising my daughter as ours in a loving committed home. That is what I think is important. The marriage certificate and the birth certificate "look" good in theory but they aren't necessary to have a healthy happy relationship. You should enjoy this time and embrace it!!! Good luck to you.

Birdies08 · September 2010

It sounds like you two have made a decision about where your relationship stands that makes you both happy.

Marital status aside, I suggest that you check out Fertility Friend (it's free, and you can join through anyone's ticker). You said that you guys want to let nature take it's course, so I'm assuming you aren't interested in charting or OPKs at the moment, but the tutorials on FF are really really informative.

Welcome and GL!

sweet*pockets · September 2010

I think its fine for marriage to wait if that's what you both want. Either way, when you conceive or adopt or whatever you do, you are bound forever as parents anyway! Best of luck to you.

katekat8721 · September 2010

daisyross:
I don't think it's taboo. I have an aunt and uncle who have been together for 30+ years and aren't "married". They have a common law marriage because of the state they live in, but they never had a ceremony, exchanged rings, etc.
That being said, in my opinion I think it's hard on kids to have parents split up so whether you are married or not I think the important thing is that you are in a long term committed relationship. Obviously things happen (abuse, etc), but I just think it's important to start off on the right foot, if that makes sense.

Yes

As for not being married first, I don't see the big deal.

msmarsh · September 2010

As a product of divorced parents I understand the hesitation to go down that road again. Especially if your ideals were disillusioned after your first marriage. You don't want to be heartbroken again. I guess my feeling is, whether you are legally married or not, you are sharing that same level of commitment. And if you are having a child together, you are obviously willing to take that leap of faith in terms of putting your heart out there again.

While I agree you don't have to be legally married to be good parents, I personally think it is sad that it is becoming more status quo to snub the idea of marriage. I'm old fashioned in that sense. This is a generalized statement, but if you are living as a married couple in every other sense of the word, why not get married?

Anyway, welcome and GL to you!

liz_t · October 2010

Mrs*MichelleB:
OP I saw your project runway post and thought WTH??? this chick is now trolling TTGP. I remember you from Baby Names and your DD's. I've got my eye on you.

I have read her posts on the baby names board.

One or two people suspected her of being an AE for a troll based solely on her join date and an incorrect assumption that she knew the troll's SN but everyone else felt that she was NOT an AE. She seemed confused as to what everyone was talking about and came to this board instead.

Now here you are making trouble for this poor girl on this board. Why create trouble where there is none? Not nice.

jen+m+langlois · October 2010

_Brianna_H: & Mrs*MichelleB: You both have private messages.

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