Are you less tolerant of 'time wasters'? — The Bump
Pre-School

Are you less tolerant of 'time wasters'?

Sorry, I desperately need to vent.. but I feel like now that I have two kids and I am super busy with family stuff, I am less tolerant of people who waste my time.  It is sad, because I had a lot of close friends, but it seems like so many of them are very flaky (whether or not they have kids).  I have gone out of my way for people, and then they just waste my time.  Like they don't return messages, return borrowed items, thank me for a gift (like wedding or baby shower gifts, or very large birthday gifts, etc).  I just feel like they are there when there is something to be gained, but then they don't take the time in return.  I think most of these people do want to keep the friendship, but don't want to put in the effort (like as soon as I think we have ended communication, thats when they get in touch with me).

I feel like I'm just less patient about this stuff.  Like don't invite me over for your birthday, I get you an expensive gift, and then I don't hear from you for six months, after I'm the one that calls or e-mails over and over (and been ignored)!  Then when they get in touch, they expect that I'm going to want to go through that all over again.  Does this happen to anyone else?  Sorry it's not particularly Preschool related, but maybe other busy moms on the board can relate..

Re: Are you less tolerant of 'time wasters'?

  • :( I'm sorry.

    I don't really have that situation because I've moved a lot over the years and my circle of friends is really small. But I really wouldn't want to be stuck in a cycle like you described. You have to prioritize your energy and time, and clearly some of these people are not making their friendship with you a priority.

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  • I could have written this post myself! I'm not the most patient person to begin with, but I expect a certain amount of courtesy from a friend. I make it a point to be on time or call someone back when I said I would. I recently made a deal with myself that I won't wait for anyone anymore. A couple weeks ago I made plans with a friend and she didn't show up for 3 hours and then called to say she was on her way. I told her I couldn't go anymore and just went on with my day. I don't have the time to sit around waiting these days!
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  • I do understand your frustration but I don't think these people qualify as time wasters.  They might not be the most thankful friends in the world, but not sending a thank you gift is not exactly wasting your time is it?  Are you trying to say that a gift is only worth your effort if you get a thank you note in return?  Give because you enjoy giving, not because you expect something in return. 

     

     

     

  • I feel this way about a lot of my "old" friendships- people from HS and college who tend not to call, or if we do try to make plans, they always have one reason or another why things don't pan out. I get it, your life is busy, so is mine, but I try to find time to call or drop an e-mail or something to let them know I'm thinking about them. I do feel often times as though I'm the only one making any sort of an effort.
  • Like I said, it definitely isn't a materialistic thing.  I just feel like I put in all the effort, whether it is getting together for lunch or going to their birthday for example, and putting thought and money into a gift or whatever.  Then I don't hear from them for months and months until it is convenient for them.  In general, people who aren't there for me when I need it.

    And honestly, I feel like a "thank you" is so easy to do, and that people in this generation don't do it as much as they should.  I'm not saying I'm all bent out of shape for a missed thank you here or there - it is the whole picture where I have friends who seem to take advantage of others and never bother to thank me.  I'm talking about like one friend who I gave an $80 gift and then basically never heard from again, even though I have been e-mailing them and trying to get in touch repeatedly.  So I feel like my time is wasted, I wasted my time and money in the gift, and I waste my time and money trying to get in touch with her.  If we hung out again, it would probably be a waste because it would be the same cycle over and over - me initiating, me going to her birthday, me calling/texting/e-mailing - and nothing in return.

    I could have spent the time with my family, so that is where I get aggravated.

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